How do you "discipline" your teens?

[zorro]

I'm with Ed's mum- removal of PS3 works every time!
My best friend has a 17 yr old boy, she told me 'He went into his room at 14 and didn't really come out for the next 2 years except to have a strop or eat!'
Mine is just 14 so we have to wait another 2 years to get him bac!
Tense - I hope you feel better soon.

[Belinda]

.

[Snowdrops]

My oldest, who's now 32 went into his bedroom at about 14 and stayed there. We didn't know we had him apart from the grunts when you spoke to him. At about 18 he appeared normal again. No biggy there with him then!

My youngest who is 13 (and a half ). Went from the sweetest most well behaved child ever, to a raging lunatic literally overnight after about 6 months at grammar (see, it's all the school's fault really ).

We realised most of the bad behaviour was when she was tired (staying up using her phone when she should be asleep). We made it a rule that there would be no phone/ipod in her room at night, except for a Saturday night and at holiday time.

That worked well but then other hormonal behaviour started to be noticed.

We tried everything with her. Withdrawal of consent to going to parties/no treats/stopping money/no computer anything and everything we could think of. It was getting to the stage of raised voices and nastiness, but nothing seemed to work.

Then I demanded she hand over her iPhone. As we were 'speaking' I warned her for each misdemeanour (refusing to handover/cheekiness) an extra day would be added. We got to 4 days and she handed over the phone. I kept the phone for 4 days. She's misbehaved once more since then (about a month ago) I took the phone back off her. for a day. It's quite effective

I don't use the removal of her 'phone on a whim and I give a warning that her behaviour is becoming unacceptable and that if she carries on what the consequences will be. It's then her choice if she carries on.

I have to say though, since the first time I removed it her behaviour has been stunningly good, just like having my old daughter back, with only one slip up I can't complain about her behaviour. It's great to have the relationship with my daughter that I do and I'll do all I can to maintain it.

You need to find what works for you. Look at your child , can you work out why they're behaving like this (are they tired or hormonal - possibly both ). How would they best respond to sanctions?

I do hope amongst all the advice on here, you can find bits which click for you and you can work it out.

Teenagers eh? Who'd have 'em!

[Belinda]

.

[Snowdrops]

Oh yeah, laughing is a BIG no, no - I made that mistake too

So, no matter how ridiculous the situation, DO NOT LAUGH - you will be lucky to live to regret it if you do

[sp]

I think one of the main things coming from this discussion is that we all know what will really affect our child, whether it's removal of phone/computer/TV/money etc. The hardest but most important part is sticking to your guns (not literally!). My Dad, a retired Head master, told us very early on that all threats have to be carried out, otherwise your child gets to know that they can carry on their behaviour. Make sure you are able to carry out threat! I have heard many people saying things like "if you do that again you won't come on holiday with us" etc etc. Obviously this isn't going to happen and the child soon learns that these are empty threats.
The best threat (which is usually as far as it gets as mine know it WILL happen) is removal of all screens ie TV, Computer (except for school work and I closely monitor!), iPods, phone etc. When this has happened, life is so lovely, lots of reading, chatting etc. However I'm a realist and acknowledge that in our house total removal for ever wouldn't work (we love our TV too much!!)
One family we know removed use of the computer from their teen girl and it carried on for 5 months as her behaviour didn't improve. The school congratulated them on their stance, despite it being an ordeal for all of them.

[TraffordMum]

But not sure about taking away the iPod - even at this age if they had one they would keep it well hidden to prevent confiscation - I'd have to do the reverse - I would just have to keep it myself all the time, and only hand it over for short periods as a reward for good behaviour - but that's not appropriate for a teenager.

I would play them at their own game and confiscate the charger.

What did people mean by "grounding" of a teenager?

I haven't had to do this yet, but my interpretation is curtailing their social life - not letting them go out with friends, no sleepovers, no parties etc for a defined period of time.

[Clare]

My 15 year old has recently told me several things that are going on at the school.

One girl is very worried that she is pregnant even though she used contraception.Lots of smoking,drinking,taking cannabis etc

I suddenly feel quite relieved that I only have wobblies to deal with.

[Looking for help]

Difficult times, these are and as others have said, will give you many grey hairs. Teenage boys seem to follow a pattern...retreat to bedroom at 14, come out again at 18...our oldest came out briefly to have a few tantrums at 16 around about GCSE times, but was heard to do little else but grunt for around 4 years. My oldest daughter succumbed to the tantrums at around 12/13, and kind of stopped at about 15 and a half, although we can still have a set to from time to time. My next daughter was really really great till about 16, and now we have to watch our step around her, although as quite an easy going person, she tends to come around quickly. The youngest boy at 12 has another 2 years (maybe less) then he will retreat to the bedroom.
What I have done is not great parenting, I tend to lose my patience all the time when faced with ridiculous behaviour. I've never successfully grounded anyone nor confiscated anything for any length of time, but the one thing I have done is once everyone has calmed down after the episode is have a chat about it, so everyone can see where they're coming from. This usually resolves the situation for the time being. As for laughing, gosh I've done that too...and almost lived to regret it It can be a horrible time, but for the most part, most people come through it. My oldest is socialble and happy now at 20, my daughter at 19 is helpful, and self sufficient, the 17 year old for the most part is easy going and happy, and the 12 year old, we'll I've kind of seen most of it by now.

I hope your health improves soon.

[doodles]

DS1 is an almost teenager 8 months to go but he's always been big for his age and done things early!!

No seriously, since he started at GS he has changed and it has been hard for ME. After one particularly difficult evening, my DH gave me the best advice (but don't tell him I said that ) - pick your fights and don't try and take on everything head on. There seems to be a difference between tired/hormonal strops and just general grottiness. The fomer I try to ignore and the other variety I try and judge and react accordingly. Rudeness of any kind I won't tolerate and I am afraid that that one gets dealt with head on every time. From a very very early age (and he still remembers the first time) I have always carried out threats - consequently I don't tend to make many - so both DS's know I mean business then!

Apart from this they can both wrap me around their little fingers