The time has finally come S-E-X Education

[Amber]

Sherry, if you could work this one out you could get a job in government. The arguments for and against have been batted backwards and forwards for years - The Netherlands (lots of sex education from an early age, largely secular society) has a very low teenage pregnancy rate; but then so do some very religious societies which ban sex education altogether. Perhaps the problem in the UK is that there is no clear ethos underlying anything we do - no religion, no sense of genuine community and no clear plan about where we are going. IMO the benefit system doesn't help either - I was genuinely jaw-droppingly gobsmacked when a parent at one school I was teaching at confessed to getting pregnant again because of the Child Benefit and was hoping the child would be the opposite sex of what she already had so she would have to be rehoused.

Our lack of direction is not confined to sex education - think about alcohol. Attempts to supplant a continental style drinking culture into the UK failed because here the idea of 'going out for a drink' is so deeply engrained, and being able to 'hold your drink' is such a badge of masculinity. Before going to work in Norway I was warned that if anyone asked you out for a drink they were almost certainly an alcoholic!

Our values are all to pot as a society, in my rather sad and cynical view. No-one really cares about anyone else, at least not if it means actually putting yourself out for them...and to this is why we struggle with wondering what values we should transmit with s education.

[chicko-mum]

Our values are all to pot as a society, in my rather sad and cynical view. No-one really cares about anyone else, at least not if it means actually putting yourself out for them...

Amber, I agree with what you have said here, sad state of affairs as it is.
However, I'd like to think there are some out there that do care - including all those who are addicted to this forum (tee hee )!!

[Looking for help]

I have been reading this thread with interest, time to put size 12s in.
I think there is a huge amount of disparity in what we as parents believe is acceptable. Most people no longer believe in waiting till marriage, lots of parent are divorced and have had several partners and the children therefore all have different views ingrained early on about what is acceptable. Therefore any one view will not fit all. My older children had very little education in this department at primary school, just a little chat with the school nurse for the girsl and nothing for the boys, who all got out to play and wondered what on earth was so exciting that they were missing.
My youngest got this video and various group sessions to discuss, a year has now passed and he still asks embarrassing questions especially when grandma is visiting, much to the absolute hilarity of the older ones Do I think it was worth it? Not sure, the jury is still out here. We parents got to view the film in advance of it being shown to the children, and I found it quite shocking, myself, however I would not stop my son from seeing it, because that would have given the others amunition with which to torment him. Also while I have certain views about this my children may not share them as they grow older, it is similar to the girls being given the HPV vaccination. I do not want my children to behave in a manner I think is inappropriate, however I still want to protect them from cancer.
Amber you are correct, values in this country seem to be awful nowadays, the best thing we can do for our children is arm them with knowledge and instill the values we hold dear, and keep our fingers crossed

[sherry_d]

IMO the benefit system doesn't help either - I was genuinely jaw-droppingly gobsmacked when a parent at one school I was teaching at confessed to getting pregnant again because of the Child Benefit and was hoping the child would be the opposite gender of what she already had so she would have to be rehoused.

This is just so true and imagine the appeal this has on a teenager. Have a baby, get money and a council flat. That surely must sound like heaven on earth. The sad reality is most of these come from broken homes where this culture is the norm. I used to work with 16/17 years olds in the Jobcentre as these cant technically claim unless they are estranged. It was amazing how many of these youngster's parents would tell me they have "kicked their kids out" just so we could house them and give them jobseekers allowance.

I have never heard a huge amount of lies like I did during this period and it was so cool to do this and the parents would laugh off when I asked them about estrangement. Sadly my hands were tied if the parents claimed they were then we had to pay them and sort their housing. It didnt take long for some of the girls to get pregnant as income support is so hassle free. No need to sign on and no one on your back hassling you about getting training so this appealed more and having babies was the only option for this. Sadly for the boys it was prison. Its such a shame and they were particluar schools they mostly came from where the govt has made huge investments on teaching s-e-x education. But nothing beats word of mouth and amazingly our system looks at these as vulnerable so they jump ahead of everyone else and are on top prority for housing and if they want money we had to run like headless chicken to bow to their needs.

[Amber]

In my opinion the celebrity culture in the UK has an awful lot to answer for. The psychology of celebrity worship is I suppose not too complex - replacing God and all that - but it never ceases to amaze me that even very intelligent people spend so much time reading celebrity magazines and watching reality TV shows. I think the idea that we are all meant to look gorgeous and spend lots of time having recreational S with serial partners is a pernicious one and it does permeate down to the youngest in our society, who model themselves on these plastic people, especially if their parents are also obsessed with them. Women now want to be best friends with their daughters, everyone between 6 and 60 is meant to wear the same type of clothes, we all want to be Forever Young. Little girls are s-ised (I really wish I didn't keep having this perfectly reasonable word censored ) and wear thongs and cropped tops; little boys pull their trousers down at the back to reveal their underwear like (some of their) dads do. People laugh at all this and call it harmless fun, but by allowing it we kiss goodbye to the innocence of our young people. With all this goes a permissiveness in S matters which to some extent can be liberating, but in terms of transmitting values (as opposed to nasty diseases) it stinks.

[sherry_d]

but it never ceases to amaze me that even very intelligent people spend so much time reading celebrity magazines and watching reality TV shows.

Amber sheesh you going to far now.

I must admit I am a reality TV junkie and I know its just rubbish and I often go and read the dailymail online because the celeb section is pretty good and I then gasp in horror at what those poor celebs are up too. Of late its been Kerry Katona, I just wish her life could move without men. I wish I could tell her Kerry you dont need men all the time.

[Amber]

but it never ceases to amaze me that even very intelligent people spend so much time reading celebrity magazines and watching reality TV shows.

Amber sheesh you going to far now.

I must admit I am a reality TV junkie and I know its just rubbish and I often go and read the dailymail online because the celeb section is pretty good and I then gasp in horror at what those poor celebs are up too. Of late its been Kerry Katona, I just wish her life could move without men. I wish I could tell her Kerry you dont need men all the time.

Aaaagh!

[mad?]

but it never ceases to amaze me that even very intelligent people spend so much time reading celebrity magazines and watching reality TV shows.

Amber sheesh you going to far now.

I must admit I am a reality TV junkie and I know its just rubbish and I often go and read the dailymail online because the celeb section is pretty good and I then gasp in horror at what those poor celebs are up too. Of late its been Kerry Katona, I just wish her life could move without men. I wish I could tell her Kerry you dont need men all the time.

Aaaagh!

Amber I'm with you...definitely!

[Midget Man]

Completely with you too Amber! It horrifies me how some little girl's are dressed and the language they are accustomed to at home, absolutely no way will my dd who's 7 be dressing or acting in any other way than what is appropriate for her age!

I asked my Midget if there had been any s-e-x education at school and he said no(now yr6). I spoke to OH yesterday about having a chat, but what should we tell him? He's as he should be for his age, so would rather not divulge info aimed at older children. Any idea's?

[chicko-mum]

Has he asked you any questions?
With DD that was the starting point, which led to me filling in the gaps (well, only some of them ). Out of that came some of the playground talk - I corrected some of that as well. There were some strange ideas about babies & belly buttons floating around It was during these sorts of bite sized chats that I have hopefully reinforced our values about s-e-x and relationships. This is what we felt was the best approach for her.