scary mum wrote:
One thing I do know is that nagging will not help - it has to come from her.
Absolutely agree - also from experience. As a parent all you can do is advise and support if it goes wrong. Our job is to love unconditionally. You may feel she is wasting her opportunities, but if she doesn't there is probably little you can do to convince her.
My DD is finally at uni - having sorted herself out and turned herself into a model student - motivated and ruthlessly hardworking. It wasn't down to what we or her teachers said. It was completely and utterly down to what she wanted and once she knew there was no stopping her.
I do remember one hideous argument when she blamed us (parents) for everything that was wrong in her life - she hated us, her life etc. My reply was along these lines: "Stop! We have advised you. We have offered you help, but you chose not to accept it. We are now supporting your choices, because we love you. We are funding your time at home out of our earnings. You can either go along with our house rules, because we are a large family and have to be considerate to one another, or you can move out. It is your choice and we will help if you want us to, but it is up to you. None of this is our fault. I will not accept the blame for your choices." And then I left the room.
I don't know if that was right or not; I'd never spoken to her like that before or since, but I was fed up and I felt better after it. She couldn't continue her rant and she seemed to accept what I'd said. It wasn't a turning point as such, but she has never blamed me for her choices since.
Good luck - parenting is such a hard job and I think parenting teenagers is possibly the hardest job of all.