Got up this morning to a shortage of milk - no biggy as the shop is at the bottom of our drive - so I level the house but...

As I go, just before I shut the door, I cheerily tell the dog "won't be long - just popping to the shop" and then I clarify - "...to get milk"...

...in case she fancies cereal, presumably.....

Just me?

I talk to the cats all the time. Sometimes I think it’s the only sensible conversation I have.

Do you slam the door? I sometimes feel DS2 will level the house too.

And yes, I talk to all the animals. At least they listen to me.

Mine listen to me, they just don’t do what I tell them, unless there’s food involved and then they do.

I swear the IQ of my cats goes up 10 fold if there is a cat treat in my hand.

Leave the house....

Although, you have a point - many years ago my neighbour was laughing as DS1 went into her house and was having trouble shutting their front door - she heard him mutter to himself "I can't shut this bl**dy door"...yes, not proud that he learned from us as our front door has always been a little tricky to shut so slamming is the only way!!

Our cats are far better conversationalists than the men in my life. They don't answer back, are perfect companions and don't eat the contents of the fridge in one sitting

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Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad !

Ours would try and eat the contents of the fridge, except the kitchen is kept closed and they can’t quite manage to open the fridge either.

They can open a packet of blueberry muffins though, hence why they are kept out of he kitchen completely these days. One of them really really likes blueberry muffins. The other will try and eat most things and often brings home bread crusts, pieces of pastry, baked potato skins, bits of bone.

They also quite often answer back.

Lucky you. I once came back to find that one of the cats had managed to get the fridge door open and was making inroads on the nice piece of cold chicken that had been meant for my supper .

It was possibly the same cat that a few years later dragged a rather nice (and dead, fortunately) trout in through the cat flap.Not exactly what one expects to come fown to, first thing on a Sunday morning.

I was so worried that said cat had snaffled someone's intended lunch, that I actially went round the neighbouring streets knocking on doors and asking whether any household might be minus a trout (and offering to pay for it). No-one had. Nor was the little SE London 'riverlet' 400m away particularly renowned for its trout. The mystery was never solved...

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Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.Groucho Marx

One of ours finds frogs fun to catch, but is never quite sure what to do with them. As a result, we occasionally are sat down in the evening and a frog randomly appears from under a chair, where it has been hiding after being carried in.

However they are both severely adverse to getting wet, so any fish in neighbouring ponds are safe. They won’t even step in puddles if they can avoid it.

I was at my sister's at the weekend - her two cats hater her dog. He was asleep upsatirs because they left a dead mouse in his bed. The cat equivalent of the Mafia....