Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
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Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
Oh so hard to advise when we don't know the situation at all.
I would look at it this way if it was my child. I send my children to school to learn things. If they weren't learning anything, or learning to learn, and they were getting nothing else of benefit from the experience, I wouldn't send them there. Believe me, I've come pretty close to that more than once with my children's current school, and that's without SEN to factor in. So you have my greatest sympathy.
I also know that some schools are very hard to "change" - whatever you say or do you are just going to get the same answer one way or another, even if on the surface they looked like they were going to "do the right thing".
If I knew of a school that would suit my child better, and educate them better, and had a place, I'd use it.
Is there any way that your son, no doubt being a bright spark, is somehow getting himself back to where he wants to be (his old school?)??
I don't know why this is working out so unfairly for you. Sometimes things do. Also, children's behaviour, SEN or not, is partly set by habit. I always feel it's better to avoid the situations that bring out the worst in your child unless you feel that longer term this is going to be useful learning experience.
The trouble is with the SEN process that it has some very highly qualified people who do the "diagnosis", but then the support that you finally receive as a result of the diagnosis might not be from someone who is expert at educating a child with that particular diagnosis.
The diagnoses of a lot of these conditions are a bit pseudo-scientific at times too.
Is the battle you seem to be having with this current school more or less inconvenient than sending your child back to the first school - of course you must have had a reason for moving the whole family to this second school - is it a better school in some ways?
I would look at it this way if it was my child. I send my children to school to learn things. If they weren't learning anything, or learning to learn, and they were getting nothing else of benefit from the experience, I wouldn't send them there. Believe me, I've come pretty close to that more than once with my children's current school, and that's without SEN to factor in. So you have my greatest sympathy.
I also know that some schools are very hard to "change" - whatever you say or do you are just going to get the same answer one way or another, even if on the surface they looked like they were going to "do the right thing".
If I knew of a school that would suit my child better, and educate them better, and had a place, I'd use it.
Is there any way that your son, no doubt being a bright spark, is somehow getting himself back to where he wants to be (his old school?)??
I don't know why this is working out so unfairly for you. Sometimes things do. Also, children's behaviour, SEN or not, is partly set by habit. I always feel it's better to avoid the situations that bring out the worst in your child unless you feel that longer term this is going to be useful learning experience.
The trouble is with the SEN process that it has some very highly qualified people who do the "diagnosis", but then the support that you finally receive as a result of the diagnosis might not be from someone who is expert at educating a child with that particular diagnosis.
The diagnoses of a lot of these conditions are a bit pseudo-scientific at times too.
Is the battle you seem to be having with this current school more or less inconvenient than sending your child back to the first school - of course you must have had a reason for moving the whole family to this second school - is it a better school in some ways?
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Devoted-dad
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Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
well, this is gettin complex now and parents partnership is gettin involved and we hope for the best.
the reason why DS is keen on old school, its becos he was familiar there with all teaching staff including the diner ladies, and he was much loved and appreciated. we feel guilty for moving him retrospectively,because hes was never gettin into trouble and he had alot of friends there.
the current school is larger school, excellent ofsted report, and alot of target setting and continual development for pupils,so we felt all of the children would be better of there.
I hope the school is not playing some sloppy politics with my DS, because we're reluctant to seek legal advice, because we believe no school should be subject of legal matters which will distruct the teachers and cause unnecessary upheavels.
as it stands now, we said if they send DS home, they must make it officially and send letter home within 24hrs, others we shall seek legal advice,and i hope they take heed. lets hope for logic and fairness now.
the reason why DS is keen on old school, its becos he was familiar there with all teaching staff including the diner ladies, and he was much loved and appreciated. we feel guilty for moving him retrospectively,because hes was never gettin into trouble and he had alot of friends there.
the current school is larger school, excellent ofsted report, and alot of target setting and continual development for pupils,so we felt all of the children would be better of there.
I hope the school is not playing some sloppy politics with my DS, because we're reluctant to seek legal advice, because we believe no school should be subject of legal matters which will distruct the teachers and cause unnecessary upheavels.
as it stands now, we said if they send DS home, they must make it officially and send letter home within 24hrs, others we shall seek legal advice,and i hope they take heed. lets hope for logic and fairness now.
Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
Good luck with it all, and I hope it works out. I know you have chosen this school for the best of reasons, but yes it could be "sloppy politics", or maybe not so sloppy politics. You might be right in law, but you are not going to change someone's teaching methods or feelings about your son by using the law, unfortunately. You might get them to stop the silly sending home of your son, but will that still get to the root of the problem do you think?
Sorry to sound negative, and I really hope it does work out for him at the current school as it is great upheaval he and the rest of you have all been through. However, you do know that the other school is still there, and that your son behaved better there. It's a fact worth clinging to whether you keep your son at the current school or shift him back. Do you think next year's teacher will suit him better? You're nearly 2/3 of the way through this year.
Sorry to sound negative, and I really hope it does work out for him at the current school as it is great upheaval he and the rest of you have all been through. However, you do know that the other school is still there, and that your son behaved better there. It's a fact worth clinging to whether you keep your son at the current school or shift him back. Do you think next year's teacher will suit him better? You're nearly 2/3 of the way through this year.
