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Perhaps I'm not quite as anxious because I have boys (though I know they can be victims too), but they use FB, as do I. The dangers in the virtual world are different (and not confined to FB) and they need to be aware of them and reminded of them, but there are dangers in the real world too, so I'm wary of pinning too much on FB.
The difficult bit is how much freedom you let them have and when.
We used to have heavy duty parental controls, but they're both so tech-savvy now that they could hack it if they wanted to - and cover their tracks, certainly older DS. When we bought a new PC, we didn't go quite so OTT (though neither did we draw their attention to the fact). We check history files and cookies every now and then, and we chat to them about all sorts, including safety in its broadest sense. Are we responsible, reckless or realistic?
The difficult bit is how much freedom you let them have and when.
We used to have heavy duty parental controls, but they're both so tech-savvy now that they could hack it if they wanted to - and cover their tracks, certainly older DS. When we bought a new PC, we didn't go quite so OTT (though neither did we draw their attention to the fact). We check history files and cookies every now and then, and we chat to them about all sorts, including safety in its broadest sense. Are we responsible, reckless or realistic?
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Chelmsford mum
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- Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:16 pm
I think that the knowledge that you can occasionally check on their browsing history is a restraint, if it should be needed.I do not have the time to constantly check up but the knowledge that I can and occasionally do is helpful.They also know that if I find their browsing history deleted, I will be suspicious.zee wrote: We check history files and cookies every now and then, and we chat to them about all sorts, including safety in its broadest sense.
I agree I probably worry more as I have girls.I agree too that there is more danger in the " real world" but some more predatory types do try to take them out of the virtual world into the " real world".I don't want to sound like I am scare mongering. The incident I described earlier could just have been so much worse without a sensible child and a vigilant parent.
I also think that even a sensible child can be tempted by the skilled flattery of predatory adults.
A sad world at times but overall I think FB is a largely positive thing although I am not tempted as I spend too much time here...
Just a few ramblings from someone who, this time last year, thought all this social networking stuff was a bit risky and wanted nothing to do with it...
Social networking sites are part of today's technological world and are here to stay, and as with everything else there is good and bad and it's the bad stuff that makes the headlines. Far better imho to let our kids use them in a controlled way and with full awareness of the risks involved, than bury our heads in the sand and ban them outright, especially as there are benefits to be had from responsible use.
DD1 (16) actually asked me to be her friend just after I registered, not that I wasn't going to ask her but I hadn't started adding people as I was still looking for a reasonably flattering photo!
Anyway now she grumbles when I post on her wall 
but is otherwise happy to have me. The nice thing is that several of her friends have invited me to join their friends lists. Seeing their posts gives me an insight into her world and plenty more to talk and laugh about with DD. Another plus for me is that I've been able to get in touch with old friends from way back when, and it's been fascinating catching up with them especially a school friend who lives in South Africa who I "chat" to regularly in real time, and the college friend who responded to my friend request by revealing that she has been a nun for 15 years 
, also photos and messages from family members with whom I would have no contact apart from an annual Christmas card.
We allowed DD2 (12) to register when she asked as it's a really good way of keeping in touch with friends from her old school, whom she would otherwise rarely see. We've agreed that I should have full access to her account and I regularly check in to see who is contacting her and what is being posted to her wall. I have set her privacy settings so that only her "friends" can access any part of her page. The funny thing is that since she's allowed to have FB she doesn't use it all that much and I have to nag her to pick up her messages .
I have to say that apart from some dodgy-looking quizzes I have never seen anything posted by any friends of either DD that would cause me serious concern. A word of caution, though - Facebook recently changed its default settings so that most of the page information is visible to outsiders. Most people don't seem to realize this and have simply accepted the new defaults. It is important to set privacy to "Friends only" for just about everything otherwise the data can be accessed by just about anyone.
Social networking sites are part of today's technological world and are here to stay, and as with everything else there is good and bad and it's the bad stuff that makes the headlines. Far better imho to let our kids use them in a controlled way and with full awareness of the risks involved, than bury our heads in the sand and ban them outright, especially as there are benefits to be had from responsible use.
DD1 (16) actually asked me to be her friend just after I registered, not that I wasn't going to ask her but I hadn't started adding people as I was still looking for a reasonably flattering photo!
