Moving at the end of Year 8

[ourmaminhavana]

Hi, because my partner has been unable to get a job where I live despite trying for the last three years, we are seriously thinking of moving to his area. This is a very difficult decision as my daughter is very happy where she Is, has many friends and is doing well. I have a huge sense of residual Catholic guilt about moving her, but feel my partner and I cannot spend many more years going up and down the country. I have found an outstanding school which I will go and see, prior to taking dd. Are kids flexible? She's 13 and not very resilient, but very friendly and a lovely girl. Does anyone have any experience / advice re the pitfalls, and how to avoid them? How long in advance should I tell her? Should I not even contemplate a move? I just want to do the right thing....Thanks.

[kenyancowgirl]

Children are a lot more resilient than they are given credit for and if she is a friendly girl then that will stand her in good stead. See wat you think of the school - can you see her being happy there? Does it do things she is interested in? Do they have a guaranteed space for her? Y8 is still early enough that friendship groups are still fairly fluid (often schools move tutor groups around in Y8, for example).

Generally if parents are happy, children are happy.

[ourmaminhavana]

Thanks Kenyancowgirl ( there's clearly a story there!) I've checked that they have places and offer German which she loves. I need to see it to get a real feel for it ( and have also posted on the Trafford board, lest someone is familiar with it) It's so hard to know how she will settle, and whether to start her at the end of May so she has chance to make friends before the summer, or the end of the year when she would start year 9? Also, how much notice to give her? I want her to have chance to mentally prepare, but I think uncertainty would unsettle her too. Thanks for responding! I really appreciate your reassurance.

[loopylala]

whether to start her at the end of May so she has chance to make friends before the summer, or the end of the year when she would start year 9?

Does the school run a 2 or 3 year GCSE course? It might be worth discussing this with the school to ensure they can accommodate your DCs GCSE choices.

If you delay moving your DC until the start of year 9, how likely is it that there will still be an available place for your DC?

[ourmaminhavana]

Hi Loopylala,
They begin them in Year 9, as does her current school and I couldn't go through the charade of choosing options, if she wasn't going to be there. When I spoke to the school, they gave the impression that either start date would be ok. I think if it's happening, better to just do it, but am unsure? I think being unsettled and still to come is the worst thing and having another summer here would be awful, knowing that we were leaving. However, would that final half term be long enough for her to make any friends, otherwise she'd just stew everything over during the summer and it would be even worse.

[kenyancowgirl]

I think there is a lot of merit in moving before the summer so that she has friends to meet up with over the summer and going back (to the new school) in Y9 won't seem such a big thing then. You can always arrange for her best friends from her old school to come and stay for a few days over the summer - their parents would probably be glad of the break and it helps to show her the new area if she has an old friend to explore it with.

It would also allow her to meet the teachers she would have for her GCSEs before she actually starts the courses. If it was Y6 I would say let her stay and finish all the "nice" end of year things like the play and the Y6 residential etc etc but Y8 is one of those middly years, where not a lot special happens.

Yes there is a danger that she doesn't like it but then you have the summer to show her around the area - all the exciting things on offer and hopefully the memories of the old school will fade.

[KB]

If you have the offer of a place at a good school then go for it. No one can predict how your DD will get on where she is v. moving her but you have very sound reasons for making the move. In the medium term you are providing her with more stability by being more settled yourself.

I also agree that to move in May is the better option. She will have time to get to know the school before the serious work begins in year 9. There may be school exams in the summer term but allowances will be made and otherwise the term will probably be fairly low key.

Generally scary things are better just got on with, the waiting can be the worst bit so another reason not to delay.

+1 for inviting close friend(s) for a few days in the holiday. It might also help her realise she isnt cut off from her old friends by the move.

Expect some turbulence but remember that teenagers can be tricky so staying put probably wouldn't have been plain sailing either!

[ourmaminhavana]

Thank you both very much for your sound advice and for mentioning things I hadn't even thought of, like exams!
Thanks KCG, yes I'd already thought having her friends up would be good for her, but there's also a (paid for) PGL trip...

In the medium term you are providing her with more stability by being more settled yourself.

KP I appreciate you making this point, as I hadn't even though of it in those terms, just that I was being selfish.

Generally scary things are better just got on with, the waiting can be the worst bit so another reason not to delay.

This is how I feel, but I haven't even told her yet, or my ex who lives in Cambridge, but comes up to see her once a fortnight. In fact, the reason he has quite recently confirmed that he has no intention of getting a job here, is a key factor which has made me feel that maybe I can move. His new partner is in London, and I have already checked that there's a direct train and plenty of opportunity to maintain their relationship. Is that enough notice? I wanted to see the school myself first, prior to taking her round, but should I take her round if we have little choice and this school, on paper at least, sounds nurturing, good results and a positive place?

[KB]

Tricky one!
Have you asked the school if you can visit twice?

Its a balancing act between you being the adult and making wise decisions and letting her feel she has input to decisions that impact her.

If you visit and the school is unsuitable do you have other options or would you delay moving?

I definitely wouldn't expect her to up sticks without the opportunity to visit the school at some point.

[ourmaminhavana]

To be honest, no, I haven't asked if I can visit twice. We'd delay moving, as the school situation is really important to me. That's why I really wanted to go by myself first, to make sure it was ok! Am really hoping someone might respond on the Trafford board too, who is familiar with the school.
My initial aim was to show her a few, but we decided that we can't afford indie fees which would have been the other option, and there isn't really another good option there with a place in the area. I don't want to put her in a 11-16 which would necessitate another change. In fact, the availability of a place at this school is one reason for choosing that area.
Yes, she'd definitely need to see it, but I fear that however good it is, she's going to be determined not to like it. Plus, to be fair, it will be full of unfamiliar strangers who all look settled with their friends, looking through her eyes. I'm going to check whether they have some sort of buddy system, but the admissions lady was very positive when I phoned about her being able to settle in well and they seem very strong on the pastoral side which is a big factor, as well as doing well academically.