Proud and pushy mums:do we qualify?

[scarlett]

Yes I agree with you too Chelmsfordmum...but it's your good parenting skills such as reinforcement of the importance of hard work and responsibility which means your children are independent and don't need you hovering over them !

[Chelmsford mum]

It's an interesting topic Scarlett. I look back on my childhood and actually wonder where the motivation to study came from.My parents practically stood in my way! They just regarded it as the norm to leave school at 16 - partly because they had left earlier than that.(and illegally in one case )
I , in my own case, put it down to having to do an array of cr*ppy jobs from 13 onwards. I hated some of those jobs - hard work for peanuts in return.I can remember thinking -"I want more than this."
I think my own children possibly have it too easy.That said my elder one has had a job since 14 and will pick up a Saturday job as she shortly turns 16 and I expect the others to do the same.
As it happens, it helps for them to fund some of their own activities/clothes etc but even if were not so - I just think it's good for them.
Don't want to sound mean - not advocating putting them up chimneys or anything.I just feel having to experience the world of work young is a great motivator.
So maybe I am pushy after all...but in a different way?

[scarlett]

I'm wondering now at some of my motives ! DD is a bit of an all singing all dancing diva and I'm wondering if I have encouraged that because my own mother wouldn't let me continue dance lessons when the venue changed to 20 miles away because it would take up family weekend time to drive me there.I was devastated.

I do think it's a good idea for children to pay towards their activities etc...it really annoys me when they expect you just to buy something...especially after a stressful day at work..I want to spend my hard earned money on myself ! ( after the mortgage, bills etc..)

[mystery]

I don't think my parents asked if I had homework either but I went to a school where it was instantly noticed if you hadn't done it and something was done about it. Chelmsford Mum's life lessons are probably better for lifetime long self-motivation.

But at what age would you expect a child to be far-sighted enough and have enough self-control to realise that more work now = better life later?

I was watching a DVD about the human body and it reminded me that the frontal lobes of the brain are not doing their job fully (basically self-control etc) until an average of about 20 years old so maybe we do sometimes expect too much of our young kiddoes in the way of sensible action based on reasoned thought about the future. And we are sending them off to uni and giving them the vote a little early ............ strange I'm saying this really because I remember thinking and feeling I had reached adulthood on my 5th birthday and vowed that I would never get out of touch with children when I was an adult the way most adults seemed to me to be.

[menagerie]

Chelmsford, I think you sound like a great mum.

Vasu, I know what you mean - there's something in common with the pageant scene mum when we get that tunnel vision gleam in our eyes. But that's where it ends. Because you have to consider the value of the final result. For our children, it's a great school, with excellent role models from peers and teachers, enabling them to have the best opportunities to decide what to do with their lives and not be limited by where they went or who they hung out with. For pageant kids it goes no further than application of make up and glitter, which isn't a life long enhancing and opportunity-laden quality.

[xyzzy]

Chelmsford, I think you sound like a great mum.
For our children, it's a great school, with excellent role models from peers and teachers, enabling them to have the best opportunities to decide what to do with their lives and not be limited by where they went or who they hung out with. For pageant kids it goes no further than application of make up and glitter, which isn't a life long enhancing and opportunity-laden quality.

I suspect you'll find that pageant mothers think they're giving their children a chance at getting into showbiz (or whatever), while a lot of people have a view of education which is entirely about their children becoming doctors. There's a **** of a lot of class snobbery in the view that pushing your children to become doctors is good parenting while pushing your children to become models (or footballers) is common. For every grammar parent who wants to give their children a chance to fulfil their ambitions, there's another who has a narrow view of what their child should do.

[Waiting_For_Godot]

Previous childhood experiences also come into it. I was a dancer so my boys were going to go to dance class! DS1 was actually pretty good and there are lots of opportunities for boy dancers but when DS2 got kicked out the class OH stepped in and insisted on cricket!

There are kids that cannot get into grammar school, so are these parents really that bad for focussing on another avenue for their child even if we think it seems a worthless pursuit? As long as the child wants to do it, it does develop commitment, dedication, competitveness and self confidence. Better they were disco divas than hanging about on the streets.

[vasu]

I am a pushy mum and I am proud of it, not controlling....but pushy....hmm I keep telling myself that.......

[starmum2000]

I sometimes wonder if I'm not pushy enough...
I remember from my childhood, my sister & I really had my mum at it - we tried, ballet, tap, majorettes, music lessons, disco dancing, even Judo but never stuck to anything
By the time I went to Uni I really wished I could play an instrument & wished I had kept up my flute lessons, but years previously I had hated the practise & mum & dad let me drop it.
My two DSs have not yet had any music lessons (basically down to cost) but hope they might pick it up at Secondary School & I hope I make them stick it out.
I didn't do half as much 11+ practise with DS as many of his peers, maybe I should have made him do more, but I wanted him to still have some down-time, and keep up with his other hobbies like Scouts and Warhammer.
I always felt if I made him make sacrifices then he still didn't pass he would resent it... oh well, too late now!
I think you can be damned if you do, & damned if you don't, its finding the happy medium.
(aware that I'm rambling now, so will finish this post )
Starmum x

[scarlett]

By the time I went to Uni I really wished I could play an instrument & wished I had kept up my flute lessons, but years previously I had hated the practise & mum & dad let me drop it.

I'm having another flashback now to when I was forced to play the piano as a child..I hated it, I had to walk in the dark to the piano teachers house and was convinced every slowing car was someone just waiting to abduct me and to cap it all my mother complained when I didn't practice but after 5 minutes of chords she would scream " that's enough..just leave it ! " Oh if only they taught street dance in the 70's !