Class teacher is biased! Please help

[Moon unit]

I'm sorry to say that our experience was that this was endemic at primary level.Not just on an academic front. Same child always getting huge play parts, solos etc. Much worse in small primaries in my opinion.
I don't think a complaint is likely to bring about a change. Once when the favoured girl was picked again for a play part the other children in the class complained to the teacher. Her response was that the chosen girl was more talented than the rest of them and they should be glad for her!
At big secondaries the problem doesn't seem to exist thank goodness. Those who suffer most are the favoured children who come down with a huge thud when the favouritism ends. I feel sorry for them because it's not their fault either.
We always tried to laugh about it at home as I didn't think raising it at school would work as it's pretty subjective really.

[mystery]

Yes, and even if it does happen at secondary, it doesn't feel the same because one child has so many different teachers the imbalances even out.

If you are absolutely sure your child's version of it is right, I would say use it as a learning lesson - this is what unfairness feels like, this is why most people try their best to be fair and how about teaching them to stick up for another child who is also feeling sad from it.

I don't particularly like the "life's not fair so suck it up" approach - I'd rather they have their eyes open to unfairness - for other people's sake - ready to do something about it when they are older if they see prejudice etc.

It is good your child has told you about this. Many do not. It will lead you on to many useful discussions and drawing of parallels over the years which will come in very useful.

Yes, there could be lots of genuinely good reasons why the school is fawning over this particular child at this point in time, but, it's not going to have long term benefits fir the child himself or the others if your daughter's reaction is anything to go by.

Just be aware of one possibility though - was your daughter similarly favoured in the previous school year so part of her reaction is the loss of favourite status?

[kenyancowgirl]

"....At big secondaries the problem doesn't seem to exist thank goodness..."

Of course it happens in secondary schools as well - it's just the schools are bigger and you are not wrapped so tightly in a little bubble where you notice every little thing. In a secondary school, people have grown up and realise that, for example, for a music production, the best musicians will be chosen; in drama, the most talented actors will perform in the school play, the best sportsman will always be chosen for the team, or the most gifted writers will meet the guest author....But for every one of those, there are more children who aren't chosen, so your own child does not notice so much that they are one of the latter group or, if they do, they don't feel so bad about it.

It is a tough lesson to learn at any age - especially when you are young - there are people who are better than you at different things - there may be one person who is better than you at everything - it doesn't make what you do any less valid, however. Whilst I agree a teacher has a role to play in acknowledging every child's efforts, it is important to realise that we don't actually know what is going on - it could be Red Rose's dd is only noticing when the teacher acknowledges this child (because it is him that bothers her), and the teacher may actually being positive about lots of children, but the dd doesn't notice those comments. I just feel that without extra information, this thread is in danger of disintegrating into a teacher bashing exercise again.

[mystery]

It is very hard as a teacher to be fair or for all teachers to be perfect all the time. I don't think that people pointing out that there are examples of this happening for real, and trying to work out how best to run with it, is teacher bashing. You can have a 'problem' teacher in the same way you can have a problem doctor, dentist, hairdresser, builder, car mechanic etc.

The problem feels worse and probably is worse at primary for the reasons kcg suggests but also because, in general, one pupil has the same teacher all day every day.

[Proud_Dad]

But as a parent, I feel extremely upset thinking that my little one along with other 28 had to face this everyday for another 5 months which is going to be an important academic year. Isn't there any other way to handle this? No matter how much I convince my daughter, I can see that she comes home upset as their hard work is not being recognised by their own class teacher.

All these year 5 children are hearing in the classroom is that, (name of the student) IS THE BEST!
Unfortunately, I don't want to speak to other parents regarding this as I have no idea if they are friends with the other kid's parent.

If the situation is really as you describe, there will be 28 other children and 56 other parents feeling exactly the same way as you and your daughter. It doesn't matter if they are friends with the favoured child or his parents, if their own child is being unfairly treated they'll be just as unhappy about it as you are.

Is there even one other parent who you are friends with who you could subtly raise it with? If they agree with you that might give you the confidence for you to both raise it with the head together. They might even have discussed it with others who all feel the same.

It would be much more difficult for the head/school to ignore it if half the class raise it as an issue rather than if its just a single parent.

[Daogroupie]

The theme of this year's holocaust memorial is "Don't be a bystander. Don't stand by"

I have sat this week and listened to two survivors talking of experiences among their peers that seem quite unbelievable now.

Neighbours and classmates and workmates stood by as horrific events happened. A handful risked their lives to try and help but if more had done so then it would have been harder for these events to take place.

My dd came home from Y5 one day to complain that a "game" had started targeting one child unfairly. I told her not to play it but she told me that they were all playing it and there was nobody left to play with who was not.

I went in to tell the teacher about it and the whole year was called in and told in no uncertain terms that this was bullying and it stopped there and then.

Several parents did not speak to me over it for a good few weeks but it gradually settled down.

This of course is the opposite problem but it is the same issue.

The children in your dd's class are being made to feel different and inferior to the chosen one.

In your position this is what I would do:

Make a record of all the incidents that you can including you being told in your consultation that your daughter was lucky to be on his table and make an appointment to see the head. If they won't see you make an appointment to see a governor.

This is a stupid situation benefitting nobody and has to stop now. Don't stand by and let it continue as, unchecked, it will only get worse.

I asked a holocaust survivor from Germany who finally escaped on Winton's Kinder transport why his parents did not get out between 1933 and 1939 and he told me that everyone thought Hitler was mad and that he would be overthrown and life would return to normal. Everyone was waiting for someone else to do something and nobody did so it just got worse and worse.

Your teacher will not stop of her own accord. Someone has to stop her. DG

[Amber]

I think analogies with the holocaust may be just a little distasteful and OTT. And I say that as someone who actively campaigns for 'other' atrocities to be acknowledged alongside the headline one (Rwanda, Cambodia, Syria...).

A little perspective, please.

And yes we have been through this too - in a very extreme form so I do have sympathy.

[Proud_Dad]

Anyone familiar with Godwin's Law?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[mad?]

Anyone familiar with Godwin's Law?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Sally-Anne]

Anyone familiar with Godwin's Law?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I thought I knew about most things around the internet, but that's a new one on me!

It's absolutely true though - I can recall quite a few occasions when long threads have descended into accusations of "dictatorship".