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PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:12 am 

Joined: Sat May 10, 2008 5:41 am
Posts: 8
Location: Herts
A friend of mine is appealing for two of the partially selective schools in Herts. Although I appreciate that he is trying to do the best for his kid, the atmosphere in the house is (& has been for months now) incredibly strained. Everything seems to revolve around schools.

I really feel for their son. If I was appealing (& I know I can't really imagine what it must be like) I would like to think I wouldn't have told my son about it, but would be spending this time "bigging up" the allocated school (which is not a bad one)., just in case it's where he goes next term.

Just wondered what other people felt about this issue?

 Post subject: appeals
PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 9:24 am 

Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:09 pm
Posts: 111
I have told my twins - they wanted me to appeal as they really wanted their first choice. At the same time we have 'bigged up' the allocated school - which is also a good school and reminded them that, although we have tried our best, the odds of winning an appeal are not good.

However we didn't tell our son that originally he was allocated a different school to his sister. We trusted (or hoped) that it would be sorted - which it was after 3 weeks. We really didn't think he needed to be worried about that!

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:56 am 

Joined: Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:58 am
Posts: 181
My daughter knew we were appealing as the first thing she asked was "can we appeal?"

However, we did tell her that she had to accept that she would probably be going to the school that she was allocated and, like Toony, we spent a lot of time "bigging it up". We filled in all the forms, attended the induction evening and even did a trial run of the bus journey.

We tried to keep the whole appeal thing very low key and didn't really discuss it while she was around. We told her where we were going on the day of the appeal but we had kept it so low key that she had forgotten where we had been by the time she got home from school. (We were actually quietly confident by this point as she was No 1 on waiting list but we didn't tell her this).

Fortunately we were successful and DD was ecstatic. It then all came pouring out about how much she really hadn't wanted to go to the other school - so she obviously was worried about it but keeping it all inside. I imagine it would have been a lot more stressful for her if we hadn't kept things so quiet.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 11:57 am 

Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2007 10:03 am
Posts: 54

my daughter knew I was appealing for 2 schools...... she had asked me to.

Despite the alternative being a complete no go and the consequences of not getting in on appeal would have been life changing(i would have had to give up work to home school and prob lose my house etc)...I kept it very low key and each time the subject came up I simply said ......it will all be sorted we just have to be patient.......I know she worried lots but I felt that by letting her know just HOW much it was effecting me would not have helped so i remained calm in her presence whilst falling apart completely when she wasnt there.

I just tried my best not to worsen the situation for her, after the appeals I said that I really didnt know how it went and that if they didnt work then we would deal with it together. I did not tell her the first one had failed because i could not face it, so i waited and prayed for second one without telling her

She was really really brave

hope this helps

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:01 pm 

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2008 9:37 am
Posts: 96
Hi Beano

I'm inclined to agree with you.

We kept the whole process as low profile as possible, from the open evenings (we tried to be as positive about our local comp as we were about the grammars), the exam and then the subsequent appeal (which luckily we didn't have to do, as we were offered a place from the waiting list).

We did not talk about much of it in front of her and tried our best to keep any appeal issues from her. She didn't ask us at any stage if we were going to appeal, as there was no reason why she should even know what an appeal was!

I simply said to her not to worry too much about secondary school, because I would make sure that she was happy where ever she went, and to let me sort it out. She happily accepted this - and the whole process has been almost stress free for her - except on two days: Exam day and result day.

Obviously, as parents we assess our childrens personalities and treat them accordingly - but Oblivion is Bliss!

Lottie :D

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