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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 1:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:01 am
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I'm looking for some advice here re my DS. He is in year 6 due to start GS in Sept and I have an issue re him and another child at his current school.

DS and other boy have grown up together (holidays together, clubs together and parents all good friends). As they have grown the differences in their personalities have gotten further and further apart and they are not 'natural' friends. That's fine - they are off to different senior schools and they will only see each other at a club or 2 each week (other than family events). I do think they wind each other up a bit now but that does not mean he can be a bully!

My friend told me today that my DS upset her son by telling another friend to not accept him on a Fortnite game (which he heard). This is not acceptable and I will be having a serious conversation with my DS about it. As punishment I am banning him on the Xbox (for a period still to be determined), will get him to watch some you tube videos on the effect of bullying/isolation of others and write an apology to the boy in question. I will not tolerate that behaviour and am appalled at my DS for his attitude and actions.

Do you think my actions are appropriate and does anyone have any advice for me? I want to nip this in the bud now before he gets to senior school and is influenced by others.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 1:06 pm 
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 1:05 pm
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Location: Reading
mum-of-two wrote:
I'm looking for some advice here re my DS. He is in year 6 due to start GS in Sept and I have an issue re him and another child at his current school.

DS and other boy have grown up together (holidays together, clubs together and parents all good friends). As they have grown the differences in their personalities have gotten further and further apart and they are not 'natural' friends. That's fine - they are off to different senior schools and they will only see each other at a club or 2 each week (other than family events). I do think they wind each other up a bit now but that does not mean he can be a bully!

My friend told me today that my DS upset her son by telling another friend to not accept him on a Fortnite game (which he heard). This is not acceptable and I will be having a serious conversation with my DS about it. As punishment I am banning him on the Xbox (for a period still to be determined), will get him to watch some you tube videos on the effect of bullying/isolation of others and write an apology to the boy in question. I will not tolerate that behaviour and am appalled at my DS for his attitude and actions.

Do you think my actions are appropriate and does anyone have any advice for me? I want to nip this in the bud now before he gets to senior school and is influenced by others.


I think your actions are absolutely spot on. As a parent we need to make sure our children know bullying is not acceptable. Unfortunately some parents don’t believe their little darlings are in anyway capable of such behaviour, and they get away with it.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 1:44 pm 
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Thanks Tinkers - he's blissfully unaware of the consequences of his actions at the moment. He'll get a shock when he sees his controllers have vanished!

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 1:52 pm 
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Well done.

It is great to see a parent taking such firm action on this.

He is lucky to have you as a parent. DG


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 1:54 pm 
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I think you have done the right thing. Also I think it is a 12 rated game? Maybe a discussion about if he isn't mature enough you can't let him play 12+ games?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 2:45 pm 
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Well done mum-of-two. Social isolation is, in my mind, one of the worst sorts of bullying as it is one that other parents (whose children are included) can happily pretend isn't happening, unlike physical bullying.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 3:45 pm 
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Definitely the right thing.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 5:05 pm 
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Thanks all. Bullying is at the top of my unacceptable behaviour and will not be tolerated at all. As such I wasn't sure if my punishment was proportionate to the 'crime' as the red mist has descended. I have lost dear friends to mental health illnesses and whilst they were not related to bullying issues, I am all too aware of the consequences of bullying and mental health. I have always tried to instil in him (and his sister) the importance of inclusion and being kind to others so he knows better.

I have allowed him to play on Fortnite as he plays with other kids in his class that he doesnt play with in school (he isnt into football/rugby that so many boys in his class are). I monitor his usage and who he has as friends and thought things were good. Obviously not and he'll face the consequences.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 07, 2019 12:24 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2013 5:27 am
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I completely agree that this kind of passive aggression needs to be addressed as a priority. Sometimes children at this age think that it is less visible to do these kind of things, rather than physical aggression and we as parents need to take responsibility to teach them that it is not.

My DC has had this at the primary school and it was hard to deal with, as schools often turn a blind eye to these things, plus, we don't always find out about such.

On the other hand, I would like to add that, you have mentioned that they wind each other up. Not sure if your DS has been at the receiving end of the same or similar that you are unaware of. Although this doesn't make what your DS did justifiable, you may need to see this in that context too, as your DS will be appraising it in that perspective.
It is important that you have an honest and objective conversation with your DS about it, in order to help him see that your sanctions are in proportion. ( he may still not agree with it but he will accept it, albeit internally, with more ease).


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 08, 2019 1:03 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 10, 2017 4:06 pm
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I agree with and applaud your stance and other posters comments which say this sort of bullying shouldn't be tolerated.

I would question the thread title though 'Fortnite turning my DS into a bully'. Not sure if you meant it that way but I don't think that the Xbox game itself is responsible for your son's behaviour is it? The game would seem to be a symptom of bullying rather than the cause.


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