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Devoted-dad
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Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
We hope to see changes in how the school deals with DS, but i hope is not a ''superficial'' one, lucking honesty and integrity but if we could know why some responsible person(s) behave in the way they do, i would used this criteria so that my DS is not exposed or treated in a such way...but thats how it is for now (there are things that we know that we do not know: 
next year, he will be year six, and if the yr continues this way, we shall certainly move him back to old school, no child deserves to treated with contempt.
next year, he will be year six, and if the yr continues this way, we shall certainly move him back to old school, no child deserves to treated with contempt.
Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
Quite, and neither do you deserve to be treated with contempt. However, you have other children at the school, and it would seem that it is serving them well, so you maybe you cannot tackle this problem in the same "no holds barred" way that you might if your son was your last child at the school and leaving in 16 months to boot. Let's hope Parent Partnership can help you to make a difference to your son's education in the short-term, rather than some long formal process that won't have any practical effect before your son has left.
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Devoted-dad
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Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
yes mystery, i think we're singing from the same hym sheet.. we have 3 other children at the same school, and honestly so far i have never spared to praise the school and some teachers how they have helped DS, But it seems and i hope am wrong ''sloppy'' politics has a hand in it.
Parent partnership has offered to help and participate with us in the forthcomin meetings, and i shall keep you all informed in the coming days and weeks ahead.
i wish there was a working formula to solve this...
Parent partnership has offered to help and participate with us in the forthcomin meetings, and i shall keep you all informed in the coming days and weeks ahead.
i wish there was a working formula to solve this...
Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
Hi, I'm coming late to this discussion and am shocked that so little seems to be being done to help your DS settle at school and access the curriculum.
What strikes me is that the school says "jump" (i.e. come and get him) and you say "how high" (this is not a criticism of you, in the same situation I would be at the school in a shot) - what would they do if there was no adult available to drop everything and collect him from school? They couldn't just send him home alone, they would have to find some way of managing the behaviour that they deem too challenging to cope with. It sounds like your DS is being used as a pawn in a much bigger battle and that just not fair .
What strikes me is that the school says "jump" (i.e. come and get him) and you say "how high" (this is not a criticism of you, in the same situation I would be at the school in a shot) - what would they do if there was no adult available to drop everything and collect him from school? They couldn't just send him home alone, they would have to find some way of managing the behaviour that they deem too challenging to cope with. It sounds like your DS is being used as a pawn in a much bigger battle and that just not fair
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Devoted-dad
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Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
Hi andyb
thanks for your view, but indeed we jump high, high, and so far by gettin to the school as soon as they ask to collect DS.. infact, we have asked everything they've asked to do, what have they done for DS? nothing? just failing and breaching his statutory rights as SEN pupil. They reason why we're acting so diplomatically, its because,we have three other children at this school, and hence we protecting them from ''undue stress'' ( i hope you can read between the lines here).
Any repeat of previous mistakes (i.e come and get DS) is completely out of brackets now, and they would have to follow SEN disciplinary policy...period.
By involving Parent Partnership here, we would to resolve this amicably, but if my DS is over-strecthed and alot of pressure put on him (critising him for every little poor behaviour), then we ought to seek a proper alternative that protects and safeguards him.
thanks for your view, but indeed we jump high, high, and so far by gettin to the school as soon as they ask to collect DS.. infact, we have asked everything they've asked to do, what have they done for DS? nothing? just failing and breaching his statutory rights as SEN pupil. They reason why we're acting so diplomatically, its because,we have three other children at this school, and hence we protecting them from ''undue stress'' ( i hope you can read between the lines here).
Any repeat of previous mistakes (i.e come and get DS) is completely out of brackets now, and they would have to follow SEN disciplinary policy...period.
By involving Parent Partnership here, we would to resolve this amicably, but if my DS is over-strecthed and alot of pressure put on him (critising him for every little poor behaviour), then we ought to seek a proper alternative that protects and safeguards him.
Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
Does your son's statement bring any extra resources into the school, or just "extra demands" on the school?
You said in an earlier post there were 770 children 130 of whom are SEN. This is nearly 20% of the school. Is it "true" or is it one of those things that makes their "added value" look better by overstating SEN ......... being cynical here but it might be possible. If it is true, there must surely be at least one other child with similarish needs to yours maybe so the school should have a bit more idea how to handle the situation than would appear to be the case?
It's a puzzle isn't it.
You said in an earlier post there were 770 children 130 of whom are SEN. This is nearly 20% of the school. Is it "true" or is it one of those things that makes their "added value" look better by overstating SEN ......... being cynical here but it might be possible. If it is true, there must surely be at least one other child with similarish needs to yours maybe so the school should have a bit more idea how to handle the situation than would appear to be the case?
It's a puzzle isn't it.
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Devoted-dad
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Re: Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.
hi mystery,
yes the school and we the parent has asked LA to add extra provisions added to DS statement as his needs has changed and we re hopeful this would be acceptable to the LA.
Therefore this changes will bring extra provisions/budget to the school to deal with DS situation..and reducing extra resources utilised on him that was not previously ear-marked for him.
we re doing verything possible to work with the school, but we feel they are falling short on their part and i cant challenge hard, because we dont want the school to ''pick'' on my other children..this is the puzzle!!!!!
yes the school and we the parent has asked LA to add extra provisions added to DS statement as his needs has changed and we re hopeful this would be acceptable to the LA.
Therefore this changes will bring extra provisions/budget to the school to deal with DS situation..and reducing extra resources utilised on him that was not previously ear-marked for him.
we re doing verything possible to work with the school, but we feel they are falling short on their part
and i cant challenge hard, because we dont want the school to ''pick'' on my other children..this is the puzzle!!!!!