Internet addiction

[Bumblebeez]

Practical advice please: I've been distracted and away for a lot of the last year with losing three of our children's grandparents. My 13 year old has been left to her own devices - no pun intended but it is a very good one - far more than I'd wish. Now life is settling back to a new normal I find I'm losing the battle to manage internet access, and I'm noticing awful consequences for relationships, physical activity, school work, music practice, time for reading, helping, creativity etc etc. She has a laptop for school work, an old iPad and an old iPhone. I can cut off her home Wifi with our Asus router, but she still has data on the phone. I have had some success in imposing a school night curfew with devices charging outside her bedroom from 9.30. That leaves her nose down more or less the rest of the time.
Ideally I'd like a data free contract for her phone, and I amprepared to pay off the contract to achieve this, but I can't find one. Do they exist?
Alternatively, is there any software to limit data usage to an hour or two a day? It would need to work with Apple devices.

Any advice? Thanks in advance.

[Amber]

I don't know about data free contracts but there are certainly apps which will block access to certain websites at specified times. I know this because I am thinking of doing it myself for this site (!) when I am working from home - it is a common problem for PhD students who essentially work alone and it is easy to waste hours at a time. I am not sure what they are called but they are free and you can't get past them - several friends have successfully used them to stay off social media sites.

[kenyancowgirl]

Alternatively you could move to a cheaper pay as you go plan, rather than contract, with the smallest amount of data you can find? Then she will have to learn to manage it, especially if you only top up every month - combining with turning off wifi at home except for homework, and the bedtime devices downstairs curfew, should help?

[stroudydad]

If it's an iPhone you should be able to add restrictions to the devices, which are pincode activated. Turning off certain apps, including safari is possible. That way if she legitimately needs it at any point you can turn off the restrictions just by entering a pin. If I can be of help just PM me:-)

[Bumblebeez]

Thanks all. I draw an analogy with alcohol - if she had a problem I would't leave her with access to it. Amber - my own PhD was completed battling the terrible attractions of Windows Expert level Minesweeper, let alone the delights of all the internet can offer now. Those discipline apps are great for my older children, but they need either a commitment and maturity to use them, or a hovering, policing parent. We have neither in the case of the youngest. I think KCG's suggestion of a very data limited contract is what we need but thanks also SD: I will message you for advice. I hope it won't require me getting my hands on her device not only to set up, but also switch on/switch off. I don't think we can cope with that level of micro management.

[doodles]

My ds are on a PAYG tarriff which has limited data usage. The cheapest tarriff has plenty of texts and call minutes but limited data and when it's gone it's gone! I will only top them up once a month. The first month or so they went through their data very quickly but now it seems to last them, and if it doesn't they don't say anything!

[DC17C]

I might add a different perspective as I have had to work with this with my kids and stressed about how they use these items over the past few years... My daughter has enjoys her gadgets and gaming...has completed her computer science gcse along with the rest of her gcses....and has progressed onto the Alevel and is really wanting to work in cyber security or computing.

My son has been unwell and made great use of his gadgets to keep in touch with friends, school and gaming...gradually he has grown out of many of the games I found difficult to watch him play and he has moved onto engineering design simulations, you tube videos on science and intends to progress onto a career in engineering. I started sitting in on what he was doing and talking about the games.....he needed me to tune into where he was and accept his enjoyment of his gaming..we have always turned off wifi at night and talked about the benefits and dangers around tech...but I would try to steer gently away and not get into too many battles...

[Amber]

Maybe don't worry? None of mine has ever gone in for games and we have never had an X-box or playstation (no interest), and my DD is rarely on her phone either, but my sons are, and have often been welded to theirs for hours at a time with a never-ending stream of notifications popping up constantly. Their academic results have categorically not suffered and they are sociable, kind, outgoing, love the outdoors, are happy to spend time with me/their grandmothers/the neighbours etc. Maybe it is a battle not worth fighting?

[kenyancowgirl]

Isn't the issue here that the OP says she HAS noticed awful consequences with regards to her social life and schoolwork?

If there was no issue with these, I doubt the OP would be worried, but reading what she wrote, I think it is absolutely good parenting that she is trying to sort it! I mean, I'm all for picking battles too but in this case, the OP says that there is an issue.

[Amber]

Isn't the issue here that the OP says she HAS noticed awful consequences with regards to her social life and schoolwork?

If there was no issue with these, I doubt the OP would be worried, but reading what she wrote, I think it is absolutely good parenting that she is trying to sort it! I mean, I'm all for picking battles too but in this case, the OP says that there is an issue.

Fair enough.