Grrrh... Fortnite turning my DS into a bully

[ConfusedFather]

My friend told me today that my DS upset her son by telling another friend to not accept him on a Fortnite game (which he heard). This is not acceptable and I will be having a serious conversation with my DS about it. As punishment I am banning him on the Xbox (for a period still to be determined), will get him to watch some you tube videos on the effect of bullying/isolation of others and write an apology to the boy in question. I will not tolerate that behaviour and am appalled at my DS for his attitude and actions.

Chiming in way after the event, but in the end did you ask him why he did it?
Not wanting someone in a game is not the same as bullying. Some games are competitive and in the interest of the team it is best to have a homogeneous level. Same thing happen when kids do not get picked up for a football or basketball game. It is not acceptable when it is a game "for fun", but when it is a serious game I could understand the argument of not wanting committed team members.

[kenyancowgirl]

Telling someone else not to let someone in a game is ABSOLUTELY bullying. Have a look at the concept of social isolation - too many parents turn a blind eye to the fact that their children ARE bullies via the social isolation method and the sooner they accepted it and dealt with it, as the OP is, the better.

It is one of the worst kinds of bullying - and is one of the types that is likely to be continued in adulthood by the bullies....

[ConfusedFather]

Telling someone else not to let someone in a game is ABSOLUTELY bullying. Have a look at the concept of social isolation - too many parents turn a blind eye to the fact that their children ARE bullies via the social isolation method and the sooner they accepted it and dealt with it, as the OP is, the better.

It is one of the worst kinds of bullying - and is one of the types that is likely to be continued in adulthood by the bullies....

No need for capital letters in a discussion.

You seem to have ignored the potential context I was raising. If refusing is not done with the intent to belittle or hurt, but for the sake of making sure the team, the collective does not lose, surely it is at least worth hearing the arguments?

Would you take an out of shape or untrained player in your football/netball/synchronised swimming/rowing/etc team to a competition if you knew that the team will lose with certainty? Do you sacrifice the winning opportunities for multiple team members for the sake of inclusion? Why would the others participate if faced with the certainty of crushing defeat?
I am not saying it was the case in OP's situation, nor am I saying that there is a right or wrong answer (I believe both answers are valid, and deserve equal respect).

[kenyancowgirl]

It is not about the OPs son not accepting someone - it is about the OPs son telling other people not to accept someone. Perhaps you missed that subtlety?

I'm sorry that you think capital letters on one word for stress (as opposed to "shouting" in capitals) is not acceptable - in a similar way of none acceptance, I do not think isolating people is acceptable in any form - and I, as a parent ,would not accept my child doing this because I think social isolation is the one of the cruellest forms of bullying.

With your "sport" analogy, it is NOT up to the players to exclude someone - it is up to a coach to select a squad appropriate for the game - a good coach does this by explaining selection and allowing those who are not the strongest to shine in an alternative game - a bad parent allows their child to isolate others and excuses it under various caveats.

[ConfusedFather]

It is not about the OPs son not accepting someone - it is about the OPs son telling other people not to accept someone. Perhaps you missed that subtlety?

I'm sorry that you think capital letters on one word for stress (as opposed to "shouting" in capitals) is not acceptable - in a similar way of none acceptance, I do not think isolating people is acceptable in any form - and I, as a parent ,would not accept my child doing this because I think social isolation is the one of the cruellest forms of bullying.

With your "sport" analogy, it is NOT up to the players to exclude someone - it is up to a coach to select a squad appropriate for the game - a good coach does this by explaining selection and allowing those who are not the strongest to shine in an alternative game - a bad parent allows their child to isolate others and excuses it under various caveats.

Yes, I quite possibly misunderstood it (and hence why I say this may or may not apply to OP's situation). I understood it as "OPs son telling other people not to accept someone in his own team". In your interpretation, I agree it sounds very cruel and would definitely need a very long talk with the bully with strong repercussions.

While I agree that isolation is cruel, it is not necessarily bullying. The world is not as black and white as some believe it, and this apply to many topics. Take the topics from the other side of the fence, which I experienced: You want to play a game with other kids, they say no, an adult forces them to get you in the team. They subsequently lose the game because of your multiple blunders. Now, if I may ask, do you feel better as a child knowing that you were the sole cause of making 10 other players lose? Do you think the other 10 players will feel better about you than if you simply watched the game? I think that in some circumstances it can be cruel to force kids in other children's games against their will, it can foster resentment that will fester over time and will turn into proper active bullying.

Regarding the coach argument, not all competitive games have a coach. I am actually surprised you even bring that argument. Have you never played or seen kids play games with winners/losers? As a side note, I personally would simply not allow kids to play fortnite as I know how competitive and toxic the online competitive gaming environment can be, and hence how it can give rise to such situations. But from a rhetorical point of view, this used to be quite common in sport (and I suspect still is): the only way for a team to accept a poor player was for the opposing team to also accept an equal handicap.

Please do note the heavy use of conditional, as it all depends on circumstances and the children involved.