11 Plus Exams Forum

Hi Guys
looking for some solidarity to make me feel better.
My daughter is in year 8 at an all girls grammar and I am really struggling this year with her awful attitude towards me and her famly. I am convincing myself its because of the all girl enviroment and quite affluent peer group that she looks down on us mere mortals. Every day involves shouting, screaming, stomping, door slamming much "I hate you's" along with the make up, rolled up skirt and hours of preening in the mirror. We are at our whits end and dread every new day and what it will bring...to the point I am wondering if I should withdraw her from this prestigeous school and put her in a co-ed grammar instead.
Any views would be welcomed...even just to hear anyone else out there is going through something similar would help!

Hi Whyme

welcome to the forum

Apart frome the rolling up of the skirt, my year 8 DD is almost human.

I haven't a clue why she is like this as I do not think this is entirely normal and I fully expect something just like your daughter to appear from the bedroom every morning. I think it is called hormones - these seem to cause havoc to a greater or lesser extent in all kids.

FWIW we run an incredibly laid back house (in contrast to how we were brought up ) -really not sure if this has made a difference.

Good Luck - I am sure some fellow shell shocked mothers will be along soon

Herman
x

Hi,

Most people talk about how well their wonderful kids are doing.

In reality most of us parents have suffered growing pains (emotions) and I guess our kids are doing the same.

From a slightly different perspective as a dad of boys aged 13 and 9, and a girl aged 7, the boys are physically (rutting?) challenging my authority, but I see that as part of our development of a life long relationship.

Happy to swap one of my boys for another girl or a well behaved dog.

The first part to solving a problem is quantifying it (talking about it) so you are well on your way.

steve

Hello,
I am the mum of three girls I have one in year 9, one in year 7 and one is still little and sweet.
I have at times compared the teenage years to the toddler years.All the boundaries are pushed and they think the world revolves around them.
All I can say is that I think you have to pick your battles.
Does the skirt rolling out of sight matter that much....probably not really.As long as nothing too much is on show
Does the make up matter? well as long as they are not going out like Cocoa the clown... probably not.
In these stages of life, you cannot go into battle about everything.

Does disrespecting you and the household matter? Well yes I think it does.I have confiscated mobiles, laptops, docked pocket money etc.I have made them come back downstairs and walk back up without stomping.I do go into battle and it is tiring and upsetting at times.

However I think it matters we win on the important issues.If it is some comfort year 8 was much worse than year 9 .To be delicate we were building to a certain event and now I can predict cycles much more, if you know what I mean.
Everyone is different but I would not let bad language, "I hate you" and other disrespect go unpunished.I know it is hard but some battles are worth fighting.
I think they want to know where the boundaries lie.We are having a lovely spell at the moment but I think the battles will come again and reluctantly I think I will choose to fight them again.

My daughters too are at a prestigious girls' grammar and their peer group is affluent.However I have a real cross section of friends and I think this behaviour transcends school types or income.

To cut them some slack I think the pressure to conform to the wrong kind of behaviour is so strong at yr 8 ish age and within 2- 3 years, they know more who they are and where they fit in.

Not easy is it?

ps I think teenage girls have fantastic upsides.When we are all on form we have fantastic companionship. I also think it is worth allowing the late night chats (when they are trying to extend bedtime)It is often when their worries come out. A hot chocolate date at a coffee lounge does wonders too for relations. Good luck x

stevew61 wrote:
Happy to swap one of my boys for another girl or a well behaved dog.



steve

Brill -
actually you might be onto something - most kids behave fine for other adults .... shall we set up a swap shop ???

Whyme, the school is not the problem it is your DD doing what most DD's do at this age regardless of their backgrounds. I was totally hideous to my family, even to the point I cut off my grandparents for a whole year when I was 14! There was absolutely no prestige in my background or schooling and it really is just her age. So on an up note:

She is normal
No need to change her school
Her strong character can be molded (eventually) and will stand her in good stead for the future!

T.i.p.s.y wrote:Whyme, the school is not the problem it is your DD doing what most DD's do at this age regardless of their backgrounds. I was totally hideous to my family, even to the point I cut off my grandparents for a whole year when I was 14! There was absolutely no prestige in my background or schooling and it really is just her age. So on an up note:

She is normal
No need to change her school
Her strong character can be molded (eventually) and will stand her in good stead for the future!

Totally agree with Tipsy, especially on the last point.A child that never shows any sign of rebellion at all would probably worry me.
Poor kids - they can't win can they

Chelmsford mum wrote: Does disrespecting you and the household matter? Well yes I think it does.I have confiscated mobiles, laptops, docked pocket money etc.I have made them come back downstairs and walk back up without stomping.I do go into battle and it is tiring and upsetting at times....
Everyone is different but I would not let bad language, "I hate you" and other disrespect go unpunished.I know it is hard but some battles are worth fighting.
My daughters too are at a prestigious girls' grammar and their peer group is affluent.However I have a real cross section of friends and I think this behaviour transcends school types or income.

To cut them some slack I think the pressure to conform to the wrong kind of behaviour is so strong at yr 8 ish age and within 2- 3 years, they know more who they are and where they fit in.

Not easy is it?

ps I think teenage girls have fantastic upsides.When we are all on form we have fantastic companionship. I also think it is worth allowing the late night chats (when they are trying to extend bedtime)It is often when their worries come out. A hot chocolate date at a coffee lounge does wonders too for relations. Good luck x

CM what a great post. Good luck to us all.....

Year 9 easier than year 8. Less slamming of doors though skirt rolled up higher! Ha