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PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2018 1:20 am 
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Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:26 pm
Posts: 8508
Hi 11plusreviewBR

Let's start with the first letter.
You were concerned about the English. It looks reasonably good, but "kids" is best restricted to "young goats". "Children" would be more appropriate in a formal letter.
I will make some other suggestions in due course.

My main concern is that the Q&As advise one page of A4, and yet you've sent me three! :?

Please can you re-do this first letter so that it fits one page?

Section 6 is completely irrelevant. It has nothing to do with academic ability.
See Q&As:
      Quote:
      B12. Any do’s and don’ts for an appeal against non-qualification?
      b) Don’t spend time saying how wonderful your child is at extracurricular activities unless the panel ask you a specific question. Even if they do, don’t expect non-academic extracurricular activities to influence a panel’s decision.


I am undecided about Section 5. Leave it in for the moment, but as we've pointed out, the results are not comparable because the standardisation is different. We might get away with pointing out that the standard for entry to Birmingham grammar schools is very high, but I need to see appendix 2 which is missing.
The other problem is that we don't want the panel thinking you're an "11+ tourist", so please add just a sentence or two explaining why she took the tests there.

The final page is far too long. Any worthwhile arguments are getting lost in the deluge of words.
Pick two or three points that are unique to this particular grammar school, really focus on them, and cut out statements like "a clear commitment to the development of the whole child ..... outstanding opportunities for students’ spiritual, moral, social and cultural development .... the leadership and management of the Head teacher, leaders across the school and the governing body, are outstanding" which could probably be written about any grammar school.

I must be very strict! :wink:

We'll move on to the other two letters when we've finished the first one.


PS. Could you remind me, please, if your daughter was born in this country. If not, when did she move here?


PPS. See Motherofdaughters' thread for reasons for wanting a place.
viewtopic.php?f=35&t=54012&p=663505#p663505

      Quote:
      *X is passionate about science and has a genuine interest in the subject. She is working at greater depth in some areas, specifically in scientific enquiry.
      We feel that as GS is a school noted for its science department it would be far more educationally beneficial for X to attend here rather than the allocated school which simply does not offer the same facilities and advantages.
      Please see example of work.

      *Similarly, we are aware of GS's reputation for MFL. X is working above age expectations in French, and is keen to pursue to a high standard the study of modern foreign languages.
      Please see attached work.

      *Last but not least, there is an older sibling at the school, and X is desperate to join her and to try and match her achievements.
      Given the medical circumstances it would also be reassuring for her to have the support of an older sibling.

Note how concise the reasons are.
Note how she tries to match her daughter's needs to what this particular school offers.

_________________
Etienne


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2018 5:25 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:57 pm
Posts: 37
Etienne wrote:
Hi 11plusreviewBR

Let's start with the first letter.
You were concerned about the English. It looks reasonably good, but "kids" is best restricted to "young goats". "Children" would be more appropriate in a formal letter.
I will make some other suggestions in due course.

My main concern is that the Q&As advise one page of A4, and yet you've sent me three! :?

Please can you re-do this first letter so that it fits one page?

Section 6 is completely irrelevant. It has nothing to do with academic ability.
See Q&As:
      Quote:
      B12. Any do’s and don’ts for an appeal against non-qualification?
      b) Don’t spend time saying how wonderful your child is at extracurricular activities unless the panel ask you a specific question. Even if they do, don’t expect non-academic extracurricular activities to influence a panel’s decision.


I am undecided about Section 5. Leave it in for the moment, but as we've pointed out, the results are not comparable because the standardisation is different. We might get away with pointing out that the standard for entry to Birmingham grammar schools is very high, but I need to see appendix 2 which is missing.
The other problem is that we don't want the panel thinking you're an "11+ tourist", so please add just a sentence or two explaining why she took the tests there.

The final page is far too long. Any worthwhile arguments are getting lost in the deluge of words.
Pick two or three points that are unique to this particular grammar school, really focus on them, and cut out statements like "a clear commitment to the development of the whole child ..... outstanding opportunities for students’ spiritual, moral, social and cultural development .... the leadership and management of the Head teacher, leaders across the school and the governing body, are outstanding" which could probably be written about any grammar school.

I must be very strict! :wink:

Thanks for being strict, it helps me to be more prepared. :)

We'll move on to the other two letters when we've finished the first one.


PS. Could you remind me, please, if your daughter was born in this country. If not, when did she move here?

My daughters were not born in UK. They joined me when they were about 4. But, till that time we talked to them in our native language. At home, we speak our native language.

PPS. See Motherofdaughters' thread for reasons for wanting a place.
viewtopic.php?f=35&t=54012&p=663505#p663505

      Quote:
      *X is passionate about science and has a genuine interest in the subject. She is working at greater depth in some areas, specifically in scientific enquiry.
      We feel that as GS is a school noted for its science department it would be far more educationally beneficial for X to attend here rather than the allocated school which simply does not offer the same facilities and advantages.
      Please see example of work.

      *Similarly, we are aware of GS's reputation for MFL. X is working above age expectations in French, and is keen to pursue to a high standard the study of modern foreign languages.
      Please see attached work.

      *Last but not least, there is an older sibling at the school, and X is desperate to join her and to try and match her achievements.
      Given the medical circumstances it would also be reassuring for her to have the support of an older sibling.

Note how concise the reasons are.
Note how she tries to match her daughter's needs to what this particular school offers.


