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I'm sorry but I do think it depends on the age of the child & moreover some of the chit chat would be best missed!
Personally, I think that there is an age after which it would be unwise to ban it but there should still be safeguards & limits to usage - it is very easy for them to waste alot of time with it & bored teenagers making idle gossip can have unpleasant consequences.
As with most things - moderation & commonsense!
Each parent knows their own child & how best to implement safeguards depending on their age & circumstances. The fact that everyone else has it is of course a factor to be given serious consideration but shouldn't over-ride parental instincts. The fact that the vast majority of 17 year olds go out drinking with fake ID doesn't mean that my children have been allowed to do it - and yes they have lost out (in the short term at least) but it doesn't change my opinion that it isn't in their best interests.
Personally, I think that there is an age after which it would be unwise to ban it but there should still be safeguards & limits to usage - it is very easy for them to waste alot of time with it & bored teenagers making idle gossip can have unpleasant consequences.
As with most things - moderation & commonsense!
Each parent knows their own child & how best to implement safeguards depending on their age & circumstances. The fact that everyone else has it is of course a factor to be given serious consideration but shouldn't over-ride parental instincts. The fact that the vast majority of 17 year olds go out drinking with fake ID doesn't mean that my children have been allowed to do it - and yes they have lost out (in the short term at least) but it doesn't change my opinion that it isn't in their best interests.
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Chelmsford mum
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Sassie'sDad
- Posts: 459
- Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:36 pm
- Location: Rugby
With you on this one all the way! FB is encouragement to fritter time away at best, and at worst a danger. Ask any real IT expert (not a school IT person) and they will admit there is no such thing as a secure system. Microsoft OS comes with built in settings "set to be insecure". The average user is no more competant to reconfigure those settings than the average car driver is to give his own vehice a major service.
But anyone can follow the below mentioned account and be wiser!
http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/
But anyone can follow the below mentioned account and be wiser!
http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/
Yes there are dangers, and yes it can be a huge time-waster.
But failblog, stumbledupon and loads of others websites can be time-wasters too, along with TV, DVDs, games, music etc.
There is also some good stuff on Facebook, some of it even educational, e.g. groups which have active discussion pages about academic subjects.
So, yes, be careful and know and monitor your child etc, but don't assume the website is inherently and solely a force for bad.
But failblog, stumbledupon and loads of others websites can be time-wasters too, along with TV, DVDs, games, music etc.
There is also some good stuff on Facebook, some of it even educational, e.g. groups which have active discussion pages about academic subjects.
So, yes, be careful and know and monitor your child etc, but don't assume the website is inherently and solely a force for bad.
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Sassie'sDad
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- Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:36 pm
- Location: Rugby
Agree with you mostly, but what I really find ghastly about this present, enlightened 21C, is that parents (not to mention big brother) now advocate spying on our children's activities! I have a 20 year old dd and I acknowledge she is an adult and respect her privacy, even though I honestly think she is still a child and more innocent than her younger sibling.
I also have a 12 year old who is far more sophisticated than I was at that tender age. Having investigated what IT experts, and inded my own County Education Authority and her school advocate, in terms of taking measures to safeguard her, I find that this entails treating her as if she is not to be trusted and monitering her every action. Perhaps this is every parents right; nay responsibility. However, I my case (though old) I still remember how DEVISTATED I would have felt in being judged not to be trusted by either of my parents: So I have chosen (almost) to allow them whatever access they feel they need, and the privacy that goes with it.
What I am really arguing for is that; 1/"users" understand ther risks they take. 2/Against anyone who believes that, as set up on default setting FB is safe! Caveat emptor.
Finally there must be legions who lie and sign up to an an account aunder age, my dd2 is one of them.
I also have a 12 year old who is far more sophisticated than I was at that tender age. Having investigated what IT experts, and inded my own County Education Authority and her school advocate, in terms of taking measures to safeguard her, I find that this entails treating her as if she is not to be trusted and monitering her every action. Perhaps this is every parents right; nay responsibility. However, I my case (though old) I still remember how DEVISTATED I would have felt in being judged not to be trusted by either of my parents: So I have chosen (almost) to allow them whatever access they feel they need, and the privacy that goes with it.
What I am really arguing for is that; 1/"users" understand ther risks they take. 2/Against anyone who believes that, as set up on default setting FB is safe! Caveat emptor.
Finally there must be legions who lie and sign up to an an account aunder age, my dd2 is one of them.
During a quiet moment before Christmas I had a look at my 17 year old nieces face book page. As she seems to have about 1000 friends I am sure she cannot recall inviting me to be one of them.
It was terrifying. Pregnancy scares, drunken nights out and an enormous amount of abuse directed towards my rather strict sister. A random look at some of her friends brought up a number of men who described themselves as "married" . I hope that only half of it is true and have no intention of mentioning any of it to my sister but I so wish I had never peeked. Luckily they live in Australia so there is no no chance of me interfering directly.
