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PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2019 10:22 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2015 10:14 pm
Posts: 199
Location: London
DD3 nearly 11 is overweight ang getting upset about it. DS1 is skinny, DD2 is normal weight. DH is skinny, I have recently put on weight due to menopause but I was a healthy weight until a couple of years ago. We will go and see the GP, but I am not really optimistic. She loves her food. I would love to hear about success stories. I feel I need to try to help her but we are not going anywhere, her weight is creeping up. She will become unhealthy and it is a worry.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 1:16 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 7:53 am
Posts: 62
Whatever you do please don’t mention it to your DD. Anxiety over it will make it worse and a lifelong battle extending to depression. Family, love and affection is the key. Playfully increase the physical activity- swimming is amazing and you can do it twice a week. Starting 13-14 yrs they will evolve and be able to control their habits. You’re doing the shopping and you can conveniently forget cakes and pastries and choose healthier options. I cannot insist on my first point any better. If you get your child conscious and worried about something that is not their fault you are instigating a mental illness which would grow cancerous. Trust me she will turn out perfect in few years time if you keep your anxiety to yourself and smart parent her. ..,Been there done that!
SummersLazy


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 11:54 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:44 am
Posts: 1841
Location: Reading
My DD was 'a bit chunky' at 11. She loves her food and was often held up as an example by friends with picky children (probably not that helpful).
OH and I agonised over how to address this as we did not want to be causing her any body image issues. In the end we just made sure that there was always plenty of healthy food on hand at home and we offered praise whenever she opted for anything physical. She discovered hockey in yr 7 having never been sporty in junior school. I think she also just got busier and was walking to and from school (20ish minutes each way) and also into town as she was now old enough to go and meet friends.
She gradually got taller without getting any wider.
By the time she finished y11 and we got rid of her uniform she had managed with the same skort and PE sweatshirt for all 5 years, skirts had gone up once in waist size but twice in increased length.
She is now a size 10 17 yr old with some curves and I am very glad that I let her develop in her own way.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 12:27 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:59 pm
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Whilst I agree with trying to support her not to get anxious, I think the key here is that you have said that she is starting to get upset.

Taking her to the GP is a good start - they can check out that there is no medical issue for it (over/underactive thyroid, for example) and talk to her about healthy eating choices and exercise. My son was always solid - not overly fat but chunky and one day he decided that he didn't want to be - he started making very healthy food choices and visiting the gym - and has maintained this lifestyle because it came from him - he now weighs more than he did at his biggest but is much slimmer round his waist - he is muscly now (plays a lot of rugby).

You could look at teaching her to cook - swapping unhealthy ingredients for more healthy ones - get her involved with the family shop - try out new fruits and vegetables - identify treats that are more healthy than her usual ones - make packed lunches rather than hot school dinners and encourage her to exercise - do a whole family walk at a weekend so that the focus is not on her losing weight but on you all getting healthy together. You have said that you have put on weight post menopause - why not work together on improving your fitness (focus on fitness rather than weight)?


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 12:50 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2015 10:14 pm
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Location: London
Thanks for the replies. DD2 was a bit chunky too but never in the overweight range and slimmed down naturally to a normal weight during high school years. DD3 is clearly overweight, and this has been going on since year 2, and we have healthy food, cycling/walking to school, tennis at weekend, swimming, etc but this is not going away, on the contrary. She needs to stop eating so much, she loves her food and doesn't feel full. Not talking about it doesn't seem to be an option anymore but I agree that making her feel even more self conscious than she is already is the tricky bit here that I don't really know how to play. I was googling yesterday evening before posting here and it is scary, overweight children have an increase risk of type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, depression, low self esteem you name it, all of this written in bold characters....very stressful. She needs to be involved in the process I think. Will take an appointment with the GP and take it from there.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 1:37 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:59 pm
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This may sound daft but have you suggested that she drink a glass of water about 20 minutes before she eats too? (And increases her water intake generally?) It taked about 20 minutes for food/drink to actually hit the stomach so if she already has water in her stomach, she may trick her brain into thinking she is full sooner - effectively it sounds like she may need to retrain herself that she is actually full as she has, it sounds, got used to overeating and needs to overeat to feel full. Increasing water intake also helps aid digestion so helps removing stuff too!!

I think the GP is a good starting point - they may have a scheme specially for young people where she could be supported (and realise that it is not just her!) Good luck!


