My son is at QE and I am a SENCO at a different school. When we went on our tour, we happened to be escorted by the current SENCO. They didn't, at that point, have any EHCP students at the school but she indicated that there were a number of students who might be considered to be on the autistic spectrum who were happy in the school. However, it is a school that relies on students following instructions and complying with the rules and this is stressed at all parent events.
Having said this, all and any school must demonstrate that it is and has made reasonable adjustments to its policies and procedures to take account of special needs and this must include behavioural support. Indeed, schools should treat EHCP/SEN students more favourably, if necessary, to enable them to manage within the school environment. In my school, this manifests as a parallel behaviour policy with a couple more steps and an emphasis on learning breaks and reflection rather than immediate consequences and silent, inactive detentions. In addition, identified students can bring fidget toys into lessons and can reasonably expect differentiated homework and visual as well as verbal instructions.
Your friend's approach is right - meet the SENCO and gauge their attitude. Whilst she should have high expectations of 'how' a school should behave, at the end of the day, she shouldn't sacrifice her child's wellbeing. A talented and hard working child will do well at any school; a child with EHCP/special needs will only do well at a school that is inclusive and supportive of their individual support requirements.
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