Just when I thought it was going ok, then...................
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Just when I thought it was going ok, then...................
Son scored a couple of marks off of the cut off score, he was gutted, like I was, high pred sat scores, went for a review, unsuccesful, have spent months (well since Dec) searching this site for answers, getting legal advice, spending hours on the net, Appeal date is next week, got a great case, Then he says it....
"mum I dont want to go to grammar school"..............
He says he doesnt think he is clever enough and is full of doubts, most of his friends are going to the local secondary, and I think alot has to do with that personally. Alot of his friends are saying that Grammar schools are pushy, theres lots of homework, if you dont get something straight away your classed as a loser, all this has really got to him. And has put him off, he was so up for appeal in the beginning!!
We have had a long talk and I have tried to explain, why his friends may be saying this, but the end of the day it IS his decision, I feel deflated!!
"mum I dont want to go to grammar school"..............
He says he doesnt think he is clever enough and is full of doubts, most of his friends are going to the local secondary, and I think alot has to do with that personally. Alot of his friends are saying that Grammar schools are pushy, theres lots of homework, if you dont get something straight away your classed as a loser, all this has really got to him. And has put him off, he was so up for appeal in the beginning!!
We have had a long talk and I have tried to explain, why his friends may be saying this, but the end of the day it IS his decision, I feel deflated!!
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Bexley Mum 2
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- Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2007 9:55 pm
- Location: Bexley
Much as I love my kids and, much as I will take their views into account when choosing secondary schools, the decision is mine not theirs! (Sorry, I should say mine and my husband's 
). My year 6 son is going to a grammar school and having spent most of the bank holiday weekend in the company of his mates (most of whom are going to non-selective schools) he had a complete attack of the vapours last night and insisted he he doesn't want to go to his new school. I know he's worried about coping with the work - and I do think it will be a bit of a shock to him being surrounded by lots of bright kids.
I have read several times on this site that it's the borderline kids that benefit most from a grammar school education.
However, only you know your child and can have a feel for whether or not he will cope. Do you know any other children of similar ability who did pass that you can look at and think, well my son's as able as them so he'll be OK. Did he do masses of practice for the 11+ and feel he did his very best on the day? Or do you feel he could have been better prepared or there was a particular reason for him missing by a few points? Did one paper let him down? Don't feel you have to post answers to all these questions, but these are the sorts of things I would be asking myself.
I guess much depends as well on the type of grammar school - certainly I don't feel my eldest in year 8 is overloaded with homework at all.
But at the end of the day, you've gone so far down the appeal process, you might as well see it through. Good luck!
). My year 6 son is going to a grammar school and having spent most of the bank holiday weekend in the company of his mates (most of whom are going to non-selective schools) he had a complete attack of the vapours last night and insisted he he doesn't want to go to his new school. I know he's worried about coping with the work - and I do think it will be a bit of a shock to him being surrounded by lots of bright kids.I have read several times on this site that it's the borderline kids that benefit most from a grammar school education.
However, only you know your child and can have a feel for whether or not he will cope. Do you know any other children of similar ability who did pass that you can look at and think, well my son's as able as them so he'll be OK. Did he do masses of practice for the 11+ and feel he did his very best on the day? Or do you feel he could have been better prepared or there was a particular reason for him missing by a few points? Did one paper let him down? Don't feel you have to post answers to all these questions, but these are the sorts of things I would be asking myself.
I guess much depends as well on the type of grammar school - certainly I don't feel my eldest in year 8 is overloaded with homework at all.
But at the end of the day, you've gone so far down the appeal process, you might as well see it through. Good luck!
They will both be fine. For what it's worth, my DS missed the pass mark by 2 marks in 2004 and we managed to get a place for him at GS on appeal. He is now in Year 9, and is consistently performing in the top four in his class overall, - top four in the year group for some subjects. Attitude to work counts for a lot. my son certainly benefited from finding other children who were (in his own words) "just like him." He has thrived at GS, and certainly has not struggled at all. Idare say it will be the same for your dear boys!
Bouga
Bouga
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Bexley Mum 2
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- Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2007 9:55 pm
- Location: Bexley
Bougalou - your comment about attitude is very true. At our first grammar school parents' evening for my eldest his form tutor said that the target KS3 grades were really just wild guesses because all the boys were clearly able to get to grammar school - what made the difference was their attitude and how much they applied themselves to work. I see this with my own boys - the one who achieves the most is not necessarily the most able - he's just hugely competitive and sets himself very high standards (unlike his lazy brothers!)
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Sally-Anne
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- Location: Buckinghamshire
Re: Just when I thought it was going ok, then...............
Hi realay123
He has settled in brilliantly at his new school, and is happily paddling along in the middle of the stream. With more effort he could be doing better, but that's boys for you!
No one has ever suggested to him that he is in some way a "loser" because he didn't make the cut the first time round. He has been accepted by both staff and pupils as being as able as the next kid, if not more so in some subjects.
As for the "pushy and lots of homework" - well, the teachers are nothing but positive and encouraging, and there doesn't seem to be a huge amount of homework. Mind you, there have been hints that perhaps some of it isn't quite getting through the front door at times ...
