Tipsy needs a big hug more than DS I reckon
I'm a big softy but I agree that they do need to learn.
The only thing I would add is that if they are going to/ have got in to trouble at school then leave it to school to deal with it rather than letting it cause upset between you and DS. (Not that I always manage it by any means!!)
Youngest DC is pretty bad too. We have a check list for each evening & for Sunday afternoons to avoid last minute panics.
Does DS have a homework diary so you could put up a list of homework on a Friday night & he can tick off as its done so you can keep track easily?
They do need to take repsonsiblity but most need some guidance in how to manage things so making them keep lists etc ( & reminding them to check them) isn't taking away responsiblty just giving them the tools to get it right!
Hope you feel better soon Tipsy - in my experience the DCs get over this sort of thing alot quicker than we do.