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 1:38 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 7:53 am
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Bazelle wrote:
Thanks for the replies. DD2 was a bit chunky too but never in the overweight range and slimmed down naturally to a normal weight during high school years. DD3 is clearly overweight, and this has been going on since year 2, and we have healthy food, cycling/walking to school, tennis at weekend, swimming, etc but this is not going away, on the contrary. She needs to stop eating so much, she loves her food and doesn't feel full. Not talking about it doesn't seem to be an option anymore but I agree that making her feel even more self conscious than she is already is the tricky bit here that I don't really know how to play. I was googling yesterday evening before posting here and it is scary, overweight children have an increase risk of type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, depression, low self esteem you name it, all of this written in bold characters....very stressful. She needs to be involved in the process I think. Will take an appointment with the GP and take it from there.

She’s maturing and the harmones are acting up. Growth spurts are common. It’s bound to settle in a couple of years time. I’m finding your response quiet upsetting. Don’t shame her into changing her habits please. If you do, you are the start of the low self esteem, depression and Obesity. Please take her to a doctor and get her blood work done. Swap to healthier foods as well. My apologies, but please think about what I’m trying to say.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 1:54 pm 
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I don't think OP is trying to shame her DD. She explicitly says she doesn't want to make her DD feel more self-conscious. However, if OP thinks her DD is eating too much, she does need to think of ways of changing this without upsetting her DD.

I'm afraid there's absolutely no guarantee that her DD's weight will "settle in a couple of year's time" - ignoring it and hoping it will get better on its own is not a sensible strategy.

OP is taking the difficult decision to address this with her DD and I think this should be supported. The GP visit does sound like a good place to start.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 2:08 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2016 11:29 am
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Assuming it doesn’t turn out to be a medical issue, you could have a look to see where your nearest Couch to 5k is running (no pun intended!), especially if you could do with getting a bit fitter yourself too. Over 8 or 9 weeks, it gets you from being a complete couch potato to being able to run 5k/for 30 mins. Even if the actual sessions are adult only - mine were - there are 'homework' runs. My then 12 year old ds came with me on my homework runs last year and was fantastic - I can hear him saying 'Come on mum, you can do it!' now! It might be easier to get her buy in to something you’re doing too, and as KCG says, you can focus on you both improving your fitness rather than it being about weight – although your weight will benefit too. You could even turn it completely on its head and make it all about you and you need her help…

The thought of the first session was a bit daunting – but I really did need to do something and when I got there, there were several overweight middle aged people like me and I didn’t feel out of place at all.

It really does work. I started in May and struggled to jog for a minute at the beginning but I did my first 10k in October. Me and ds quite regularly go for a run together at weekends now, it's a good way of spending a bit of time together, getting some fresh air, having a chat - once you get to the point where you can run and talk at the same time anyway - he knows not to expect conversation out of me even now if we're going up hill!

Might be worth a try. Good luck

Manon


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 4:55 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:59 pm
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SummersLazy wrote:
Bazelle wrote:
Thanks for the replies. DD2 was a bit chunky too but never in the overweight range and slimmed down naturally to a normal weight during high school years. DD3 is clearly overweight, and this has been going on since year 2, and we have healthy food, cycling/walking to school, tennis at weekend, swimming, etc but this is not going away, on the contrary. She needs to stop eating so much, she loves her food and doesn't feel full. Not talking about it doesn't seem to be an option anymore but I agree that making her feel even more self conscious than she is already is the tricky bit here that I don't really know how to play. I was googling yesterday evening before posting here and it is scary, overweight children have an increase risk of type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, depression, low self esteem you name it, all of this written in bold characters....very stressful. She needs to be involved in the process I think. Will take an appointment with the GP and take it from there.

She’s maturing and the harmones are acting up. Growth spurts are common. It’s bound to settle in a couple of years time. I’m finding your response quiet upsetting. Don’t shame her into changing her habits please. If you do, you are the start of the low self esteem, depression and Obesity. Please take her to a doctor and get her blood work done. Swap to healthier foods as well. My apologies, but please think about what I’m trying to say.


SummersLazy, please read what Bazelle is actually saying, not what you think she is saying!

Unlike you, I read a very sensible concerned mother who has a child who has spoken to her about being overweight (when she is - rather than a pre anorexic girl who thinks she is overweight when she isn't) and has already said she is going to take her to the GP to work together on this. She has also clearly stated that they already eat healthy food and exercise and that the issue is, in common with most people, the quantity of food. It is not "bound to settle in a couple of years time" - it might, or it might not - Bazelle is trying to ensure it does in a - I think - caring responsible way.


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