Hi Julie, and welcome!Etienne has beaten me to it, but I will post my reply anyway, because it makes some aditional points that you might find helpful.
I'm sorry you have arrived here under such trying circumstances. I will try to explain to you where the problems might lie - I apologise if it seems negative, but it may help you to at least understand the decision.
My son scored 120 in Bucks test (120 and 111)
The panel will have been trying to weigh up which score was most respresentative of his ability - or whether it was the average of the two, at around 115.
Great backing from head, Academic potential 1, Attitude to work 1/2.
If the Head's recommendations overall were not great, this will unfortunately have counted against you. A panel expects to see a pretty high level of accuracy among the 1s and 2s.
Expected Sats 5/6 Maths and 5 english. Reading age 2 yrs above.
Most children's cases will feature Level 5. A reading age of 2 years above is good, but not unusually so.
Was able to take lots of school work as well. Also had two glowing school reports.
Was the schoolwork marked with National Curriculum levels, or similar? Do the school reports talk about high ability, or demonstrate that he consistently exceeds expectations? Unfortunately too many school reports (especially state school reports) talk about how hard working a child is, not how bright they are.
The panel at the appeal were nice and at the time I had no concerns. I decided the best policy was honesty,
Good, and good again.
I had no idea why he failed to reach the mark, just nerves on the day.
Unfortunately a lot of parents will cite this. Panels understand it, but they still need to assurre themselves of high ability
When I left though I realised that one of the panel members asked me 3 times if anything was the matter with my son for the second test. 3 times I replied not to my knowledge, just nerves and that he found the second test slightly harder.
Was she trying to get me to say something was the matter????
Would that have made the difference????
She was ensuring that you had every possible opportunity to state your case fully. It would not have made any difference if the evidence of high ability wasn't there. I have come across some very harrowing cases where the extenuating circumstances were huge, but they were unsuccessful because the evidence of high ability wasn't present.
My question is now do I ask for a remark? Am I able to ask for one?
The deadline for applying for a remark passed in December. Also, it is very, very rare for a remark to change the final result.
What you can do is request a copy of the Clerk's notes. They might reveal the reason for the decision, although they often tend to state that a panel member felt "I do not feel that I have sufficient evidence of high ability to uphold the appeal". They will record some of the panel's deliberations though, and show you whether it was a unanimous decision or a majority one. You can find out how to apply for them here - Section D4: http://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/appeals/ombudsman#d4
Otherwise, the next step is to consider the 12+ - information here: http://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/school ... -procedure
I hope all of that helps you to understand more clearly the reasons that might have led to the decision, and what you can now do.