Attitude
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I agree totally with Ed's mum.I have a DS of nearly 13 (Y8 ) who has turned from an angel(!) into a 
. Definitely hormones as the dreaded spots are appearing (have stocked up on Clearasil to stave off an outbreak!).
Doesn't want to answer any questions to do with school or his social life and veers from ignoring me to bearhugs.
I showed him the post and he laughed so at least he knows that he's not the only one going through this!!
It gets to the point when you don't dare to ask a question - the response is either "I don't know" or "Oh Mum, stop asking me questions all the time"
Really really frustrating!! He has a habit of suddenly remembering a piece of homework at 10pm which of course has to be in the next day!
S'pose I will just have to take his advice (frequently offered)and "Chill"!
. Definitely hormones as the dreaded spots are appearing (have stocked up on Clearasil to stave off an outbreak!).Doesn't want to answer any questions to do with school or his social life and veers from ignoring me to bearhugs.
I showed him the post and he laughed so at least he knows that he's not the only one going through this!!
It gets to the point when you don't dare to ask a question - the response is either "I don't know" or "Oh Mum, stop asking me questions all the time"
Really really frustrating!! He has a habit of suddenly remembering a piece of homework at 10pm which of course has to be in the next day!
S'pose I will just have to take his advice (frequently offered)and "Chill"!
Much of Clarendon's post echoes our own experience. Our eldest son has also been difficult almost since birth, very rewarding in many ways, but extraordinarily wilful and stubborn.
All of Year 7 was a nightmare, especially the first 2 terms. At school there was no problem, but at home he was swearing, yelling and trying to push us around physically. He's as tall as me now so it was quite scary. Even more worryingly, he was morose and withdrawn in between, sometimes not speaking at home for days at a time.
There is a massive improvement in year 8. He's quite young for his age socially, and we think in retrospect he was desperately anxious about the move to secondary school, but he likes to appear sorted and self-sufficient (as do we all, I suppose), while actually finding new situations very stressful, so it all came out as rage instead. We too sought outside help for him. It was useful, and also helped to control our own feelings of distress. We just about have our cheerful but stubborn boy back now, though we are prepared in case it all kicks off again as hormone levels continue to change!
It amazes me how well most children do cope with the onset of adolescence combined with the move to secondary school.
All of Year 7 was a nightmare, especially the first 2 terms. At school there was no problem, but at home he was swearing, yelling and trying to push us around physically. He's as tall as me now so it was quite scary. Even more worryingly, he was morose and withdrawn in between, sometimes not speaking at home for days at a time.
There is a massive improvement in year 8. He's quite young for his age socially, and we think in retrospect he was desperately anxious about the move to secondary school, but he likes to appear sorted and self-sufficient (as do we all, I suppose), while actually finding new situations very stressful, so it all came out as rage instead. We too sought outside help for him. It was useful, and also helped to control our own feelings of distress. We just about have our cheerful but stubborn boy back now, though we are prepared in case it all kicks off again as hormone levels continue to change!
It amazes me how well most children do cope with the onset of adolescence combined with the move to secondary school.
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Sassie'sDad
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Eldest dd now almost twenty displayed some of this distressing behaviour. I fully agree with what has alredy been posted. Youngest (year 7) is still sweetness and light.
Can't wait to observe skirt rolling as uniform mandates skirt which sweeps the ground! - I thought it was the one thing certain to put her off choosing that institution (how wrong can a parent be) but oh no; even eldest said she would have given her eye teeth to have gone there despite grandma's skirt!
Can't wait to observe skirt rolling as uniform mandates skirt which sweeps the ground! - I thought it was the one thing certain to put her off choosing that institution (how wrong can a parent be) but oh no; even eldest said she would have given her eye teeth to have gone there despite grandma's skirt!
Just wanted to add my good vibes and support for you Whyme.
My DD is in year 13 now and maturing into the lovely girl I knew was in there. We had a pretty miserable time during years 8-9, typical of what people have shared here. She does still occasionally flair up at certain times of the month but only in a small way and very soon afterwards apologises and says that she was wrong / being hurtful and that she loves me.
How did we get through the difficult times? Whew, no magic answer I'm afraid. There has been some wonderful supportive advice already on this thread and it does help to know that you are not alone. It's particularly hard when there are other children in the family who are not currently in this difficult stage because their comparatively angelic behaviour can trigger / exacerbate feelings of inadequacy or jealousy or even rage.
I found it hard (but never gave up) to balance the praise / complements, hugs etc between my DD and my (6 years) younger DS because at the time DD was doing her best to ensure there was nothing to praise or complement and DS was of course being an angel. I therefore made sure that I was constantly on the look out for an opportunity to praise DD (not making it too obvious though - she's pretty clever!) and one day she burst into tears after I told her I was proud of her and she said that it had seemed so long since I had told her that. Times like that are ideal for a little chat along the lines of 'love you so much but hate the behaviour / when you make me so proud of you it feels so good' etc.
Years 10-11 were much better and we manoeuvred into a more adult relationship with a very strong emphasis on communication. We worked gradually to the point where now she has more responsibility / freedom / own decisions but is expected to keep us in the loop and talk things through.
Blimey, I was only going to post a line or two of support and see now that I have waffled on! Hope it helps anyway!
