15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

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Amber
Posts: 8058
Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:59 am

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by Amber »

Actually I have more trouble with the adults in my life than the children...a man whose 'phone is either not receiving texts and then gets them all in a big glut at the end of the day (by which time I have received several stroppy texts consisting of question marks or sad faces), or whose ringer is on silent ("I didn't hear it ring" - strange, that); and a mother who point blank refuses to use the Easy-Use Specially Big Buttons for People who can't use Other Sorts TM mobile we bought her and then has a 'funny turn' in a shop and has to be taken home. The staff no doubt thought 'poor old thing, no-one cares about her enough to teach her to use a mobile'.
Rob Clark
Posts: 1298
Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2008 1:59 pm

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by Rob Clark »

my son was bawling because he loved his current school so much and did not want to leave. Nothing to do with missing his poor mother
:lol:
Hearing about all these school trips where mobiles are banned has made me realise why my two always seem to have people queuing up to sit near them… :lol:
SSM
Posts: 646
Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:09 pm

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by SSM »

I'm not a man, but I'll voice my support for you Mike (I think though, that I would have said it a bit more tactfully). I wouldn't expect a text from them, however if I'd asked them to text, and they didn't disagree, then I would expect one and be upset if they didn't.

Saying that, when my Y9 DS was skiing with the school I received a text from him asking what he can take for his cold. I replied but then didn't hear anymore, so presumed he was over it as I'm sure if it was any more serious then someone would have been in touch.
SEP18
Posts: 238
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2010 2:18 pm

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by SEP18 »

I am glad that mobile phones are not allowed on primary school trips. My DS school sent a general text to all parents, at the end of each day, letting us know what they had been up to.

As a Cub Leader, we also ban them on Cub Camps. One weekend, a cub or his mother!, had sneaked one into his bag, without our knowledge. On the first morning, the Cubs parents arrived on site, frantically worried that another child had stolen her son's belongings ( this is what he had told her on the mobile!). After looking through his bag, all of his items had been thanks bag all along. The problem was that his mother had packed his bag and he had no idea where his things were! :roll: I can fully understand and empathise with no mobiles!

Regarding Secondary School, my eldest DS went to Germany recently. He sent me a text when he had arrived safely. The next time I heard from him was at 7.30am one morning, he had a headache and couldn't find the Nurofen! I was relieved that if he had a problem, he would contact me. :D

The next time I heard from him was on the way home! I knew he was safe otherwise I would have heard from the staff or school.
franticmum
Posts: 139
Joined: Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:16 pm

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by franticmum »

Its all about keeping a balance at the end of the day and not passing our paranoia onto our children. I'm ecstatic at the moment because hubby has finally told Y7 daughter than she doesn't have to text him when she's arrived at school from now on. I'd have stopped this after week 1, after all, there's a mass of them that walk from the station and he's seen her onto the train.

It was me that instigated her starting to walk part-way home from school on her own in Y5 and then a load more classmates followed suit which was great. Beginning of Y6, she was walking to and from on her own, a fifteen minute walk but there were plenty of other people around. The beam of a smile we got when she first did it on her own was such a feeling.

I personally, wouldn't be expecting her to text on arrival when she goes skiing with the school next year because as far as I'm concerned she's going with a group, with teachers, on an organised trip. Its not as if she's getting on a plane and having to make her own way. However, hubby may have a different view!!! Maybe things are very different in the mid-teenage years though, which I fully accept.

I strongly believe that its us parents that are holding our children back, stopping them from being independent, confident and learning about risks. The children are up for doing things on their own, its us worrying which stops them. Its unfortunate that we will never get back to the things we did and have the freedom we did as children but we have to at least try to go in that direction.

Mobiles are no different though. When do we stop asking them to text us? I thought the other day, are mobiles actually a help or a hindrance? Ie if we didn't have mobiles, would we stop them doing things because we couldn't contact them? I actually think these days that we probably would. Is our demand to be informed for some unnecessary things actually restricting them? Is it that we just find it out of our comfort zone so we carry on with it?

