11 Plus Exams Forum

Just returned from parents evening and the only negative comment I get is 'she is really quiet'. It really annoys me. I am quiet by nature and I guess my DD follows in my foot steps. My parents evenings were the same 'she is really quiet'. Is it such a crime when academically she is doing brilliantly?

My DSs 1 and 2 were both at the same secondary school. When we went to parents' evening for DS1 we were always told he was very quiet. When we went for DS2 we were told by one teacher that he was the quietest boy he had ever taught (despite the fact he had also taught DS1)!!!!

NO. Had that comment with DC1 and DC3, and the complete opposite with DC2.

I don't know, but I'm sure an experienced teacher will be along soon, if you are faced with a room full of thirty kids you tend to form/have to form an opinion and express it at parents evening.

If it's any help, DS1 in year 12, this evening announced how the maths teacher wrote a long filler question on the board after teaching a new concept, MY DS1 put his hand up and gave a solution, a correct answer.

They do mature at different rates, mine slower than most.

Definitely not a problem - think it is just something they say and was definitely said about our two ... we just rresponded with ... "well empty vessels..."

Of course that shouldn't be a criticism! Well my motto has always been keep quiet unless you have something worth saying. Have the opposite problem ATM with ds - constantly being told off for talking which I am mortified about! He must get that from dh.....

Hermanmunster, thanks for that comment, it made me laugh after feeling deflated all evening. I am definitely going to use that saying at the next parents's evening!

This has been the same comment I've had at every parents evening for my daughter, she's now in year 10 Over the past couple of days we've had major stress as she's got to recite a story she's written in front of the class Her teacher has told the class that those that are anxious can film it instead, good idea but it took us nearly 4 hours over 2 nights to film a 4 minute speech !!
Personally I dont think it makes any difference if you child is quiet so long as theyre getting along well at school

We experienced this on every written report for almost every subject right through an independent senior school. There were usually one or two teachers who commented that she contributed well in class. We felt like writing to the head and suggesting that she got her staff to talk to one another and see what the trick was. We couldn't be bothered.

The teacher that made this comment the most was an English teacher who when I once spoke to her at an open day I found most unpleasant. I too would probably have chosen never to bother answering any of her questions as they probably didn't make sense or weren't worth answering.

I might be inclined at parents evening to ask what they are going to do to encourage participation. Some children just do not volunteer themselves but if required to give a speech or answer a question will do so quite competently. After a while it becomes a habit not to put your hand up and senior school children are very self-conscious about changing their image.

Personally I expect teachers to be a bit cannier about this; at a parents' evening you never know why you are being told these things, what action the teacher expects you to take. For the child who doesn't like to put their hand up being nagged at home about it isn't going to help.

From a teacher's point of view.

I have said this, usually about able pupils and I always explain why. I want to stretch bright pupils and extend their undertanding. Some able pupils are excellent at asking the extension questions themselves and always demonstrate an active, enquiring mind. Like the Y3 who once asked me, when we were watching a car slow down as it travelled acoss the floor and talking about forces, what force acted against gravity. Others are quite happy to keep their head down, listen carefully and do their work. As a teacher I give them extra things to think about and ask them searching questions, but what do they want to know? What gets them excited? It's impossible to tell.

I wouldn't normally say it about the pupils who don't put their hand up much, but answer questions happily when asked.

Don't be disappointed, but think about encouraging an equiring and questioning mind. Like a toddler who is always asking why. Unfortunately most children grow out of which is a shame.

I'm going to give the opposite to most responses
When little mine were told to keep quiet, head down and work.

It seemed okay through primary but when they got to secondary it was seen as not good.

There is a difference between a disruptive chatterbox and a confident child 'participating' in class dicussions unafraid to offer (confidently) viewpoints on complex, emotive and challenging topics.

It seems (now I'm out the other side) that this is a skill that needs to be learned and practiced and it aids our children to become confident speakers later in life.

Probably in the most part, they all come out of their shell eventually, but from experience, the encouragement and focus concerning this particular skill has served mine well.

It's not about being brash, too vocal, opinionated or inflexible in debate. It's about learning how to discuss topics maturely and appropriately - and confidently - and is expected of young adults wishing to enter universities and certain professions.

So, being the quiet mouse is okay to an extent, but watch out they don't end up fearful and nervous 18 year olds scared to open their mouths through 'lack of practice and encouragement' in their teen years.