Unsuccessful and devastated

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dejavu
Posts: 194
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:01 pm
Location: bucks

Unsuccessful and devastated

Post by dejavu »

Just got letter syaing we were unsuccessful so we were obviously lulled into a false sense of security and like a lot of our friends on this site utterly devastated as we know that our daughter is right for grammar school.

Basically the panel said: They noted with care the supportive evidence provided by the parents which inlcluded school reports, school work, cetificates, predicted SATS scores, other test results and the support of the head teacher. They noted her extra curricular activities. They took into consideration that she may have put pressure on herself to do well. They noted that the parents feel she is a high performer (she is!) in a high performing school that had an outstanding recent Ofsted report. They did not feel that the evidence was strong enough for it to be satisfied that she is academicaly suitable for a grammar school education at this time.

Our daughter does not know the outcome yet, but when we discussed with her the possibility of the appeal failing, she said she would want to go for the 12+. How do we start the ball rolling about this, and when would the exam be?

Still cannot believe, as we know we could not have done anything more.
many thanks
dejavu
sharone
Posts: 113
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 1:39 pm
Location: Bucks

Post by sharone »

Dear Dejavu

I'm so sorry, and understand exactly how you feel. Don't read too much into the letter, it sounds pretty much the same as the one we got.

I hope you feel better about this decision soon, and don't take it to heart or feel that it's a reflection of your child's ability, you know better!

Take care
Sharon
LiseCook
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:40 pm

Post by LiseCook »

Dearest Dejavu,

I am so sorry to read you are in the same awful situation as we are. It is nearly a week ago we had our letter and your reply sounds almost identical to ours.

I have been blown away with the support and warm wishes we have received from so many Mum's and Dad's on this forum. Try and take some comfort from that in the coming days. It has helped me so much I can not even begin to tell you.

We, too, have thought about the 12+ etc etc. However, for now - we are taking a back seat to let all this sink in. I take some comfort in knowing there was nothing more we could have done. My Daughter is already bounzing back and I need to do the same - for her sake. I know, right now, it seems like your World has fallen apart. I promise you - its amazing what a week does and with support from so many people you dont even know - the clouds slowly begin to lift.

Give yourself some time now and I would not even think about the 12+ just yet if I was you. Get through this first. I truly believe that our Children are a lot stronger than we sometimes give them credit for.

I am thinking of you as I know and feel what you are going through......

Much love to you and your family

Lise ;)
proud mum x2
Posts: 609
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2007 7:35 pm

Post by proud mum x2 »

Hi to you both, I don't know you,but feel your pain, I'm so sorry for both of you,I can only imagine how devastated you are. I feel almost guilty for logging on and reading your posts,a bit like looking in and not being able to do anything constructive to help either of you to feel any better.
Please do take comfort in the fact that your children are blessed with wonderful,caring and supportive parents,it must be so hard for you knowing that your children would thrive in a GS, and that ppl who do not really "know" them judge them not to be "suitable"
Your special children will thrive anyway,with your continuing support,and they will still,at least, be the "top" of the tree.They may have fewer problems adjusting to the new pressures of senior school,as they may well be still be the highest acheiving children in their cohorts.
All the very best for you and your families, lots of hugs ***
Sally-Anne
Posts: 9235
Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2006 8:10 pm
Location: Buckinghamshire

Post by Sally-Anne »

Hi dejavu

I am very sorry to hear of your disappointment, and I really understand how you feel at the moment.

I find the statement "not suitable for a GS at this time" absolutely laughable in a ghastly sort of way. My son's letter said the same, and yet he is now doing fine at a GS.

For the 12+, my Sticky on Bucks will tell you most of what you need to know.

Sally-Anne
Cookie
Posts: 19
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2008 2:56 pm
Location: Slough

Post by Cookie »

Hi Dejavu
I can completely understand how you are feeling today as we also received our letter this morning and our appeal was unsuccessful too. I haven't read the letter yet as I am at work, it was read out to me over the phone and I haven't quite registered what it said. I can't believe this has happened! I was so sure that the panel would decide in our favour. Shows that you can't count your chickens, but with scores of 120/119, SATS level 5 (in year 5) and strong support from Head teacher, I had hoped for the best. I am totally devastated, probably worse now that when we received the 11+ results in the first place and found he had missed out by one mark. I am absolutely dreading telling him later!
I can only wish now that Herschel will be offering down to 111 this year, but again the probability of that is so low I will be wasting my energy.
I think Lise is right to let things settle for the moment, and I promise solemnly that I will 'try' and do the same thing. I certainly will be looking at 12+ options soon though!
Anyway, hugs all round!

Cookie
sharone
Posts: 113
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 1:39 pm
Location: Bucks

Post by sharone »

Dear Cookie

Gosh, I can't believe it either. I'm so sorry. This year has been tough so far on all of us. Hopefully things will get better, and good luck for the future.

