11 Plus Exams Forum

I know this has been an issue for many on this site. In the past Amber recommended Kidscape. They have a one day training course for parents and children, ZAP. I am interested to know if anyone has used this facility and whether it worked or not. Please feel free to p.m. me if you want to keep things private.

Thanks Tolstoy.

I hope that whatever has prompted this thread is resollved quickly.

So do I Tolstoy, it's not nice for anyone to go through this.

We've had a couple of issues ourselves this past year, but we stomped on it quickly and it seems (finger's crossed) to be resolved).

Thanks for the support guys. Unfortunately Snowdrops there is a long and complicated history behind all this and I think it needs professional handling.

Cyber hugs and best wishes.

Good luck Tolstoy, hope you get resolution soon. x

A topic close to my heart. My advice is to persue it as far as you can, do everything and take every step possible. Stay calm, but show everyone that you will not tolerate your child being bullied.
Good luck.

Hi Everyone, my DS has just started at secondary (boys grammar) and is being bullied and it is heartbreaking for all of us. I have phoned the school and they were very helpful and we have a plan of action in place. He is saying that he wishes he had gone to the local comp with his friends (they weren't successful at the 11+), but he has the potential to do well and we thought he would be fine at the grammar. He was crying last night and said he hopes he was ill today, so that he wouldn't have to go to school. I just want to cry myself and feel so drained. We were so pleased when he was offered this school and he was so proud to be going there, but it's rapidly going downhill and I don't know what to do for the best. Should I have sent him to the local school with his friends? I am hoping this can be resolved quickly and that my DS can enjoy his time at school. It's hard enough for him to cope with the amount of homework he's getting now compared to primary (I know this is the same for everyone), but to have to deal with these bullies as well is awful. Does anyone have any great ideas of how to deal with bullies? He came home the other day and said he'd had a good day because 'no one called me names today'. This can not be how we measure a good day surely! He hasn't taken his water bottle today, so that they can't take it off him and throw it around the playground! Like he said, he thought the boys at grammar school would be polite and well mannered, but this is so not the case with some of them. I can't think of anything but this at present and am so upset for my DS, so any helpful advice would be most appreciated.

I feel like crying too reading your post.How horrible for all of you. Do you know what has triggered this bullying ? Is there a particular thing they are picking on your son for ? Are they doing it to other boys ? What action is the school taking ? Has DS got any friends at the school , does he know any older boys who might help ? Give us a bit more information so we can come up with a plan.Would your son be able to push them away, say something mean back ...or is he quite shy ? My son was bullied a bit at primary , but I gave him a few witty verbal onslaughts and he and his siblings attacked the boy in the end , which I'm afraid I told him too.I don't know if that would work at secondary. Ds does tell me quite a lot that the older boys are mean to the year 7 and I'm wondering as he mentions it now on a daily basis if he is trying to tell me something.He fights back verbally ( he is quite feisty ) and tries to laugh it off. Let us know the ins and outs . I'm sending you a big hug...can you feel it.

PuzzledMum - stick with it! It's early days and probably a lot of those budding alpha males who are used to being top dog in their cosy, nurturing primary schools are flexing their muscles a bit to establish themselves in their new environment. It'll probably settle down a bit shortly. Name-calling / ribbing / winding people up does seem to be something that certain groups of boys/men enjoy. I've come across blokes who even in adulthood refer to themselves as Stinky or Malfunction, as that's what they were called at school (and actually secretly like it now.)

It's not always meant in a bad way. Let's face it in an all-boys school, there's unlikely to be a lot of sitting down and talking about people's feelings, is there?

It's good that you've told the school, so they can keep an eye on it. Have you told your son to try not to rise to the bait? Obviously if people see he's upset, it'll only encourage the perpetrators. I would encourage him to join some extra-curricular clubs at school too. That will hopefully widen his circle of friends. In many boys' schools joining in at sports is particularly highly valued, so if he can join the rugby club or whatever that might help. He doesn't necessarily need to be good at it - just participating will help.

My son went through similar experiences when he started at GS. He would regularly tell me of a group of boys who would throw his belongings around, put him head-first in the bin etc. Now at the start of Y8 those same boys are some of his closest friends. They've all calmed down. There's still some ribbing, but done in a generally good-natured way. I hope things work out for you too.