11 Plus Exams Forum

Every so often in the time my DD has been at primary school she has come home and told me about children in her class having, or splitting up from boyfriends and girlfriends. I have always taken it with a pinch of salt and merely commented that I would rather she have friends who are boys rather than 'a boyfriend' until she is a lot older. This year, however, (she is in Year 6) the interest in 'coupling up' has become more intense. DD and one other girl refuse to 'go out' with anyone but every other child has had some kind of 'relationship', mostly confined to hanging around together at school but sometimes even going on dates and exchanging quite expensive gifts. There has been kissing and quite acrimonious break ups (including allegations of Facebook and face to face bullying.) The latest manifestation of this craze is the interest in attending a forthcoming school disco as 'couples.' I think that the school is encouraging this by calling the event a "Valentine's" disco.

Am I over reacting in seeing this as unsuitable behaviour in a primary school? I don't think it's good for children's development to be seeing each other as dates rather than friends at 10 and 11 years of age. It's hurrying them into adulthood and making relations between the sexes far too complicated far too soon. DD has told everyone that she has no interest in having a boyfriend (which I am glad about) but it sets her apart from so many others in her class at a time when they should really be bonding before the big split at the end of the year - when hopefully she'll be setting off for 5-7 years in an all female establishment.

Wierdly - the forum will not let me use the word d-a-t-i-n-g which has led to some rather awkward editing on my part. When did it become a rude word?

I completely agree with you - this is not appropriate for children of 10 and 11. I'm surprised that the school would hold a Valentine's disco.

I also totally agree with you, a totally ridiculous event for a primary school.

I have described before on the forum some appalling bullying my son endured in year 6 after refusing "to go out with " a girl in his class which resulted in him begging me to let him be home schooled for the summer term.

Luckily his teacher seemed to deal with it well but he still goes white at the mention of the girls name . Your daughter is being very brave and I would heap praise upon her for refusing to follow the crowd.

My son is now in year 7 at an all boys school and has today come home asking for money to buy a ticket for the valentines disco held jointly with the girl's grammar. He has obviously not been put off the ladies for life and as his elder sister is at the girl's school and will also be attending, some bilateral cramping of styles is predicted.

This suggestion came up at our PTA and, luckily, it was vetoed. It does add to the pressure for them when we send out mixed messages as adults.

DD's best friend from 3-6 was a friend's son. Every year, his mum would send my DD a Valentine's card and a choccy from her son and I think she wanted me to do the same for him. I made it clear that I wasn't going to. As p-p-m said, why complicate matters?

personally I think a Valentine's disco is a stupid idea!!

I am completely with you in your views. This broke out at my sons' school at one point and luckily the Head took decisive action to kill the events that caused it. If kids are encouraged to get silly, they will.

push-pull-mum wrote:the forum will not let me use the word d-a-t-i-n-g which has led to some rather awkward editing on my part. When did it become a rude word?

Unfortunately there are spammers for d-a-t-i-n-g websites who turn up at the dead of night and post their rubbish. A block on certain words is one of our early defences against it until a Mod crawls out of bed and removes the post.

We do review the list of banned words from time to time. Quite a lot were liberated last time we reviewed them. You are now entirely safe when posting about salmon recipes and wicker furniture, at least for the time being!

I completely agree that a Valentine's Disco is inappropriate.

My DD is in year 5, and unfortunately her school have decided to hold a Valentine's Disco this year. She came home today complaining that the other children spent the whole of every playtime this week talking about boyfriends/girlfriends pairing up for the disco. She was horrified at the thought and just wants to go and spend time with her friends.

I may have a word with the Head, just to let her know how I feel !

At Miss Magwich's grammar school the usual pattern is that a VERY small number of years 7-10 have a "boyfriend" ( YUK - pass the bucket please -QUICKLY!!!!!!) and are almost immediately regarded as beyond the pale by everyone else.

By the end of the upper sixth about one third have boyfriends but very few of these "relationships" are seen as serious.

I cannot imagine anything worse than arriving at university whilst having some ghastly boyfriend back at home. What a downer!

Who are the very stupid mothers who allow their girls to act out love's young dream whilst they are still jailbait???

Whatever happened to feminism??Who wants their daughter to be a notch on some spotty idiot's bedstead?

marigold wrote: He has obviously not been put off the ladies for life and as his elder sister is at the girl's school and will also be attending, some bilateral cramping of styles is predicted.

Oh how you make me laugh, marigold...and so it will continue for some years to come. methinks

I think a valentines disco for year 6 is totally wrong, and cannot understand why a primary school would have one, although I have heard , from hearsay that the primary school my children attended up until 2 years ago, have this summer had a prom in a local hotel with stretch limos and the like, so I am clearly out of touch
I think though magwich anyone who gets in the way of love's young dream in y10 or 11 will get what they deserve, either a) a teenager who will no longer communicate with his/her parents, or b) not enough A*s in GCSEs

I certainly don't think you're over-reacting, p-p-m. I am gobsmacked that this is going on at this age! I asked dd about this earlier, ie if there is such talk in her class,(she has never mentioned it) and she told me there is! I am shocked, although dd said she just ignores it and doesn't get involved, thankfully!

At my DD's school, they had a video in year 5 about puberty and relationships etc, and I was quite happy about this, but am now wondering if this is why some of them are behaving this way? Or maybe it's because they generally mature earlier these days?