Feeling extremely guilty.

[Ed's mum]

Having read the air cadet thread it has brought to the fore something that has been upsetting me over the last few weeks.

My daughter has recently been given glasses to wear. She is long sighted like me and also has an astigmatism. We were told that if the astigmatism had been picked up some years ago it could have been corrected.

I feel terrible about it and nothing is making me feel less guilty.

Daughter loves her glasses and thinks that they are 'cool'. I'm glad that she does. I've been trying to keep positive about all of it but inside I feel so responsible and guilty - it's my fault that the condition wasn't picked up soon enough.

It also turns out that she has had trouble reading words on the whiteboard - particularly if they were less clear colours like green or red - but she never thought to say anything.

I know that some of you will try to say things to make me feel better. I really don't think it's going to work.

[Looking for help]

My daughter also has an astigmatism, and though it was picked up when she was around 5, it was still to late to correct effectively, so don't worry, it is easily done. My other children also have various degrees of astigmatism, without so much effect on vision.

I think eyesight problems are very difficult to pick up unless extremely obvious, apparently these things are genetic, but I wasn't aware of anyone with problems in our families.

If your daughter is happy with her glasses that's great, mine was less so, and refused to wear them unless forced. Now in y13, she's beginning to admit that she might need another check up

[Ed's mum]

Yes, thank goodness, she loves them. She chose funky blue ones and then we went straight to Paperchase and bought an extremely cool glasses case. I made sure that I talked about glasses being yet another fashion accessory like jewellery/handbags/shoes etc.

It didn't stop me having a little weep in private though.

[T.i.p.s.y]

Ok, decided not to say anything to make you feel better just facts:

Did she get regular eye tests because if she did it is shame on the opticians for not picking it up.

DS1 has started wearing glasses and although it does not bother him I was quite upset about it initially. I don't know why and it is totally irrational as he has not lost a limb but that was my immediate reaction. He had had headaches for months and was struggling in class but he is also ****** useless and does not tell me anything so he has to take some responsibility too, as do the school and me for not realising!

I'm not convinced that this astigmatism cannot get sorted as my friend had it growing up and only got treatment to correct it when she was 20.

Feeling guilty will make you feel crap about yourself which leads to stress and being irritated which may make you snappy so stop feeling guilty as no one benefits from it.

P.S. Wanted to be slushy but as it wouldn't work thought I'd be blunt instead so hope I haven't offended you!

[magwich2]

Don't know if it is of any assistance but DD had contact lenses from age of 8 - opticians were quite happy as she demonstrated she could look after them properly.

[Ed's mum]

Not offended.

Eye surgery can help I believe - but obviously not at age nearly 11.

Simple answer about eye tests - no. Hence the guilt. She had had checks during the developmental checks when a baby/toddler but that's all.

[Ed's mum]

I hadn't thought of those. Thank you Magwich.But my main guilt is that I have damaged her eyes through negligence.

[PB Mum]

Interesting...I'm quite astigmatic, finally picked up many years ago, at 18, and until 45 or so, only wore my glasses intermittently (now permanent feature) and correction has never been mentioned to me. My daughter was picked up a t5, wore glasses for a year, and we told they often grow out of it, which she did. Correction again never mentioned. She is now 12 and we're collecting her glasses this afternoon, as she is having some distance / whiteboard problems (which I cheerfully waved off until she was tested last week ) Astigmatism was not mentioned last week, but I'll ask when I go this afternoon, especially with regard to correction in children.

A quick Google search only comes up with fee-paying websites (£595 per eye!) and you are asked to be >18...there'll be somebody out there with more info...but PLEASE, PLEASE don't feel guilty - I doubt surgery would be offered for a developing eye

[Nathair]

Both me and my daughter have astigmatism, so did my father. While it may be improved by catching it earlier, I don't think it can be cured, I have been wearing glasses for the past 20 years and my eye sight is worse now than it was when I started.
As for feeling guilty, it's your job as a parent to be guilty over stuff We didn't realise that my DD1's hearing wasn't okay, I just kept telling her off for ignoring me, turn's out that she could hardly hear anything and was lip reading I felt terrible for telling her off and not finding out earlier, but if they don't say "Sorry, I didn't hear you/see that" how are you supposed to know?
She doesn't hold it against you, don't hold it against yourself.

[Snowdrops]

Well thank you for posting this EM, I shall climb on the guilty bus with you!!

The reason why? My middle DD (the one I look after) had an operation at the age of oh, I dunno, about 8 or 9 I'd say (it was a long time ago OK, I can't remember that well ) which was corrective eye surgery. Now I thought this was to correct her astigmatism and when she woke up, sure enough her eye was straight as a die (she's short sighted, has/had astigmatism and had a funny turned in eye). Now in my dim wittedness I thought the turned in eye and astigmatism was one and the same thing and have been living all these years thinking it was corrected. Now perhaps I'm thinking it hasn't been!

How would I find out what was corrected after all this time - would it be purely her medical records or would the optician have those notes - but it's not the same optician we used way back then - hmmmph, I'll be wondering about that now, another thing to worry about