Thanks for the comments, and I totally agree Guest55, what a tragic outcome for your poor friend, I am so sorry. And I think therein lies the real problem, I honestly feel that most people don't appreciate the seriousness, and for those that do, would you really want that responsibility?
I know it seems easy just to provide her own food, but her last reaction was from taking a nibble from a tiny chocolate one of the many kids had been handed out at a party. It was near the end just as we were leaving, a child handed it to her and I didn't see it, in fact I didn't realise what had happened until she started choking in the car, all very dramatic and scary, and I dread to think what would have happened had I not been there. I guess that's why I am nervous. The child lives over half an hour away too, so not quite next door! The mums I am close to totally understand, and are very good with making sure none of their kids give her anything at all without my consent, but the mum that has invited her this week, I don't know so well, and English is her 2nd language, while the Grandma speaks no English at all, which is making me feel even more nervous about making sure the seriousness of it is understood.
When she was diagnosed after her 1st reaction, I was shocked at the flippancy of so may comments..' oh gosh not another allergy..everybody and their dog has an allergy these days' was one of the first. It is very upsetting for people whose children have serious allergies to have to listen to stuff like that, especially when she has had so many other issues besides that, and I know it can come across to those who have no idea, as being very over-protective. DH doesn't want her to go alone either..have decided I am going to be honest and relay my concerns. Happy to host the children here, etc.. But for now, I think I will stick with my instinct!