Before you all lynch me, I do really worry that we wrap them in cotton wool and are actually harming them by stunting their independence and confidence (which go hand in hand) and its this which drives me. I also have another strong reason for ditching the messaging when I don't think its necessary and that's because daughter was diagnosed with anxiety OCD 3 years ago so we have to be very careful not to do things that can become rituals/anxieties.

I also know that I'm in the minority and seem to always be the first to get her to do these things, but people generally do follow suit, its just the breaking away from the norm which people find hard. If we could all be braver, our children would be so much more independent and confident!
Reading Mum
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Location: Reading

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by Reading Mum »

Fab post. I have been worrying recently about DD. I see all these posts about long journeys for yr7s but my DD in yr5 is so far away from this. School do not actually allow them to leave on their own till yr6 but at the moment she would not be confident enough to do this anyway. Its about 1 1/4 miles so 30 minute walk. She doesn't have a phone as she is never out without us or another adult. I am conscious that we need to work up to a bit more independence but it seems to be light years away.
I went to school via longish walk and then tube, my Mum took 3 buses across London to the Hen Barn but DD is such a long way off that - even walking a mile seems daunting to her (and us)
Fran17
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Joined: Sun Mar 07, 2010 10:16 pm

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by Fran17 »

You are the best judge of what is right for your daughter Reading Mum and you are in the best position to decide when she is ready to do things on her own. When my 17 year old passed his driving test in November I asked him to text me the first time he drove to school. It is a 12 mile journey along country lanes and then on to a very busy A road. I didn't ask him to do that again, but he did in fact text me one morning when it was very foggy, to say he was at school. He knew it would put my mind at rest which I felt was very thoughtful of him.

I think we all start letting go of our children from a very early age, but it is important we do it at our own pace and based on our own judgement not other people's. When I go on a long journey or go away I always phone home to let my family know I have arrived safely. I expect my sons to do the same. My eldest DS is hoping to go to university in October and I won't know where he will be or what he will be doing, but I know I will adjust to that very quickly and won't expect him to keep texting me.

One thing I am certain of is that he will come home at Christmas with lots of dirty washing. :lol:
Looking for help
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Location: Berkshire

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by Looking for help »

Fran17 wrote: One thing I am certain of is that he will come home at Christmas with lots of dirty washing. :lol:
You will be worried if he doesn't. :lol:

I fall into the text me when you're there category, but as the parent of a 21 year old, a 20 year old and an 18 year old, they're all pretty independent, and happy enough to let me know they are safe. I imagine franticmum would think I had wrapped them in cotton wool, but actually I haven't. I have let them do pretty much within reason what they have wanted to do , like travel to London for concerts, go to the Reading Festival, go camping in Newquay (obviously when they've been 16) - with the only proviso that they keep in touch with me so I know they are safe. It hasn't been a problem, and of course when you're child is 11 they have hardly any independence anyway so it's a moot point. The problems all start when they want to go to parties and concerts and start driving, and go skiing holidays when you're not with them, and the worries are exponentially worse.

A text to help put mum's mind at ease doesn't infringe on their civil liberties nor does it mean you have wrapped them in cotton wool. :D
pheasantchick
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Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:28 pm

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by pheasantchick »

Fran 17. - they grow up a lot in year 6 and you will know when they are ready to become more independent. I know children in year 7 who would still prefer to have a lift home, as they are not confident to travel by public transport. However, after having never really used public transport much as a family, my ds can confidently catch trains or buses, and make decisions as to which is best if we have to pick him up somewhere else. (he has grown up so much in a year).

Regarding the op, I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't get a text and would assume that he is so busy that he has plainly forgotten. I'm in the 'no news is good news' camp. A general ' we have arrived safely' message on the school website would be good though.

Sorry - reply for Reading mum, not Fran 17.
Last edited by pheasantchick on Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
zorro
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Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:27 am
Location: Barnet, Herts

Re: 15 yr old boy - lack of communication!

Post by zorro »

Well, he's back - all limbs intact!
We remembered to go to Heathrow to collect him! :lol:
When questioned , he said he was saving me money as it was too expensive to call!
Apparently one of the girls on the trip spent £200 on downloading data from the internet! :roll: :shock:
Next trip I won't be expecting a text or call on arrival but I am going to suggest to school that they either put 'we arrived safely' on school website or send a group text.
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