I am sure that your DS is reacting to both the disappointment and to the concern about being separated from his friends.
Plough on with your Appeal and don't be disheartened. If you win I am sure that he will come round to the new situation very quickly - if not before starting at the GS, once he gets there.
Good luck with the Appeal.
Sally-Anne
I can absolutely deny the last part of that statement, and probably the first half too! My son, along with others, missed the 11+ for Bucks Grammars by a few marks. We didn't win his appeal, but he passed the 12+ well.realay123 wrote:Alot of his friends are saying that Grammar schools are pushy, theres lots of homework, if you dont get something straight away your classed as a loser
He has settled in brilliantly at his new school, and is happily paddling along in the middle of the stream. With more effort he could be doing better, but that's boys for you!
No one has ever suggested to him that he is in some way a "loser" because he didn't make the cut the first time round. He has been accepted by both staff and pupils as being as able as the next kid, if not more so in some subjects.
As for the "pushy and lots of homework" - well, the teachers are nothing but positive and encouraging, and there doesn't seem to be a huge amount of homework. Mind you, there have been hints that perhaps some of it isn't quite getting through the front door at times ...
I am sure that your DS is reacting to both the disappointment and to the concern about being separated from his friends.
Plough on with your Appeal and don't be disheartened. If you win I am sure that he will come round to the new situation very quickly - if not before starting at the GS, once he gets there.
Good luck with the Appeal.
Sally-Anne
Hi realay123
In a way you're in a win win situation!
If you are successful at appeal, your DS gets to go to GS (and you will have time to re-inform him about all the benefits etc).
If you are not successful at appeal, your son will happily go off to the local comp with all his friends (again with you behind him, he will do academically well at the comp also).
In regard to his friend 'dissing' GS, maybe they realised that he was upset and tried to make him feel better!?
Also, have you thought whether your son is so anxious about 'failing' the appeal that he is trying to get in first - i.e. he is rejecting the GS before it rejects him 'again'!?
Maybe it may be a thought not to tell your son that you are going to go ahead with the appeal, that way if it isn't the outcome you wish for, he can feel that he made the choice not to go, rather than being 'rejected'. This may involve a few white lies, but could be beneficial. If you were successful at appeal, you could tell him the truth and say that you didn't tell him because you didn't want him to 'stress out'?
All the best
Lottie
In a way you're in a win win situation!
If you are successful at appeal, your DS gets to go to GS (and you will have time to re-inform him about all the benefits etc).
If you are not successful at appeal, your son will happily go off to the local comp with all his friends (again with you behind him, he will do academically well at the comp also).
In regard to his friend 'dissing' GS, maybe they realised that he was upset and tried to make him feel better!?
Also, have you thought whether your son is so anxious about 'failing' the appeal that he is trying to get in first - i.e. he is rejecting the GS before it rejects him 'again'!?
Maybe it may be a thought not to tell your son that you are going to go ahead with the appeal, that way if it isn't the outcome you wish for, he can feel that he made the choice not to go, rather than being 'rejected'. This may involve a few white lies, but could be beneficial. If you were successful at appeal, you could tell him the truth and say that you didn't tell him because you didn't want him to 'stress out'?
All the best
Lottie
Hi, Realay 123,
How frustrating for your family. I would suggest that you continue with the appeal, too. The way it works where I live (in Bucks) it would be far better if you can encourage your son to begin at grammar school and see how it goes; with the understanding that if he finds it too much of a struggle he could move to the comprehensive school. It would be relatively easy for him to transfer from a grammar to a comprehensive. Unfortunately, it is considerably more difficult to transfer schools in the other direction ie. from a comprehensive school to a grammar school.
I imagine that once he begins and settles in he will realise that he is at least as capable as most of the other children.
This way your son can make a more informed decision - and you will be less likely to be kicking yourselves for a missed opportunity.
Whatever you decide, and I can see that it's not easy, good luck,
Lynsey
How frustrating for your family. I would suggest that you continue with the appeal, too. The way it works where I live (in Bucks) it would be far better if you can encourage your son to begin at grammar school and see how it goes; with the understanding that if he finds it too much of a struggle he could move to the comprehensive school. It would be relatively easy for him to transfer from a grammar to a comprehensive. Unfortunately, it is considerably more difficult to transfer schools in the other direction ie. from a comprehensive school to a grammar school.
I imagine that once he begins and settles in he will realise that he is at least as capable as most of the other children.
This way your son can make a more informed decision - and you will be less likely to be kicking yourselves for a missed opportunity.
Whatever you decide, and I can see that it's not easy, good luck,
Lynsey
Just an update, so long since I have written! My son won his appeal! Words cannot describe how I felt when I received the letter, had to read it six times before I finally knew what they were saying. He still didnt want to go! But then he just changed his mind, just like that! He has been at Grammar for over a week now, absolutely loves it, is going with another friend who won their appeal, just wanted to let all you know, May seems along time ago now! Thanks for your words of encouragement, they helped me put the situation I was in into prospective. I see the 11 plus is coming up again shortly, it is a tough process, a rollarcoaster ride of emotions, believe me I went through it as so many more of you on this site, stay positive!!! Thanks again!
