motivating or nagging - where's the line?
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Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
Thank you for your answers.
Mystery- the tutor is experienced, but I am becoming paranoid as I don't seem to ever hear something slightly bad about his abilities. Since year one all I heard is that "he is doing well". The only teacher I acctualy believed 100% is this year's teacher as I could see his abilities reflected in the fact that he was selected togheter with another 3 colleagues to represent the school in a year 5 maths challange. I guess I have an issue, I don't give him credit, and to be fair I don't believe you can succeed without much effort.
Scarlett- I am trying to limit his time playing outside to two days a week at the moment, I have tried the little lie about his other 3 colleagues doing the 11+ but he doesn't seem to care. On top of that I am introducing this week "spending fun time with mum" evening, as I feel I became some sort of providing mum, all I do is nagging about maths and VB, feed him, clothe him and our relationship is affected. So we will go out just the two of us one evening either on bike rides, swimming, playing some tennis maybe.
Thank you for this tread, I have to say that it helps finding out that is not just you nagging, that most of the kids are reluctant to practice.
I'll try the rewards also, I did promis him a reward after the exam but maybe something smaller but more often would help motivating him.
Mystery- the tutor is experienced, but I am becoming paranoid as I don't seem to ever hear something slightly bad about his abilities. Since year one all I heard is that "he is doing well". The only teacher I acctualy believed 100% is this year's teacher as I could see his abilities reflected in the fact that he was selected togheter with another 3 colleagues to represent the school in a year 5 maths challange. I guess I have an issue, I don't give him credit, and to be fair I don't believe you can succeed without much effort.
Scarlett- I am trying to limit his time playing outside to two days a week at the moment, I have tried the little lie about his other 3 colleagues doing the 11+ but he doesn't seem to care. On top of that I am introducing this week "spending fun time with mum" evening, as I feel I became some sort of providing mum, all I do is nagging about maths and VB, feed him, clothe him and our relationship is affected. So we will go out just the two of us one evening either on bike rides, swimming, playing some tennis maybe.
Thank you for this tread, I have to say that it helps finding out that is not just you nagging, that most of the kids are reluctant to practice.
I'll try the rewards also, I did promis him a reward after the exam but maybe something smaller but more often would help motivating him.
Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
OK, let's say you are truly stunning at maths. So long as you receive adequate teaching from the tutor and the school you can probably coast all the way to A level (and beyond) with almost zero effort outside school / tutorials. You concern is that your son needs to make some effort to pass the 11+. What if he doesn't? There might be more enriching things he could spend his time on. Of course you can only take this route if you are sure of the facts. Can't the paid for tutor be more enlightening? I can understand schools being a bit vague, but hopefully you can have a better informed dialogue with the tutor.
Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
luna - has he actually done any 11+ papers under timed conditions?
Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
Hi all.
Mystery-I will have a better dialog with the tutor (again) this week. The tutor was recommended by another mother who's child got into Grammar, she recommended him as having (yet) 100% succes as he is honest and if he thinks your child will not stand a chance he would tell you so (in a more diplomatic manner I assume). I liked the fact that he is adapting his working method around my son's hobbies, he likes football so most of the practice questions involve football teams. My son loves it, as opposed to moaning when we are involved (me or my hubby).
I guess my fear is that I could relax and ease off, but if my son does not get into a good school I will only have myself to blame.
Katel- he is acheiving at the moment about 70- 80% under timed conditions, but this is mostly because she is very reluctant to go back to questions he was not sure about. The tutor said he is working towards exam techiques mostly, for example is teaching him to rule out the obviously wrong answers if he is not 100% sure of the right answer in VB, is teaching him to put a mark next to the question he is not sure about and go back to it towards the end, and so on.
He is telling me not to panic as we have lots of time, that he wants him first to learn the techniques and then we will try again timed tests.
The "to do" list and rutine seems to work, he is much more relaxed now knowing what are we going to do each day of the week, when are we having fun, when are we doing maths and VB, and so on. It sounds very... army like
but he seems to respond better to rutine than anything else.
Mystery-I will have a better dialog with the tutor (again) this week. The tutor was recommended by another mother who's child got into Grammar, she recommended him as having (yet) 100% succes as he is honest and if he thinks your child will not stand a chance he would tell you so (in a more diplomatic manner I assume). I liked the fact that he is adapting his working method around my son's hobbies, he likes football so most of the practice questions involve football teams. My son loves it, as opposed to moaning when we are involved (me or my hubby).
I guess my fear is that I could relax and ease off, but if my son does not get into a good school I will only have myself to blame.
Katel- he is acheiving at the moment about 70- 80% under timed conditions, but this is mostly because she is very reluctant to go back to questions he was not sure about. The tutor said he is working towards exam techiques mostly, for example is teaching him to rule out the obviously wrong answers if he is not 100% sure of the right answer in VB, is teaching him to put a mark next to the question he is not sure about and go back to it towards the end, and so on.
He is telling me not to panic as we have lots of time, that he wants him first to learn the techniques and then we will try again timed tests.
The "to do" list and rutine seems to work, he is much more relaxed now knowing what are we going to do each day of the week, when are we having fun, when are we doing maths and VB, and so on. It sounds very... army like
but he seems to respond better to rutine than anything else.Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
Luna , it all sounds as if it's going in the right direction and your worries are common, normal ones which we have all experienced ! You swing wildly between keeping everything light and low key and then panic and want them to sit papers until midnight.It is hard, but I think a routine is key, they know when the work is happening and then know for definite that there will also be a time for relaxing.It does suddenly all come together and tiredness, the weather, an upset with friends etc really seems to make a difference so don't be too disheartened if one day he doesn't do so well .....it's all normal in the world of the 11 plus !
Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
I don't know where you live, luna - but if you're by any chance in the non-super selective area of Kent, 70%-80% is comfortably selective.
Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
Thank you for all your thoughts.
Katel I live in the Watford area, we will try our luck for Watford Grammar and Parmiters.
Katel I live in the Watford area, we will try our luck for Watford Grammar and Parmiters.
Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
From what you have said, the tutor sounds good. It might be good to follow his advice on how much to work / not work. Some tutors know from past experience the sorts of kids that might not need to work so hard as others; what you want to avoid is boring your child silly doing too much too soon so that you have a much harder job of it closer to the time.
I'm not well placed to advise though. I'll be lucky if my children will sit down for 2 minutes when the time comes. In my experience children are angels at school and devils at home!
I'm not well placed to advise though. I'll be lucky if my children will sit down for 2 minutes when the time comes. In my experience children are angels at school and devils at home!
Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
So Glad I have come across this thread as I feel like someone has written about my present situation and feel better knowing its not just me - I have found now that I have had to set out my stall and say no PS, TV, playing out etc until work is done - I found even though I put a time on it he would then just watch the clock and rush...so then I had to change the rules to he has to get X or he does it again - I think my DS will be a great negotiator his teacher recons a great divorce lawyer lol hes always trying to negotiate terms and will argue 10-15 mins about it and he could have actually got it done by this point and I get so frustrated with him but basically now said this is your life for the next 5 months get used to it....I think like most kids he wants the reward but doesnt like the effort.
Re: motivating or nagging - where's the line?
Sounds a lot like my DC!!janet71 wrote: .... I have found now that I have had to set out my stall and say no PS, TV, playing out etc until work is done - I found even though I put a time on it he would then just watch the clock and rush...so then I had to change the rules to he has to get X or he does it again ....I think like most kids he wants the reward but doesnt like the effort.
Heartmum x x x
