Advice on 8yo please

Nathair · Post by **Nathair** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 1:52 pm

For the past few weeks our 8yo DD2 (Y3) has started to act up abit, she's not being horrendous, just lots of silly little things that she knows are naughty

Things like messing with things in the bathroom, making "potions"

or asking how many biscuits she can have for supper, then taking twice that

or just generally being quite "babyish." We had parent/teacher meeting last night and her teacher had noticed it too. She's having to talk to her about her behaviour (things like talking while the teacher is) where she hasn't had to before. Again it's nothing major, but does indicate to me that something's going on.

She is in a year 3/year 4 split class.

DH and I have talked about it, and feel it may be a bit of jealousy/attention seeking.We have tried to be careful about praising her for things while praising DD1 for passing exams/getting bursary/joining young carers etc, but DD2 is obviously aware of what is going on.

Her teacher said that she is capable of passing the 11+ (she's top of the class for maths) but she needs to actually put some effort in.

DH has suggested that, in that case, we should start "Tepid" housing her. Certainly not Hot housing, but just spending some time with her each day. Sometimes going over maths/English that she is doing at school, or some music, or introducing very low level VR/NVR; things that she will need for 11+ but at an age appropriate level.

I don't know what I'm asking really:? Has anyone else has a similar thing with a younger sibling? Have you any suggestions of things to do to keep her engaged with school? What sort of things should we do at home to start introducing things like VR/NVR?

Thanks for reading all that!:shock: Any advise is appriciated

Ed's mum · Post by **Ed's mum** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:01 pm

I'm afraid that I don't have much time to reply at the moment, so this is a very quick response.

It appears that she has a need for more attention - that's certainly the impression that your post gives. Not that you have done anything wrong at all - that's not what I'm saying. She's clearly testing her boundaries. Lots of praise, as you have been doing, as much positive attention as you can give and firm boundaries. Maybe some sort of reward system?
Tepid (

) housing might be the way forward as you suggest - she'll get time with one of you and it will help her schoolwork also.

Try not to worry, I know it's tough. x

Milla · Post by **Milla** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:05 pm

quick here, too, but I'd echo Ed's mum. Sounds like classic attention seeking, and classic Y3 - as far as I can remember. I think part of it is leaving baby-dom behind and sort of wishing they weren't and they can be extra silly (perhaps while they can!) Have every confidence that you are very fair (remember you mentioning including DD2 when DD1 so successful w bursary etc) but it will still "be there".
All these phases pass but, yes, try and think of something you can do which is all about HER.

Snowdrops · Post by **Snowdrops** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:11 pm

Not much to add really, except I'm in complete agreement with the other two. She wants a bit of attention for herself too - and why not!

I think you have the answer already sorted Nat, and for times when DD1 is at young carers club (or whatever they're calling it) why not have special time for you and DD2 - perhaps a bit of baking/painting together, or maybe hit the shops once in a while with her?

I also agree it's a year 3/4 thing - I remember well dd going through it at that age, didn't last long thankfully

Post by **hermanmunster** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:15 pm

Sounds like she needs some "me" time ... is she at the same primary as yr other DD? if so may be wondering what it will be like there without her ... things may change in Septemeber (for the better I hope)

mystery · Post by **mystery** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:19 pm

Home is easy to put up with or sort by whatever method you choose. School is kind of out of your control, but worth a try if it is having a detrimental impact on school work (rather than it just being the teacher finding something to say and it sounds more significant than it is).

I've tried this with a younger child, so of course might not work for you, but it worked for me.

Agree on reward for child for what a good school day is (listening, working hard, concentrating, finishing work and moving on to extension work etc etc - something that fits with whatever the teacher's complaint was). Ask teacher if she will tell you at the end of the day if it was a Yes or No day - this keeps it brief for the teacher, and as a by-product, requires teacher to think of your child in a positive light regularly.

Ask teacher at end of each day, in front of child.

Then immediately reward and praise child when you get back to car / home. Keep the reward small - it's your praise and the teacher's praise that will count most.

You won't have to continue it forever, but it may help to re-establish the good work ethic at school again.

Good luck!

doodles · Post by **doodles** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:20 pm

Are you sure you aren't describing our house Nathair! Apart from the school part sounds like DS2 and a very Yr 3 thing! Will have a good think and get back to you but in the meantime thought you might like to know you are not alone!!!!!

Nathair · Post by **Nathair** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:22 pm

Thanks all, you've confirmed what we are thinking, so that makes me feel better. I don't recall having the the same thing with DD1, but DD2 is a much more "normal"

child.I don't mean anything bad by that, just that DD1 was born middle aged

I think now all the 11+ stuff is over we're going to have to make a real effort to spend some time with DD2 doing things for her. I like the idea of baking and painting Snowdrops, I just hope your right and it doesn't last too long. At least we've caught and recognized it early I hope.

stevew61 · Post by **stevew61** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:37 pm

I found that my DD (currently) in year 3 was getting a bit left out as I spent time with DS1 and DS2. She was keen to compete with the boys and so was introduced to VR and NVR at a very early age and lots of science too. I guess if we were a musical or a sporty family she would have been exposed to those influences at an early age.

In the warmer weather we go to a park by the river away from the distractions of home and chat and do some work together.

At first it was a shock as I realised I had not spent one to one time with DD for a long time.

I have not seen any signs of misbehaviour (yet

) but have noticed an increase in self confidence and willingness to join in with joint raids on the kitchen cupboards.

So to end my rambling, spend some time with your DD and do a fun activity together that might come in useful later.

steve

KB · Post by KB » Wed Mar 31, 2010 7:36 pm

I agree with pretty much all of the above ! except I wouldn't get involved with the poor school behaviour at this point.

You have recognised that DD's behaviour in school may be a reflection of how she feels at home just at the moment & are taking steps to do something about it so I would say you are 'doing your bit'.

Of course you need to support the school & the teacher in anything they are doing but with such low-level problems I believe the teacher should be able to deal with it & leave you to develop your relationship with your DD at home, unclouded by any little niggles at school.

If you make too much of the silliness at school your DD could see herself as a 'naughty child' who needs special treatment & in my limited experience this isn't helpful

More than likely it will pass as she gets interested in other things.