Chin up!
PS: I stopped the stomping upstairs and slamming the door in one evening by throwing a huge hissy fit myself in complete imitation of DD before she could do it. She was pretty angry about that but she realised how silly it looks and even though she wanted to didn't do it since! LOL
My DD is in year 13 now and maturing into the lovely girl I knew was in there. We had a pretty miserable time during years 8-9, typical of what people have shared here. She does still occasionally flair up at certain times of the month but only in a small way and very soon afterwards apologises and says that she was wrong / being hurtful and that she loves me.
How did we get through the difficult times? Whew, no magic answer I'm afraid. There has been some wonderful supportive advice already on this thread and it does help to know that you are not alone. It's particularly hard when there are other children in the family who are not currently in this difficult stage because their comparatively angelic behaviour can trigger / exacerbate feelings of inadequacy or jealousy or even rage.
I found it hard (but never gave up) to balance the praise / complements, hugs etc between my DD and my (6 years) younger DS because at the time DD was doing her best to ensure there was nothing to praise or complement and DS was of course being an angel. I therefore made sure that I was constantly on the look out for an opportunity to praise DD (not making it too obvious though - she's pretty clever!) and one day she burst into tears after I told her I was proud of her and she said that it had seemed so long since I had told her that. Times like that are ideal for a little chat along the lines of 'love you so much but hate the behaviour / when you make me so proud of you it feels so good' etc.
Years 10-11 were much better and we manoeuvred into a more adult relationship with a very strong emphasis on communication. We worked gradually to the point where now she has more responsibility / freedom / own decisions but is expected to keep us in the loop and talk things through.
Blimey, I was only going to post a line or two of support and see now that I have waffled on! Hope it helps anyway!
Chin up!
PS: I stopped the stomping upstairs and slamming the door in one evening by throwing a huge hissy fit myself in complete imitation of DD before she could do it. She was pretty angry about that but she realised how silly it looks and even though she wanted to didn't do it since! LOL
I'd like to add my support for you too - I think it can be a real challenge to tell the difference between ordinary (hideous) teenage behaviour and something more serious that could do with some outside help.
On a slightly lighter note, however, I love my own mother dearly but even now when she says some things (however nicely) I still find my inner teenager rebelling!
Or is that just me....
On a slightly lighter note, however, I love my own mother dearly but even now when she says some things (however nicely) I still find my inner teenager rebelling!
Or is that just me....
Thank you everyone for sharing your own experiences and for your support. It was just the tonic I needed, to know we are not alone...just perhaps at the top end of the scale! I will persevere mainly because I know deep inside theres a lovely girl who is just a bit lost in all the drama (or at least I tell myself this to get through another day!) 
I just want to say that this site is fantastic and the support you all give to eachother is such a find in this day and age where everyone seems to be out for themselves!
Im sure our road ahead is long but I know its been walked by many before me and im sure more will follow.
Thanks guys x
I just want to say that this site is fantastic and the support you all give to eachother is such a find in this day and age where everyone seems to be out for themselves!
Im sure our road ahead is long but I know its been walked by many before me and im sure more will follow.
Thanks guys x
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familyinthevalley
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My best friend has a saying that she lives by.....
'If your child hasn't told you they hate you yet, you haven't been doing your job as a mother'.......
I have five boys......and I hear they are so different to girls....but I know I have one who is currently year 5 who will test any boundary. I have had to choose battles with him, and I choose to take on the ones that involve respect. At school he is apparently an angel.....the horns don't appear until the school bell goes, and they apparently shrink back when the bell goes to go in in the morning.
Remember though - when she grows out of this phase, she will respect you even more for standing your ground, and ensuring that she turns into the best person she can be. She could have it alot worse, she could have a parent who really couldn't be bothered, and get away with it all, and have one heck of a tough journey later in life.
Breathe deeply.......and 'dates' just one on one do work great!
'If your child hasn't told you they hate you yet, you haven't been doing your job as a mother'.......
I have five boys......and I hear they are so different to girls....but I know I have one who is currently year 5 who will test any boundary. I have had to choose battles with him, and I choose to take on the ones that involve respect. At school he is apparently an angel.....the horns don't appear until the school bell goes, and they apparently shrink back when the bell goes to go in in the morning.
Remember though - when she grows out of this phase, she will respect you even more for standing your ground, and ensuring that she turns into the best person she can be. She could have it alot worse, she could have a parent who really couldn't be bothered, and get away with it all, and have one heck of a tough journey later in life.
Breathe deeply.......and 'dates' just one on one do work great!
[/quote]Yr 9 , maybe beginning to settle
I cannot wait!! My DS in Y8 of GS has become an absolute nighmare. Our house yesterday turned into a shouting field and we ended up with 2 giant headaches (me and DH's of course). DS was rude, stubborn, kept provoking us (especially me) to the limits of endurance.
First time I felt helpless. The only thing coming out of his mouth was 'I do not care!' Any ideas of punishment for a bad behaviour?
Today in the morning I sent him to school by buses for the first time = he had to get up after 6am and I could stay in bad until 8.30am. I quite liked it! However not good in the long term. It is a long commute and I want him to be rested, so he can do well in school. Any other ideas are very welcome.