Is this too short?

[mamacas37]

I've copied Mary's letter... perhaps too closely?? Is this too short? If so, what am I missing? Should I take out the 'Extenuating' bit as I know it's weak with no evidence but head said may aswell put it in.


"We would be grateful if you would consider this request for a review on behalf of our daughter D as there is evidence to show that the test score of 117 was not representative of her ability.

Academic Evidence
• Recommended as a 2:1
• “Very strongly” supported by the head teacher
• VR scores of 121 (=92nd percentile) in Y5.
• Predicted scaled scores of 111-120 in Reading and Maths for end of KS2, and “greater depth” for Writing.
• Consistent scores of ‘greater depth’ throughout KS1 and KS2
• The school states that “she would thrive in a grammar school environment.”

Extenuating Circumstances
• D welcomed a baby brother in April. This changed her home life significantly and likely had a knock on effect on her academic life too.

We, and the school feel that she is more than suitable to be considered for a Grammar school placement and that she would have no trouble in achieving and maintaining the standard required.
Thank you for taking the time to consider our case.


edited to remove child's name

[Etienne]

Welcome!

Is this too short? If so, what am I missing?

I don't think it's too short. What could you add of value without woffling about character etc.?
What matters is the evidence.

Should I take out the 'Extenuating' bit as I know it's weak with no evidence but head said may aswell put it in.

As you say, it is weak - it's not as if it happened the night before the test.
Did the head mention it on the headteacher's review form?

..... This changed her home life significantly and likely had a knock on effect on her academic life too.

Any evidence? Didn't she achieve GDS in Y5? Isn't she still predicted 111-120 & GDS at KS2?

We, and the school feel that she is more than suitable to be considered for a Grammar school placement and that she would have no trouble in achieving and maintaining the standard required.

Read footnote 7 to Mary's letter - what not to do!
I would suggest "The school feels that ......" .

[mamacas37]

Welcome!

Thank you and thanks so much for your help!

As you say, it is weak - it's not as if it happened the night before the test.
Did the head mention it on the headteacher's review form?

No he didn't and no there's no proof of it having any effect so I'm going to take out any mention of it. Thanks.

Read footnote 7 to Mary's letter - what not to do!
I would suggest "The school feels that ......" .

Thank you I missed that footnote.

Thanks again. So helpful

[mamacas37]

Edited version... still not too short?

We would be grateful if you would consider this request for a review on behalf of our daughter D as there is evidence to show that the test score of 117 was not representative of her ability.

Academic Evidence
• Recommended as a 2:1
• “Very strongly” supported by the head teacher
• VR scores of 121 (=92nd percentile) in Y5.
• Predicted scaled scores of 111-120 in Reading and Maths for end of KS2, and “greater depth” for Writing.
• Consistent scores of ‘greater depth’ throughout KS1 and KS2
• The school states that “she would thrive in a grammar school environment” and that it is “the perfect place for her.”

Thank you for taking the time to consider our case.

[Etienne]

It looks all right.

For the last bullet point I would refer the panel to where they can find the evidence, e.g.
• The school states in section 6 of the headteacher's review form that “she would thrive in a grammar school environment” and that it is “the perfect place for her.”

No he didn't and no there's no proof of it having any effect so I'm going to take out any mention of it.

The problem is that it raised too many questions, such as 'how did an event in April affect one day in September?'.

If you want something innocuous to say, which is what the headteacher was probably trying to achieve, I would suggest a short paragraph above "Thank you for taking the time ....", such as:

• • • The school states that ..... it is “the perfect place for her.”
    
    There are no specific extenuating circumstances other than that X felt under pressure to perform well on the day, but we recognise that this would apply to many of the children taking the test.
    Our case rests primarily on X's strong academic record which we hope the panel will agree shows suitability for grammar school.
    
    Thank you for taking the time to consider our case.

I'm assuming that she did feel under pressure, as most children were likely to be stressed.
If so, a brief mention can do no harm, so long as it is downplayed and not exaggerated.