Facebook etc

[scary mum]

I like dao comment that they have been with friends all day.

Hasn't it always been so? I wasn't too bad but I do remember friends who went home from school and inmmediately spent an hour or so on the phone (I wasn't allowed until 6pm, so maybe the urgency had worn off by then). I remember the cries of "you've been with them all day, why do you need to spend all evening on the phone?" Most teenagers need their friends and also some time hiding in their rooms, much as we like to think of enjoying an evening of singing around the piano and discussing the events of the day over a shared meal where no-one objects to the brocoli.

[KS10]

I used to hoover for hours. It gave me time to think and to convince my mum I was helping out.

[Amber]

(I wasn't allowed until 6pm, so maybe the urgency had worn off by then).

I had forgotten that - the price of calls went down at 6pm and that applied to me too, unless it was something mighty urgent. There was also only one 'phone in the house and it was in the hallway so anyone could listen. So even if our generation of girls fancied asking 'am I hot?' of their friends (was it just me? We didn't!) the answer was likely to have been 'turn the radiator down then' from a passing parent.

I detest social networking, feel it is not only an ideal bullying tool and way of excluding others, used particularly in that way by girls (and yes the photos are eye-watering); but also a nasty side of the 'look at me and read all about me' pseudo-celebrity culture which leads to people believing themselves to be intrinsically fascinating. Email is aimed at the person you are sending to and is generally personalised; social networking is broadcasting indiscriminately with no interest in the 'other person' at all.

[mystery]

I still wonder if we are assuming wrongly that these children have been with their friends all day. At the large secondary I spent a few weeks at a while ago it certainly was not the case. Lessons are for learning and one is not necessarily in groups with one's friends. Break times were brief and mostly spent going to the loo and the walking to a distant lesson. Lunchtime looked like a very scattered affair. Finding one's friends indoors or outdoors without phoning them could have been tricky. One day I left home early and walked past a girl reading a book behind a bush down the road from the school. Nobody would have noticed if she was not there all day. No one spoke to her or sat next to her in classes I observed or vertical tutor group time. This is extreme but I wonder how many of the others went on Facebook when they got home for virtual time with friends when they needed real time with friends. Unplug the computer and invite the friends round I say.

[ginx]

My dd1, 14, has it but my dd2, 11, does not - yet she sees many of her friends on it through dd1's account. Then dd2 gets upset because as someone's said, she can see where she hasn't been invited. Dd2 will not get it until she is 13 but I am going to let her have it.

Dd1's conversations are very dull, hi, xoxoxoxo, one direction talk. Ds1 just uses it to ask about homework/choir dates, nothing bad. I know their passwords and do check.

Dd1 has a friend who sends terrible messages, saying she's feeling low, if dd1 doesn't keep messaging her, this friend says she's so depressed she doesn't know what she will do, and dd1 worries her friend will self harm or worse. So dd1 just logs out when she sees this friend is on. Strange.

I too spent hours on the phone as a teenager and don't intend to ban fb, just monitor it.

I loathe the pictures of girls. I think 99% of them look like Barbie's! I think my dd's are a bit jealous they don't; I'm glad. They just can't, dd1 has frizzy hair and a very round, childish face, my other dd (not yet on fb) has short hair. Their friends all look about 18 and yes, all have pouty expressions.

I don't know the answer but am not going to ban it. Another friend was banned, she was putting videos on from home, in her school uniform (showing her school name), saying she was really lonely and wanted any friends, she was always there to talk to anyone. So understandably her parents banned her. But she has just joined under several different names. She is vulnerable and it is potentially dangerous.

I can't talk though; I'm on fb to stay in touch with friends and family abroad. Although not about one direction and I certainly don't have any pouty photos.

[Mums23]

I detest social networking, feel it is not only an ideal bullying tool and way of excluding others, used particularly in that way by girls (and yes the photos are eye-watering); but also a nasty side of the 'look at me and read all about me' pseudo-celebrity culture which leads to people believing themselves to be intrinsically fascinating. Email is aimed at the person you are sending to and is generally personalised; social networking is broadcasting indiscriminately with no interest in the 'other person' at all. [/quote

Amber, you are spot on about the social networking. Yes, it is a necessary evil at some stage,but not at this age. Phone calls & emails are more than enough to convey anything relating to school & otherwise.

[Daogroupie]

Wow Amber, another thing we agree on! I also absolutely detest social networking. I am astounded at the "nice" girls behaving like tramps and posting trashy pictures of themselves. The minute by minute accounts of their lives for hundreds to look at. The dumbing down of proper written communication that then translates to a very poor written English in school. It is just so me too'ish!