11 Plus Exams Forum

My DS is driving me nuts! Last year he got into a fight with a boy on his school coach due to the boy calling him names. They were both sent off the coach by the teacher in charge and came home by taxi (added on to our bill! ) Thought lesson had been learned, but last week he told me someone had thrown something at him on the coach and he threw it back. Unfortunately it hit one of the older girls who put in a complaint. DS begged me not to tell his dad and I agreed I wouldn't say anything until we knew the outcome. Today I have received a letter from the deputy Head saying he has a Saturday Detention and that a record of this will be kept in his file. My DH is going to go ballistic!
I am so disappointed - he has just got A or A* for every one of his recent Y9 exams- we were so pleased and now he has let us down. Surely he should be over this juvenile behaviour by now? I am also worried that having this in his records may jeopardise his future.
What do you guys think and how would you handle it?

Does he feel he has let himself down ? What has he said about it ? obviously he's worried about his father knowing so perhaps if he had a chat and said he's really disappointed in him it might have more of an impact ?

To be honest, there sounds like worse things he could be doing and if someone threw something at me I might be tempted to throw it back and I don't usually indulge in juvenile behaviour !

He said he knew he shouldn't have done it but by then it was too late!
I think the person who threw the item in the first place is equally to blame, so hope they got punished too!
He is boarding at school tonight as they are leaving at 04.00 tomorrow morning for a history trip to Ypres for 2 days, so can't talk to him about the detention or the letter. Think I will wait till he comes home before showing the letter to DH,then DH hasn't got as much time to get worked up over it!!

zorro wrote: I am also worried that having this in his records may jeopardise his future.
What do you guys think and how would you handle it?

No idea how I would handle it but...don't worry, 'one Saturday detention does not a jeopardised future make'.

Thanks! I do tend to over-react! (As DS is keen to tell me)

I am with Scarlett on this. Rather stupid and silly, but not a heinous crime in the global scheme of things.
What boy of this age always thinks things through before they act? Not mine for sure.
I would probably be tempted to roll my eyes, tell him not to be such an idiot next time and suck up the detention because he bought it on himself, and needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions.
There are far, far worse things going on at this age to worry about than what sounds like normal, albeit unacceptable teenage behaviour.

Try not to get too upset Zorro. He sounds like a good lad who acted like a bit of a pratt (a scenario familiar to parents of all adolescent boys I'll wager)

zorro wrote:Thanks! I do tend to over-react! (As DS is keen to tell me)

me too

I think the school are over-reacting. Obviously I know it isn't the adult way to behave, but if someone throws something at a teenage boy they should expect to have it thrown back at them. It was just unlucky for him that it hit someone else. I agree with an earlier comment and hope they are punishing the boy who threw it at him.

The school have involved you in the matter, and if it were me I would ring the school to accept his detention, agree that he shouldn't have thrown it back and enquire as to whether the other boy on the bus is also being punished in the same way. The school may not have the whole story.

Then I would tell my son to keep his head down for the next few weeks, it will soon be the end of term, and start afresh next year. Don't worry I am sure the teachers encounter a lot worse and this will not ruin his prospects for the future. Also from what I have heard over the years, year 9 is by far the worst year for boys and things tend to settle down a bit in year 10, probably something to do with hormones.

Oh thank God! He has changed beyond belief over the past couple of years. I want my boy back!

I agree! A bit of mild eye rolling & a light ticking off on your part should be enough - after all, he has the detention (if I was feeling really mean I would charge him for your petrol!).

And those are excellent exam results - don't let him feel your displeasure at this minor incident outweighs how proud you must be of him for those