Opinions wanted re lateness

[tiredmum]

If the problem is that actually you have no control over what time your daughter goes to bed, then I can see why you hope school sanctions will do what you cannot. However, the school seem to be paying you the compliment of assuming that you do still have some influence over your daughter's behaviour.

I have this problem with dd1 - i can tell her she must go to bed, turn the internet off, take the phone out but she still will not always sleep - and she needs the sleep as she is tired in the morning. I think its up to the school to work with you on this one, its in everyones best interests fot your dd to arrive on time. The school are not really highlighting the importance of being puntual by giving detentions etc - have a chat with them.

[aliportico]

Lol, yes, the issue is not whether I have control over what time she goes to bed, because I certainly have no control (and haven't for about 13 years!) over what time she *goes to sleep*. She's a night owl, like I am, and I have grim memories from childhood of lying there in the dark not being able to sleep, bored out of my mind. Anyway, I doubt very much that she offered "being too tired to get up" as an excuse at school - I hope even she would know that one would get her laughed out of the place! She was just being obnoxious earlier because she doesn't like knowing she's in the wrong.

I guess the first thing to do is to ask the school if they can keep me more informed, because I don't always know if she is on time or late. She'll tell me if she was late and signed the late book, but for a couple of the ones this term (they included her attendance record too) she didn't even know she had been marked as late.

I'm still really annoyed that they're threatening me with an EWO though.

[Looking for help]

I still think as the adult in the situation, you as parent have ultimate control. Admittedly our children have always taken the bus to school, but we as their parents have got them up and taken them to the bus stop so that the only reason they could be late was if their bus was late. This might be too much hands on parenting, but tbh, couldn;t deal with 'missing the bus' scenarios.

To be honest, it really doesn't matter whether she's a night owl or not. I am one, and kick myself every morning for being one, but she needs to get to school on time, QED. i don't know what you mean by EWO, it sounds a bit scarey though

[aliportico]

Yeah, it would be much easier most days to be awake before the alarm, wouldn't it! And yes, she needs to learn to just get up and get on with it. I'm not taking her to school though, she's 14 and gets herself around town perfectly competently and punctually when it suits her! I feed her and make sure she knows what the time is - the rest is up to her. And perhaps that sounds like I'm too hands off But I'm not doing more because nagging at her just drives me mad and I don't like starting the day with an argument.

EWO = Educational Welfare Officer. Who says she will contact us to arrange a home visit if dd's punctuality doesn't improve. Dunno what she would do here - inspect dd's arrangement of alarm clocks?

[tiredmum]

I'm not taking her to school though, she's 14 and gets herself around town perfectly competently and punctually when it suits her! I feed her and make sure she knows what the time is - the rest is up to her.

I agree with you - both my dd's (yr 7 and 11) get the bus to school, different buses as at different schools. We chose schools where they could independantly get there and i think its one of their jobs to make sure they do not miss the bus. I get them up though and remind them of the time as they get ready but the rest is up to them. Occassionally i give them lifts, if they have something that needs to be taken in to school or a very late night because of club/school commitments but that amounts to once or twice a month at most.

I do think its harsh what the school is suggesting -but i also do think your dd should get herself there on time, they should be helping you and your dd to achieve this.

[Belinda]

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[Snowdrops]

You could always try setting all the house clocks ten minutes early and not telling anyone (apart from OH). You could then chivvy them along as if that were the real time and they'd be out the door in plenty of time to catch buses/trains/walk/cycle etc.

Of course, this involves not having the radio or tv on (so as not to divulge the real time) - and how long could you keep it up for?

I don't know if it's the answer, it's just a thought.

[nigs]

Snowdrops, that to me sounds like a brilliant idea. I have a few clocks set early at home and even I sometimes forget that they have been set early.

[magwich2]

Personally I wouldn't let an EWO (aka social services) ANYWHERE near my house. You could arrange to meet them at school if you really have to but if you let them in your house it may be difficult to get rid of them!

[mum23*]

You have my sympathy aliP. We sometimes have a real battle with DD1 in the mornings and it is such a rotten start to the day. I know you have probably tried everything to encourage/ persuade/ tell off but now the school are doing this I would make an appointment with the person you think will be useful/helpful - maybe head of year? Then they at least know you are not to blame (and sorry to other posters but it is NOT your fault it's your DDs). It could also be that the form teacher is a bit poor at sorting out registration and doesn't mark your DD even if she gets there in time but after others. If those rehearsals are making her late the form teacher should be aware and not mark that as late or sort it out with drama staff -it is probably not only your DD affected by this. Have a meeting with a member of staff and see if they can suggest a helpful strategy to support you and DD whether this be sanctions, rewards, mentoring etc

Check that there is not any underlying problem with school - bullying/friendship issues or school work that might be causing your DD to be reluctant to go to school.


Speak to DD in a calm moment, over the hols perhaps and tell her that this is really embarrassing for you and appeal to her better nature to try and help the family by getting there on time. There will be the odd slip up but offer a reward (whatever works) if she improves. Remind DD to get ALL her stuff ready the night before, you might have to keep reminding her each evening for a while (maybe forever ) include lunch/lunch money/phone the lot and set the time to leave 5 mins early because it might be taking DD longer to get there. It is often the silly messing around in the morning that makes the difference to being late. Think of ways to improve bed time..a warm bath, hot drink, wind down chat with you, a good book, I have tried suggesting making certain nights earlier bedtimes as a catch up.

I sound like I know what to do but let me tell you there have been some mornings when I don't think the EWO, social services or the police would have got my DD out of bed!!!!

Good Luck and let me know if you find a magic cure for this one.