Anyway now she grumbles when I post on her wall but is otherwise happy to have me. The nice thing is that several of her friends have invited me to join their friends lists. Seeing their posts gives me an insight into her world and plenty more to talk and laugh about with DD. Another plus for me is that I've been able to get in touch with old friends from way back when, and it's been fascinating catching up with them especially a school friend who lives in South Africa who I "chat" to regularly in real time, and the college friend who responded to my friend request by revealing that she has been a nun for 15 years , also photos and messages from family members with whom I would have no contact apart from an annual Christmas card. We allowed DD2 (12) to register when she asked as it's a really good way of keeping in touch with friends from her old school, whom she would otherwise rarely see. We've agreed that I should have full access to her account and I regularly check in to see who is contacting her and what is being posted to her wall. I have set her privacy settings so that only her "friends" can access any part of her page. The funny thing is that since she's allowed to have FB she doesn't use it all that much and I have to nag her to pick up her messages
.I have to say that apart from some dodgy-looking quizzes I have never seen anything posted by any friends of either DD that would cause me serious concern. A word of caution, though - Facebook recently changed its default settings so that most of the page information is visible to outsiders. Most people don't seem to realize this and have simply accepted the new defaults. It is important to set privacy to "Friends only" for just about everything otherwise the data can be accessed by just about anyone.
Marylou
DD has Facebook and MSN and I know the password for these and her email account(s) and can check at any time and I am her friend on Facebook.
Rules are I can ask to see her laptop screen at any moment and refusal means the laptop is confiscated (I've only actually had to confiscate it once!)
DS1 doesn't have Facebook as he's not yet 13 and his year group left primary school before it was popular.
Lots of the current Year 7 have Facebook and have lied about their age.
DS2 in year 5 has no chance yet! but quite a few of his peers have accounts.
Privacy settings - check them, and check them again, with the recent Facebook privacy changes there are alot more "open" accounts.
Beware which applications are added and regularly delete those not used, one innocent application I was using suddenly became a dat ing (typed as one word became starred on here!!) application and everyday I had details of "dates" in my notifications!
Rules are I can ask to see her laptop screen at any moment and refusal means the laptop is confiscated (I've only actually had to confiscate it once!)
DS1 doesn't have Facebook as he's not yet 13 and his year group left primary school before it was popular.
Lots of the current Year 7 have Facebook and have lied about their age.
DS2 in year 5 has no chance yet! but quite a few of his peers have accounts.
Privacy settings - check them, and check them again, with the recent Facebook privacy changes there are alot more "open" accounts.
Beware which applications are added and regularly delete those not used, one innocent application I was using suddenly became a dat ing (typed as one word became starred on here!!) application and everyday I had details of "dates" in my notifications!
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wanting the best
- Posts: 48
- Joined: Sun Dec 27, 2009 3:15 pm
I went to an internet safety talk given by my DC school (secondary) IT teacher. She said basically what has been said here.
1. No one should have a secret password in the family. This way parents can keep track of everything.
2. Open a FB account for yourself and add your DC as a friend.
3. Be very open with your DC and develop a relationship in which they are entirely comfortable talking with you. Tell them they are to come to you if they find something they are uncomfortable with on the internet. They should do this without switching off the site so that you can see it and then report it to your ISP. (The teacher's DC had wanted to see the Disney site and came across a site set up by a paedophile who had used the name Disnye so if anyone made a typing mistake they were directed to that site. DC left the computer on and told mum who had the site removed).
4. Computer should be placed in a communal place not in bedrooms.
5. The IT teacher said it is better to have above controls and let DC have FB account because if they don't have FB they will face peer pressuer and may be persuaded to have one without your knowledge.
1. No one should have a secret password in the family. This way parents can keep track of everything.
2. Open a FB account for yourself and add your DC as a friend.
3. Be very open with your DC and develop a relationship in which they are entirely comfortable talking with you. Tell them they are to come to you if they find something they are uncomfortable with on the internet. They should do this without switching off the site so that you can see it and then report it to your ISP. (The teacher's DC had wanted to see the Disney site and came across a site set up by a paedophile who had used the name Disnye so if anyone made a typing mistake they were directed to that site. DC left the computer on and told mum who had the site removed).
4. Computer should be placed in a communal place not in bedrooms.
5. The IT teacher said it is better to have above controls and let DC have FB account because if they don't have FB they will face peer pressuer and may be persuaded to have one without your knowledge.
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Chelmsford mum
- Posts: 2113
- Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:16 pm
Me tooyoungest wrote:DD has Facebook and MSN and I know the password for these and her email account(s) and can check at any time
Rules are I can ask to see her laptop screen at any moment and refusal means the laptop is confiscated (I've only actually had to confiscate it once!)
So despite what my daughter says, I am not the " only"parent in "like the whole world" who does this. -
Chelmsford mum
- Posts: 2113
- Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:16 pm
Anyone who doesn't let their teenagers use facebook needs to be aware that they will be cutting their children off from a major means of communication with thier friends, and they WILL miss out on social events and general chit chat. It's just a fact of life that teenagers communicate this way. Forbid it if you like but there will be consequences, and your clhild wil almost certainly lose out.
