Homework/revision and parental involvement

[fairyelephant]

FIFA and Fortnite are DS’s favourites too Surferfish. Not my cup of tea. It is sociable though, he plays online with friends from school and they laugh and laugh! So maybe not all bad, he could be doing worse I guess!

[Eccentric]

I started to ask my Dd to self regular regarding social media etc about a year and a half ago and it has paid off. She now turns her phone onto airplane mode when she is working because her friend's hundreds of messages per hour drive her nuts.

I have nothing to do with homework or revision except to ask for time frames for work that she needs to do so that I can make sure that our family schedule allows her to do what is needed. I do tell her to stop sometimes. On a school night I enforce a cut off time of 9 pm and at the weekend I ask that she doesn't work on Sundays (not for religious reasons) unless she has a huge amount to do. She seems to be doing well at school so this seems to be working for us.

[kenyancowgirl]

I do worry for your DD Eccentric if she is working till 9pm just on GCSEs. Seriously. I have a very bright son who achieved across the board top grades and he certainly didn't work for GCSEs past 7pm - even on nights when he had after school clubs - and rarely did work at weekends, except in the last term. For A levels he tends to work till about 8pm every night and does a couple of hours over the weekend. I have another son who does so little work at home we keep expecting him to come home with detentions for not doing homework, but he hasn't, and assures us he is doing it at school. His recent mocks didn't have anything less than an old A (7) and were mainly A* (8/9s) - he is bright but not the top of the year...

If she feels the need to work for this many hours, is the level too hard for her? Or, do you think she is still affected by not passing the 11+ and feels the need to prove herself now she is in a Grammar School? Or if it is that she is very intelligent but doesn't understand when to stop, you perhaps need to speak to her with her teachers about what she needs to do to hit the top grade boundaries for GCSE - they really aren't that difficult and if she is doing that much now, she has nowhere to go when it comes to A levels, which are massively massively more difficult and time consuming.

[Yamin151]

I have another son who does so little work at home we keep expecting him to come home with detentions for not doing homework, but he hasn't, and assures us he is doing it at school. His recent mocks didn't have anything less than an old A (7) and were mainly A* (8/9s) - he is bright but not the top of the year...

.

Yes, how ARE they doing this KCG???? Same here. I think the long bus journey must be proving very useful.......

[Eccentric]

I do worry for your DD Eccentric if she is working till 9pm just on GCSEs. Seriously. I have a very bright son who achieved across the board top grades and he certainly didn't work for GCSEs past 7pm - even on nights when he had after school clubs - and rarely did work at weekends, except in the last term. For A levels he tends to work till about 8pm every night and does a couple of hours over the weekend. I have another son who does so little work at home we keep expecting him to come home with detentions for not doing homework, but he hasn't, and assures us he is doing it at school. His recent mocks didn't have anything less than an old A (7) and were mainly A* (8/9s) - he is bright but not the top of the year...

If she feels the need to work for this many hours, is the level too hard for her? Or, do you think she is still affected by not passing the 11+ and feels the need to prove herself now she is in a Grammar School? Or if it is that she is very intelligent but doesn't understand when to stop, you perhaps need to speak to her with her teachers about what she needs to do to hit the top grade boundaries for GCSE - they really aren't that difficult and if she is doing that much now, she has nowhere to go when it comes to A levels, which are massively massively more difficult and time consuming.

I got past worrying about it a while ago now. She is definitely not struggling with the level of the work, she is doing extremely well. The school are aware. She simply enjoys it and taking it away is like taking video games away from another teenager. She is learning to regulate well. She wanted to work today but a friend called and she decided to go to the cinema instead. Yes she is definitely still affected by not passing the 11+ it was a humiliating experience for her and although she does now recognise that she was simply unprepared and probably too immature to take the exam it has definitely left it's legacy in regards to her confidence in achievements.

All people are different my older daughter was completely uninterested in working and completely flunked school and is still just as unmotivated in her job. I have brought them both up in a similar way so outside influences and genes play just as important a role as parenting. My partner was very similar to my younger daughter at school and did ridiculously well as a result and is now an academic. He is still an obsessive in many ways he keeps lists and records of everything.