I am concerned that we have over emphasised the circumstances and not placed enough emphasis/explained the academic shortfall adequately.
In a word - yup! It is at least twice as long as it should be, if not more than that. It is very common for parents to do this for the first attempt - they feel the need to "get everything down on paper".
:: The majority of the events occurred quite some time before the 11+ and I think a panel will find it hard to relate them to one missing mark in the tests.
:: The last extenuating circumstance would be much better coming from the Head in his or her own words, and preferably with some comment as to how it may have affected his performance in the tests.
:: The extra curricular activities are really not relevant.
Please take a look at E11 (Letter for Mary)in the Appeals Q&A to give you some idea of how to get it back on track. http://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/appeal ... aneous#e11