Over dependence

[rachag]

I am sure lots (?most) of us have younger ones doing home work in or near kitchen. If you were a parent, I would say spend some time next to her, then do something else nearby for a short time and return and she will gradually get used to doing a little bit by herself. If maths, perhaps she could do the questions 'in rough' i.e not in her school exercise book and you could check them before she committed to 'best' in her book? This too long winded though probably for English.
I have 3 friends whose boys would only do their homework with parent sitting next to them until year 6 so perhaps not an unusual problem especially if confidence or finding the work difficult is an issue.

[push-pull-mum]

Push-Pull-Mum
You did misinterpret those statements and ‘missed’ the word ‘solely’.

I advised accordingly - and helpfully I hope.

At least I offered advice to their original query...

As the mother of four teenagers I hope it is sound, genuine advice and it was made with the OP’s best interests at heart and in the best interests of the little sister.

You didn’t actually attempt to answer the OP’s query at all so as for who was trying to be more supportive and helpful…

As for those 'worse websites' – yes I do know. Two of mine are over 18.

If I said: ‘Bed by eleven’ to mine they would say: ‘Okay, sleep well Mum’!

Obviously more than 'slight offence' then Belinda - not sure what I can add to the 'really sorry.'

I'm afraid I couldn't advise on the 'over dependance' issue because it is not something I have experience of but, because I do have experience of growing up in a family where siblings had to take on additional responsibilities, I thought I had a valid point to make - and admitted to my personal bias when doing so.

Ah well - as parents and posters we can only do our best - and, as my mother always reminds me - "A parent's place is in the wrong."

[AR1890]

Well first of all I would like to say thank you to all who have taken the time to reply.

Firstly I don't think it is entirely down to wanting attention but it's her class setting.The teacher has bunched kids into groups for subjects which I did didn't have at my school and everyone "knows" with the allocation of the table they sit at, where they stand in regards to their peers.It doesn't mean the kids get the help they need,but in a class of 31 and this makes it difficult for teachers to give individual attention. She just needs to understand that she can't be the best at everything.

I don't usually tend to go to bed early and I shall be 26 in six years time.

Go and play a game together instead!
And whilst I advocate 'each to their own' I would be horrified, and a little bit concerned, if any of my teenage children felt the need to 'mix' on this (particular) website with adults and parents.

Homework is homework and needs to be completed and can't be ignored. Perhaps the word horrified is a bit strong here.Most people my age make the choice to go and party but I like being at home sometimes.

Without a doubt parents are their childrens best educators but this option to be taught by parents isn't always avaliable and we shouldn't completely rely on schools to ensure that they will learn what they need to.

I don't feel the need to mix with people I probablly will never meet, rather just after some information regarding exams and whatnot, which did help my other sister get into her second choice grammer school.

[pheasantchick]

Its nice that you are such a caring sister. Obviously you look young for your age, as many people mistook you for a teenager!

When my DSs were in year 3, I would do what someone suggested above. Be there at the start of homework, and then be around in the same room to encourage and help if needed. The advice about doing the homework in rough first is a good suggestion.

[mystery]

AR1890, I don't have the answer to this one. In fact, I am concerned about the same issue with my year 2 child. But I am assuming that over time it will sort itself out, and that it is better that she does the homework with me there, and maybe gets some help from me, than doesn't do it at all.

These are just some of my thoughts which may or may not apply to your situation that I am going to try gradually over the next few years ....... both your sister and my daughter are still very young, and maybe having much older siblings (mine do too, similar gap to yours) makes them stay "baby" longer.

1. When you sit next to her while she does her homework have something of your own to do - read a book you really enjoy reading (you are setting a great example for reading independently then), or do some of your own studying if you have some - she'll then see how an adult tackles studying in an independent way, and possibly also get an interest in your learning ----- then you'll turn the age gap the other way round - her learning something adult rather than you always having to adapt to the younger age

2. Reassure yourself that she can work on her own by giving her some task to do that isn't exactly homework but contains some learning at the same time as being fun e.g. a wordsearch that you know is well within her capabilities. And tell her that if she manages to do the whole thing by herself (and say you are convinced that she can't) you will eat your hat (or some such nonsense) and give her the most gorgeous fairy sticker (or whatever appeals to her).

3. Then gradually over time apply idea 2 to the real school homework - maybe draw a line under the first five maths questions and say if you complete these on your own without asking me for any help at all Ill be so chuffed with you, or I'll get out my stickers, or whatever you think will work.

4. Try the phrase some teachers use when a child asks them "is the answer ***" - the teacher says tell me the answer, don't ask me.

I am sure that there is a mixture of reasons why children want to do their homework with someone else ----- some children are just better at doing things on their own than others e.g. some play very happily on their own, others don't, or it could just be they see this as chance for some time with you that you might not otherwise give - you clearly value homework so getting the homework out and asking to do it with you is maybe more certain of receiving a "yes" than will you play with my Barbie?, or it could be that the homework is not that thrilling for them and they just need time over the years to learn the self-discipline to get it done, the homework could be a little too difficult, the homework could be a little too long for the age group.

Also, homework varies considerably. If it is something which is purely repeating and consolidating something the child learned and understood well at school then there is a much greater chance that the child will be able to, and happy to, complete it independently, than the piece of homework that is breaking new ground in some way.

Maybe she next time she has a pal round from school for tea you could arrange that they both sit and do their homework together before they get their pudding? You can be busy somewhere else in the room while they do their homework together? Maybe agree this with the other parent beforehand so everyone knows what to expect. I would be delighted if my child came home from a friend's house, homework completed.

But I am sure you are doing probably what the majority of the caring parents in your sister's class are doing - helping them with the homework, and being with them while they do it.

I hope I am right as if hundreds of parents now write in saying that their children have sat on their own and completed their homework with no assistance of any shape or form since the age of 5 I will go away and cry!

[scarlett]

From my own experience, I would say many children will announce they can't do a particular piece of work because they don't want to do it, rather than they can't and are probably hoping the parent ( or whoever ) will then tell them not to worry...or maybe that's my own lazy children !