What have you got to lose?
Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 10:56 am
I realise that what I am about to say may offend someone out there going through the stress of appeals and worrying about their child's future. If this is the case I apologise. Sorry about the length also.
I have been logging into this site for a while now and have found it helpful. Recently, though, I have become increasingly concerned by the apparent assumption that a selective school is the best place for any reasonably bright child. I know that for many of you it WILL be the best available option. Please be aware however that for some children there could be a lot to lose if they "succeed" in getting into such a school.
I went to an academically selective private school. By grammar standards it was small and friendly. The pastoral care was excellent; staff really cared and are still asking after me and inviting me to their homes for coffee 20 years after I left! I was not one of the "good girls" by the way; they cared about us all.
For the majority of us it was a very happy place and we enjoyed learning. Academic results were very good and a fair few of us left for oxbridge. The school was, and is, inexpensive by private standards and was oversubscribed. A number of children entered from a prep school which crammed girls for the entrance exams at 11.
My point is that for the less able girls, and by this I mean the bottom 3 or 4 in each class of 30, the experience could be very different. These were girls of probably above avarage ability but, despite the best efforts of the school, they felt failures. We were all too supportive of one another to give them a hard time (and the school did not publish class position lists) but everyone knew how they were doing in relation to the rest of the class and even if no-one boasted IT MATTERED.
Of the 5 least academic girls in my year group at the age of 11: 2 were withdrawn and sent to less academic schools where they both thrived (becoming head girl, getting good degrees etc); 1 survived but was unhappy until she left school and blossomed; 1 "tuned out", turning to smoking and general "bad" behaviour and not regaining her self-confidence until she left; and the last had a total mental breakdown and completed her education in a psychiatric ward. This last one, incidentally, was the one with the pushiest parents by far.
When you look at a school's exam results don't just look at what the top results are. Look at what the lowest grades are and ask yourself whether any child able enough to get a place at the school should have done that poorly. Then ask yourself what it must be like to acheive those grades when all your friends are getting "A"s.
Sorry for the length of this post but I felt I had to say this. Nowadays our children are under enormous pressure from all directions. They don't need to be made to feel stupid as well. If your child ended up anorexic or taking drugs as a form of escape wouldn't you say they had lost an awful lot?
I have been logging into this site for a while now and have found it helpful. Recently, though, I have become increasingly concerned by the apparent assumption that a selective school is the best place for any reasonably bright child. I know that for many of you it WILL be the best available option. Please be aware however that for some children there could be a lot to lose if they "succeed" in getting into such a school.
I went to an academically selective private school. By grammar standards it was small and friendly. The pastoral care was excellent; staff really cared and are still asking after me and inviting me to their homes for coffee 20 years after I left! I was not one of the "good girls" by the way; they cared about us all.
For the majority of us it was a very happy place and we enjoyed learning. Academic results were very good and a fair few of us left for oxbridge. The school was, and is, inexpensive by private standards and was oversubscribed. A number of children entered from a prep school which crammed girls for the entrance exams at 11.
My point is that for the less able girls, and by this I mean the bottom 3 or 4 in each class of 30, the experience could be very different. These were girls of probably above avarage ability but, despite the best efforts of the school, they felt failures. We were all too supportive of one another to give them a hard time (and the school did not publish class position lists) but everyone knew how they were doing in relation to the rest of the class and even if no-one boasted IT MATTERED.
Of the 5 least academic girls in my year group at the age of 11: 2 were withdrawn and sent to less academic schools where they both thrived (becoming head girl, getting good degrees etc); 1 survived but was unhappy until she left school and blossomed; 1 "tuned out", turning to smoking and general "bad" behaviour and not regaining her self-confidence until she left; and the last had a total mental breakdown and completed her education in a psychiatric ward. This last one, incidentally, was the one with the pushiest parents by far.
When you look at a school's exam results don't just look at what the top results are. Look at what the lowest grades are and ask yourself whether any child able enough to get a place at the school should have done that poorly. Then ask yourself what it must be like to acheive those grades when all your friends are getting "A"s.
Sorry for the length of this post but I felt I had to say this. Nowadays our children are under enormous pressure from all directions. They don't need to be made to feel stupid as well. If your child ended up anorexic or taking drugs as a form of escape wouldn't you say they had lost an awful lot?