Enviousness and competitiveness amongst mothers regarding ..

[natnats]

At the school my DS attends there are three camps....snooty mums who overindulge their children and don't speak to anyone who is not part of their inner circle..............footballer wife new money types who simply like the idea of little Chloe/Kai in a fancy indie school uniform..........and the rest of us.

The snooty ones never spoke to me much at all but as my son always scored top in Maths they would speak to me when then needed info........what books/tutors are you using for 11+..........what was the homework for the Easter holiday.........how did he get on in the 11+.............that sort of stuff. Sometimes I would just give them the wrong information accidentally on purpose.

The new monies didnt talk to me as I dont drive a Porshe Cayenne and carry a Prada bag.

Many of the snooty mums didnt believe I used to work as a City lawyer as I spend my days in jeans and a baseball hat and dont take myself too seriously and they would actually try to "test" me to see if I knew of this partner/associate in this or that particular firm. Thank god I passed their little tests .........if not my life would not have been worth living


All pretty pathetic really.

[rubyhettybetty]

Mine's worse - my sister and I have DCs in the same school year - her son is Sept baby so a lot older than my June born DD...he goes to a good state school and it bright whereas we feel a bit let down by our school...anyway, DD has been to a group tutor session for over a year now but not getting far, but sister insists on spouting off to all and sundry about us 'putting her through this' maintaining she will be happy with any school for my nephew. No doubt he will pass and my DD won't and then I will REALLY get it - despite ALL THAT tutoring etc etc etc ...

[mystery]

I haven't (yet) experienced this 11+ issue causing parental divides as my children are too young, but I can imagine it happening. I think I've been unlucky with the group of parents in my first child's class (the parents in the second lot are much different) and this is the kind of childish behaviour that is likely to happen. It's OK for us parents - we can be philosophical and just shake it off as we have plenty more anchors than disingenuous school mums - but unfortunately it does have consequences for children. Some children can get sidelined because of the actions or chitchat of other parents, and some children learn nasty habits from parents who are only "fairweather" friends.


I have volunteered with a small group of year 6s who had all passed the 11+ and they were all a bit nasty to the child in the group who had had the most tutoring - although the ringleader was one whose father had made her do a paper every day throughout the summer holidays. So I'm guessing that if the kids are like this the parents probably are too, and that there must be worse friction between the did pass / didn't pass brigades.

[Fran17]

In my experience this sort of behaviour isn't confined to those whose children are taking the eleven plus. I once heard a Dad at my son's school saying he wouldn't send a dog to grammar as all they did was churn out robots. He viewed the local Indie to be far superior. Strangely enough, although he had no intention of his son attending grammar, he sat the eleven plus. Why??? A friend of mine was extremely upset when her son was alienated by some of his close friends in his year six at primary because he opted to go to a different Comprehensive from them. This was supported by one of the Mums who arranged for the boys going to the other school to get together on several occasions, leaving my friend's son out, even though up until that point their sons had been 'best friends'.

I agree with an earlier post, this sort of behaviour surely must be passed down from parent to child. Isn't it great that we don't all want the same thing. There is a lot to be said for having your own mind and being an individual.

[lurker]

My son has had this Fran, he has been completely isolated socially and it is down to the behaviour of one mother who unfortunately works at the school too.
It has ruined his last year and I have been shocked at some parents attitudes - so much so that I am considering pulling him out for the last term.
Roll on September- can't come quickly enough for us.

[Fran17]

Oh I really feel for you and your son lurker. It is beyond me how petty some adults can be and completely disregard the affect something like this could have on a child. My friend's son went on to his secondary school and made lots of new friends and couldn't be happier. I think the approach she took was to keep telling her son that the so called best friend and his Mum had a lack of loyalty and good character and why would they want to be friends with them anyway. Her son is a lovely lad and has a great group of friends - maybe he learnt to choose his friends at senior school carefully.

Hopefully, this will blow over with the school year coming to an end and maybe you can do a bit of organising of your own. I hope things improve.

[natnats]

I too feel for your son lurker. I took my son out of school for a few days last term as the kids were making his life awful. Some call it character building.......I call it just being plain nasty.

These kids are smart enough to know what they are doing and seem to thrive on being as nasty as possible to each other. My DS goes to a church school so you would hope the teachings in terms of kindness etc etc would rub off on the children. No such luck................when I hear how some of the children speak to their parents and some even steal from them and the parents do nothing about it........it is little wonder they can be so nasty to each other......just wait till they become teenagers .

[lurker]

Natnats- will you send your son back? I am in such a dilemma- feel ill at the thought of sending him in, kept him off today.

I have a teenage daughter, was hoping a boy might be easier in teenage years?!

[Fran17]

natnats that is exactly what my friend did, she took her son out for a few days towards the end of the summer term as a treat and took him to a couple of the places he enjoyed visiting.

lurker - a word of caution for all the spineless Mums who are following the crowd. If the Mum who works at your son's school can treat your son in this way, there is no reason why she won't do it to others when they all go off to the same school. I think you and your son are the lucky ones to get away from them. My sons didn't know anyone at their senior schools when they started. They have all found a lovely group of friends and are, thank goodness, very happy. I am sure you will be able to say the same about your son after he has been at his new school for a few months.

Is there a possibility of speaking to a member of staff at your son's school, you don't have to mention any names - maybe their form tutor can speak to the class as a whole. Sometimes it can be a bit of a wakeup call for the children who don't really want to be nasty and are just following the crowd.

[lurker]

It is unfortunate that she works there( not as teacher though), it is also a small one form per year school, so really difficult if the group isolates one child.
One parent has been very supportive but understandably won't rock the boat for her own child.

I don't feel comfortable even going in to the school any more-it is interesting that this seems quite common in year six ( and quite sad).