Thanks Etienne for your time and inputs. I will work on your inputs once back home and share the revised version. Being not native English speaker, I am not able to be crisp in my writing.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2018 12:09 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:57 pm
Posts: 37
11plusreviewBR wrote:
Etienne wrote:
If you're commenting within a quotation, it would probably be easier to read if your comments could be in colour so that they stand out?

I look forward to receiving your homework. :)


[color=#BF0040]Hi Etienne, I did sent the details to appealbox as suggested. Kindly review the details and suggest me for changes. Once again, my sincere thanks for your time and unconditional support.[/color]


Hi Etieene, I did sent revised letter. Please check. Thank you


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2018 12:01 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:57 pm
Posts: 37
Hi Etienne, Based on your inputs, I did share the revised version of the document . Kindly, request you to have a look when time permits. Thanks in advance for all your great support.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2018 5:06 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:26 pm
Posts: 8508
Safely received, but I'm still missing appendix 2.

Section 6 must be removed - extra-curricular activities cannot be part of your academic case!
It might possibly fit with Reason 2 (why you would like a place), but only if you've investigated what this school can offer your daughter that other schools can not.

The section with reasons is still too long.
I suggested 2 or 3 reasons, and you've given 8 - some of which look rather weak.

Reason 2 - why is this unique to the school? Surely the other grammar schools also have very high participation in extra-curricular activities?

Have you had a meeting with whoever is in charge of music/dance to see what they could offer your daughter? Have you checked whether this is more suitable than what the other grammar schools can offer?
      Quote:
      Do your research. It’s not enough to say – for example – “I hear the school has a good music department”, or “My daughter is good at music”, or to quote a few lines from an out of date Ofsted report. An appeal panel might be impressed if a parent had made the effort to investigate with the Head of Music what the school could offer their child, and could talk knowledgeably about what was available at the different grammar schools.
      https://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/appea ... -school#c2

Reason 4 - Don't all the grammar schools promote equality and carefully monitor assessment information?

Reason 5 - Is there any evidence that relationships between students are less harmonious at the other grammar schools?
Have you checked whether the other grammar schools have vertical tutor groups?

Could you rephrase "My young goat is very sociable"? :wink:
Doesn't this contradict Reason 3 - "self-conscious ..... help .. build her confidence" ?


I need a bit more information. As well as appendix 2, could you also tell me the individual scores for Bucks (VR, Maths, NVR)?

Thanks

_________________
Etienne


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2018 11:33 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:57 pm
Posts: 37
Etienne wrote:
Safely received, but I'm still missing appendix 2.

Section 6 must be removed - extra-curricular activities cannot be part of your academic case!
It might possibly fit with Reason 2 (why you would like a place), but only if you've investigated what this school can offer your daughter that other schools can not.

I got your point now, I will remove this. Thank you.

The section with reasons is still too long.
I suggested 2 or 3 reasons, and you've given 8 - some of which look rather weak.

Reason 2 - why is this unique to the school? Surely the other grammar schools also have very high participation in extra-curricular activities?

Have you had a meeting with whoever is in charge of music/dance to see what they could offer your daughter? Have you checked whether this is more suitable than what the other grammar schools can offer?
      Quote:
      Do your research. It’s not enough to say – for example – “I hear the school has a good music department”, or “My daughter is good at music”, or to quote a few lines from an out of date Ofsted report. An appeal panel might be impressed if a parent had made the effort to investigate with the Head of Music what the school could offer their child, and could talk knowledgeably about what was available at the different grammar schools.
      https://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/appea ... -school#c2

Reason 4 - Don't all the grammar schools promote equality and carefully monitor assessment information?

Reason 5 - Is there any evidence that relationships between students are less harmonious at the other grammar schools?
Have you checked whether the other grammar schools have vertical tutor groups?

Friends kids attending the school has suggested and we had a similar feeling during our two visits

Could you rephrase "My young goat is very sociable"? :wink:
Doesn't this contradict Reason 3 - "self-conscious ..... help .. build her confidence" ?
Thanks a lot, I will go through this valid point.

I need a bit more information. As well as appendix 2, could you also tell me the individual scores for Bucks (VR, Maths, NVR)?

Scores are : VR: 118.62 Numerical: 125.47 NVR: 117.97.
After weight standard : 59.31, 37.64,23.59 . Total :120.54


Thanks


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 12:22 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:57 pm
Posts: 37
Hi Etienne, I did share the revised letter for your review. Thanks again for preparing me for the appeal.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:00 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2016 1:55 pm
Posts: 725
Hi
Just wanted to say that I have twins - one who initially got a gs and one who did not (until y7) we had a gs appeal in the mix and I
and can relate to your feelings/experience as one of mine (scored much higher than same ability twin) wanted to share some of his marks with his twin.

Good luck with eveything.
:D


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 6:40 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:26 pm
Posts: 8508
It's great to see you still around, Ricky74, and contributing so much to the forum. :D

11plusreviewBR - I've sent you a draft letter.

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Etienne


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 8:12 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:57 pm
Posts: 37
Hi Etienne,

I am short of words to express my feelings. Saying just thanks mean understating. You have been of great support to me from the start and have been guiding me in right direction. I will keep you posted about the progress. My sincere regards.

Hi Ricky74 and other members of the group, thank you for all your best wishes.

I will apply for first appeal before this weekend.


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