My sister in law is a "friend" of my 16 year old daughter and after reading my niece's page I am dangerously close to asking her to have the odd look at my daughter's page and report anything really bad. But it does feel like spying and I agree with Sassies Dad, if my parents had done the same to me I would never have forgiven them.
It was terrifying. Pregnancy scares, drunken nights out and an enormous amount of abuse directed towards my rather strict sister. A random look at some of her friends brought up a number of men who described themselves as "married" . I hope that only half of it is true and have no intention of mentioning any of it to my sister but I so wish I had never peeked. Luckily they live in Australia so there is no no chance of me interfering directly.
My sister in law is a "friend" of my 16 year old daughter and after reading my niece's page I am dangerously close to asking her to have the odd look at my daughter's page and report anything really bad. But it does feel like spying and I agree with Sassies Dad, if my parents had done the same to me I would never have forgiven them.
Marigold, your case is rather the opposite of some people's fears: Facebook has enabled you to get a view of problems that are happening anyway, outside of Facebook (rather than creating new problems through Facebook).
As for the guilt and appropriateness of "spying", there's a difference between doing it covertly and viewing what any of their FB friends, including you, can read. The former may still be appropriate, but it's a different issue. Similarly, if the child/YA knows you know their password of check history and cookies etc, that is different again.
I don't think there will ever be a one-size-fits-all answer, even with siblings in the same family, let alone between different families, but I for one find it helpful to read and discuss different people's views.
As for the guilt and appropriateness of "spying", there's a difference between doing it covertly and viewing what any of their FB friends, including you, can read. The former may still be appropriate, but it's a different issue. Similarly, if the child/YA knows you know their password of check history and cookies etc, that is different again.
I don't think there will ever be a one-size-fits-all answer, even with siblings in the same family, let alone between different families, but I for one find it helpful to read and discuss different people's views.
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Chelmsford mum
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I believe it is the case you can filter what your "friends" see anyway.marigold wrote: I am dangerously close to asking her to have the odd look at my daughter's page and report anything really bad. But it does feel like spying and I agree with Sassies Dad, if my parents had done the same to me I would never have forgiven them.
I don't know when monitoring/supervision becomes spying? At the moment as mine are some distance away from 16, I feel comfortable with having their passwords even if they don't like it. Beyond that age I may review it....
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Sassie'sDad
- Posts: 459
- Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:36 pm
- Location: Rugby
I returned to my posting to edit, by adding a useful link to "ten privacy settings every user should know" - obviously did something wrong as the edit disappeared, so here is the link:
http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/
In my earlier ramblings I see I made no clear distinction between parental supervision of a FB account and general measures to lock down a system against a/ gaining access (whether intensionally or otherwise) to 'inapropriate material' and b/ preventing identity theft, phishing etc. I see the former as somewhat like the medaeval chastity belt and it is not for me.
For the latter I would be surprised if one in a thousand had run an online Internet Security shields test on their home desktop/laptop (www.grc.com) or does any routine housekeeping; de-fragmenting of HDD, scanning for malware, changes to Registry etc., all necessary to maintaining Windows systems.
http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/
In my earlier ramblings I see I made no clear distinction between parental supervision of a FB account and general measures to lock down a system against a/ gaining access (whether intensionally or otherwise) to 'inapropriate material' and b/ preventing identity theft, phishing etc. I see the former as somewhat like the medaeval chastity belt and it is not for me.
For the latter I would be surprised if one in a thousand had run an online Internet Security shields test on their home desktop/laptop (www.grc.com) or does any routine housekeeping; de-fragmenting of HDD, scanning for malware, changes to Registry etc., all necessary to maintaining Windows systems.
I have allowed my children to have facebook, but mainly they just play on the cafe or farm games. DD (age 12) has added lots of friends so that she can have neighbours in her games. Some games attract random friend requests and we talked to DS (age 13) who wanted to have more neighbours and had clicked yes to some of these people. He deleted them quite happily and accepted that it was a silly thing to do.
We have similar rules with the laptop. It is confiscated if too much time is spent on it or if I need them to do chores and they are busy playing on their cafe, which is highly important.
On the plus side they have friends with family members who are a long distance from here and they keep in touch. I am trying to persuade my parents to join so that they can chat to the children more easily.
I, too, have passwords and the children actively wanted me to be their friend. I don't post on their walls and regularly read through DD's messages. Need to look at DS's messages again. Thanks for the reminder.
We have similar rules with the laptop. It is confiscated if too much time is spent on it or if I need them to do chores and they are busy playing on their cafe, which is highly important.
On the plus side they have friends with family members who are a long distance from here and they keep in touch. I am trying to persuade my parents to join so that they can chat to the children more easily.
I, too, have passwords and the children actively wanted me to be their friend. I don't post on their walls and regularly read through DD's messages. Need to look at DS's messages again. Thanks for the reminder.