Take care
Sharon
camden
Posts: 65
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2007 1:13 pm

Post by camden »

Hi Deja Vu & Cookie,

So sorry to hear that it wasn't good news for you.....seems as tho' hardly anyone is being successful at the moment and that it is almost a lottery!

As everyone else says, at least we all tried....and how!

I'm sitting trying to finish getting my statement finished....started it days ago & just don't feel as though it's quite right.
I'm certainly not feeling very confident......need to summon it up from somewhere tho - we have our appeal tomorrow.

Thinking of you all!
Camden
Lynsey
Posts: 23
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2008 7:29 pm

Commiserations

Post by Lynsey »

Dejavu,
I have been thinking about you over the last few days and the only reason I logged on was to find out if you had received your letter. What a deep disappointment for you! I am upset on your behalf - it must seem very raw at the moment and the task of breaking the news to your daughter must be hanging over you like a very heavy weight.

With regard to the 12+ I notice that other people have suggested what sounds like a very sensible idea; that of not dealing with it at the moment, until the shock and disappointment, coupled with high emotions, settles. However, I could add a different slant.

My elder son scored only 112 in his 11+ several years ago. He had thought he would pass because he kept up comfortably with his school peers. What we did not know was how important was the 11+ tutoring that they all received. He didn't receive any; partly because we didn't think it necessary, partly because it was an expense we could ill afford, but mainly because he was lazy and wouldn't even go through papers with me at home! (I think home tutoring has the same attractions as teaching your children to drive!) He was horribly surprised when his score arrived and was far more upset about it than we thought he would be. There was no point in appealing so we sent him to the local upper school. However, because he was so upset, I attempted to cushion the disappointment by offering the 12+ as a possible. I wanted him to realise that it was still worth trying hard with his school work but most of all the effect was to confirm how much faith I had in him, that I knew he would thrive at a grammar school.

I don't know how much the system has changed since then. We applied to Bucks in November/December. I was surprised when they told me that the decision to sit 12+ was not mine, but his school's! I wondered how many schools could afford to be so altruistic as to allow some of their highest achieving pupils to leave. However, his school was great. They agreed that he was top of all his classes and, taking into account his 3 level 5s at Y6 SATs agreed that he could sit the 12+.

There was only one test. It was taken some time in May on a Saturday morning in a Grammar School in Bucks with about 100 other children all doing the same thing, and I understood that they had several saturdays like this in a row. (an indication of how many children are failed by the 11+ as a procedure). The test was of similar standard to the 11+ but in order to make it more challenging than the 11+ it needed to be completed in 45 mins rather than 50.

Now my son made some effort. I tutored at home, but with a willing child it was much easier. He scored 131. Quite a high score....which could be accounted for by his positive efforts; but I also think there was an element in there that was based on the fact that all these 12+ children had been 'volunteered' by their schools. This is not the same as being supported by the head at a Primary school, which has everything to gain from a good pass rate at 11+! It would seem that the 12+ is slightly easier to pass than an 11+ - of course I cannot really draw that conclusion on the example of one child, but I have known many other children sail through the 12+, yet I know of none who have failed. (Of course few people would mention it!)

Yes, the stakes are high - who wants to put their child through an extra opportunity for failure just as they were settling into a new regime? But, on the positive side, I felt that I wanted my son to know that I believed in him....that I didn't think that he wasn't really up to the standard of all his friends at grammar school.

I am aware that this view is unusual but I felt that it helped to diffuse the disappointment and maintain the positive - something in the future to aim for. I was able to say that if all went really well at the upper school we could forget the 12+ - this seemed to 'put the ball back in our court' and make it feel like we were more in control of the situation.

Anyway, I'm sure you will be able to think of nothing else for quite a while so won't mind having extra information (however rambling!) to help you come to the right decision for your family.

Best wishes to you all, am so sorry that you are not celebrating...(yet?)
dejavu
Posts: 194
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:01 pm
Location: bucks

Sally-Anne question

Post by dejavu »

Many thanks for everyone's kind words and support.

Knowing my daughter I think she will definitely want to go for the 12+ although it will be up to her. Things have always come easy to her (when she puts her mind to it), so this outcome may be a "life lesson" that is worth learning - she is very determined when she wants to be.

But I wanted to thank Sally-Anne for her sticky, which was most encouraging about the 70% pass rate for the 12+. One possibility, as we are in Bucks but on the Bucks/Beds border, is to send her to a smaller Beds middle school (Ofsted 2), which is a feeder to Cedars in Leighton Buzzard (ofsted 2 - the same level as Aylesbury high!), as her Bucks secondary school would be Cottesloe (ofsted3).

But Sally-Anne mentioned in her Bucks sticky that the Head of her school in year 7 must support the 12+ application. If she is at the Beds middle school, would they still do this?

Help.....
many thanks
dejavu
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