What do your DC call their friends parents?

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mad?
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by mad? »

KB wrote:It does seem to be a thing in certain US circles. It's as if they are replicating a particular perception of upper class England.
This ^ is it I am sure.

And fear not all for the family tension. I mentioned in passing that DD2 had a friend whose mother (having married a Lord) liked to be called Lady Kate, but explained that it was only because she is a parvenu and somewhat vulgar. (Much like my American family! :roll: )
mad?
Lizzie
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by Lizzie »

I can see you've already come to this conclusion but as a Brit living in the US for the last 20 years I can confirm that this is an American thing.

It's honestly not at all stuffy or WASPish at all just polite and children still have lovely chatty conversations with their friends parents despite not calling them by their first names. It's either Mr or Mrs X or Auntie/Uncle if they are close family friends or younger children will sometimes use Miss "first name".

I'm on the East coast where the above is the norm and an adult would be very taken aback at a child addressing them by their first name. In the South and the middle states Sir and Ma'am are very common.

Glad I saw this thread because it will def take a bit of getting used to for my family if we move back. You Brits with your disrespectful children - joke!!!
Surferfish
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by Surferfish »

Thanks for explaining regarding US kids Lizzie.

What's the deal though in the US for adults addressing their partners parents as in the OP's situation? Is it generally expected that someone aged 30+ address their partner's parents as Mr/Mrs? Does this change after getting married?
mad?
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by mad? »

Lizzie wrote:I can see you've already come to this conclusion but as a Brit living in the US for the last 20 years I can confirm that this is an American thing.

It's honestly not at all stuffy or WASPish at all just polite and children still have lovely chatty conversations with their friends parents despite not calling them by their first names. It's either Mr or Mrs X or Auntie/Uncle if they are close family friends or younger children will sometimes use Miss "first name".

I'm on the East coast where the above is the norm and an adult would be very taken aback at a child addressing them by their first name. In the South and the middle states Sir and Ma'am are very common.

Glad I saw this thread because it will def take a bit of getting used to for my family if we move back. You Brits with your disrespectful children - joke!!!
Thanks Lizzie, glad to hear it is not just my (admittedly weird) family :)
mad?
Lizzie
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by Lizzie »

Surferfish wrote:Thanks for explaining regarding US kids Lizzie.

What's the deal though in the US for adults addressing their partners parents as in the OP's situation? Is it generally expected that someone aged 30+ address their partner's parents as Mr/Mrs? Does this change after getting married?
I can't think of anyone I know personally who addresses their MIL/FIL as Mrs or Mr.

It is fairly common where I am for people to refer to MIL/FIL as Mom or Dad instead of by first name, or if they have children of their own, use the same as their kids do such as GaGa/Mimi/Grandma or Poppi/Pops/Grandpa.

The US is so big though that customs can be very different from state to state and certainly from coast to coast and north to south.
Bumblebeez
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by Bumblebeez »

A few years back (but this century!) I visited a British friend who had recently moved to Australia. Waiting to pick up her children at the school gates of an expensive girls' school I was introduced to the warm and friendly waiting mums as Mrs X, and no introduction was on first name terms: it seemed very odd when we were all in shorts and sandals and the sulphur crested cockatoos were wheeling about.
mystery
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by mystery »

mad? wrote:
mystery wrote:Ah thanks I get it now. Mad's niece (Mad's brother's daughter) was getting married in the US. The groom asked Mad's brother's wife (his new mother in law) if he could call her on first name terms. She ignored him. So, either he had previously been calling her Mrs X or they had never met .... Either way, the question being ignored by the mother in law is rude unless she was deaf. And the things that Mad's brother and sister (both brought up in England I would assume?) have said Mad about Mad's own children and Mad's views etc are rather rude too unless they are just trying to be funny/outrageous. Families eh. Sounds like the groom has joined a tricky family over there!

Mad, you're normal. And, although some people might prefer to be called Mr or Mrs rather than their first name, or their first name rather than Mr or Mrs, I think most pleasant people don't really care too much either way - the content and tone of the conversation matters far more.
Haha I have only just got back to this and yes mystery, you got there in the end! My brother has lived in the US since 1975, and is 17 years older than me. He is to all intents and purposes American. My sister lives in the the rural north and is 15 years older than me. She is to all intents and purposes mad (without the ?). Their comments were 'family' banter, but also basically what they believe (many a true word etc). I didn't feel bad, but I did suddenly wonder if it was just me!

Since posting I have had further discussions with DD2 who watches a huge variety of American teen TV. It is indeed a US thing, and she pointed out that in all the US TV programmes they watch the kids use Mr and Mrs.

And finally, the 32 year old groom has been living with the bride's parents for the past 2 months!
OK - but I am still burning to know why she didn''t answer his question about whether he could be on first name terms with her or not now? Is this a US tradition too?
mad?
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by mad? »

mystery wrote:
mad? wrote:
mystery wrote:Ah thanks I get it now. Mad's niece (Mad's brother's daughter) was getting married in the US. The groom asked Mad's brother's wife (his new mother in law) if he could call her on first name terms. She ignored him. So, either he had previously been calling her Mrs X or they had never met .... Either way, the question being ignored by the mother in law is rude unless she was deaf. And the things that Mad's brother and sister (both brought up in England I would assume?) have said Mad about Mad's own children and Mad's views etc are rather rude too unless they are just trying to be funny/outrageous. Families eh. Sounds like the groom has joined a tricky family over there!

Mad, you're normal. And, although some people might prefer to be called Mr or Mrs rather than their first name, or their first name rather than Mr or Mrs, I think most pleasant people don't really care too much either way - the content and tone of the conversation matters far more.
Haha I have only just got back to this and yes mystery, you got there in the end! My brother has lived in the US since 1975, and is 17 years older than me. He is to all intents and purposes American. My sister lives in the the rural north and is 15 years older than me. She is to all intents and purposes mad (without the ?). Their comments were 'family' banter, but also basically what they believe (many a true word etc). I didn't feel bad, but I did suddenly wonder if it was just me!

Since posting I have had further discussions with DD2 who watches a huge variety of American teen TV. It is indeed a US thing, and she pointed out that in all the US TV programmes they watch the kids use Mr and Mrs.

And finally, the 32 year old groom has been living with the bride's parents for the past 2 months!
OK - but I am still burning to know why she didn''t answer his question about whether he could be on first name terms with her or not now? Is this a US tradition too?
Me too. I asked my sister whether she thought my s-i-l had not heard as the conversation involved multiple participants, but 'even she' thought no, it was picked up and she moved on regardless. I was gobsmacked. Even if the answer was no, (why?) she should have addressed it, even privately. Niece and new husband are moving to London in August, I shall investigate further. But my sister even agreed with me that at best the way she handled it was SO rude.
mad?
scary mum
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by scary mum »

We'll all be waiting eagerly for the update, mad? :lol: :roll:
scary mum
mystery
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Re: What do your DC call their friends parents?

Post by mystery »

Yes, we will. I am sure the newly-weds will find it refreshing moving to London. And you can introduce them to the shocking ways of the liberal elite in cosmopolitan London. :wink:
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