How soon did you get over bad exam news?

[overanxious]

Isn't the comprehensive uniform as nice?

Was she keen on the grammar and is putting on a brave face for you?

From her point of view the comp uniform is much better, because it's just a sweatshirt, poloshirt and black skirt. The grammar uniform is very traditional with a blazer etc. It's just that you have to make a special trip to the very old-fashioned school outfitters. You know, a bit of a rite of passage trying on the hideous long skirt!

She was keen on the grammar because that's where her sister goes, and her sister has talked about it as though it was a given that she would pass and go there. And of course she's been to brilliant musical things, and seen the older girls raising cash for amazing trips to places like South America. On the other hand, almost all her friends will be going to the comp, including her best friend who also failed the exam. And we know the school quite well because our primary holds Christmas and summer proms there, and we use some of the rooms for an extra-curricular activity she does.

Thank you all for letting me moan on a bit here. Push-pull-mum: When somebody's dad told me that his (lovely) daughter had passed I was so overwhelmed by jealousy and bitterness Not a side of myself that I'm very proud of, and admitting those feelings was making me feel like a terrible person.

[Looking for help]

My son is in Y9 now, and although on the whole I would say I have got over the disappointment, there are days when I get really annoyed (again )

Like when I have to visit the grammar for one of my others' parent's evenings, or events, I usually try to trip up a teacher or two, as if it were their fault

It's like anything else that didn't work out - and you know how much you have invested in trying to get your child to the school, and how much it meant to you.

Our experience of the comprehensive school my son goes to has been on the whole pretty positive - he's in tops sets for all those subjects that are set, his friends are mostly in those same sets, and he seems to being stretched and doing well, he hasn't been getting into trouble, and fingers crossed that is how it will remain. A high acheiving comeprehensive is a product of pupils with lots of ability, a lower acheiving comprehensive is a product of the fact that many pupils are of lower ability - this does not necessarily mean that the staff are not doing their job, and that there is no chance of A/A* especially if you're in a local authority that is not totally selective.



Good luck

[starmum2000]

Just wanted to add that going to a different school as her sister might not be a bad thing.
I followed my sister to Grammar School (not sure I'd actually have passed in this day & age!) but was not as clever as her.
I spent many days following in her footsteps, being called by her name , and even began all-important senior parent's evenings with, 'Oh, how is your other daughter getting on at University?'
I'm by no means saying that all schools will be like this, but as my DS1 seems to be quite a high-flyer I think I'd rather DS2 went his own way where no-one knew his brother & therefore had no expectations.
Just my thoughts

[push-pull-mum]

Thank you all for letting me moan on a bit here. Push-pull-mum: When somebody's dad told me that his (lovely) daughter had passed I was so overwhelmed by jealousy and bitterness Not a side of myself that I'm very proud of, and admitting those feelings was making me feel like a terrible person.

I'm sure you're not a terrible person. My moment of jealousy was when DD had to help another girl with the laces on her dancing shoes and I'm there inwardly fuming -
"How can this child have got in to the Grammar and not my daughter? My daughter worked out how to do laces when she was 5!"
Said child is lovely and I've known her since she was 3, and she's now very happy and doing fine at the Grammar and she and DD are still friends and I no longer feel any desire to say to her mum - "And so it was worth 3 hours of tutoring a week after all, wasn't it? Pity we can't all afford that!"


Honest.

It gets better. And I firmly believe that a child who can thrive in a Comprehensive will leave with invaluable life skills they could not learn anywhere else.

[copella]

My DS is now in y9 and I don't think I have ever gotten over him not getting into the grammars around here even though they are super selectives and extremely difficult to get into. He is doing well at his comp, is friends with a greater variety of people than he would have been and is very happy but i cant help but feel jealous of friends whose children made it. The schools facilities, trips etc put the local comp in the shade. I feel my DS could be pushed more but over time I have become more relaxed about things. I can even say his school name with some conviction. I know he will do well and the school have responded to any problems which have emerged. So overall it gets better but it is difficult to really put it behind especially if it was something you really wanted . The what ifs have an annoying pattern of creeping up on you.

[Rob Clark]

We had the same experience as looking for help 2 years ago – older DC/s at high achieving GS, younger DC expected to pass, horrendous time at appeal etc etc. DD went to local secondary modern and is thriving, teachers seem keen to encourage the brighter students rather than focus solely on those on the D/C boundary, she gets given extension work both in and out of class and there is definitely competition among her classmates over grades. DD has gravitated towards a like-minded set of friends who are all planning to go to university and study subjects such as medicine, architecture and engineering.

We’re probably lucky in that we never have cause to visit the girls GS so aren’t assailed by thoughts of ‘what if…’ but DD keeps up with 2 good friends that are there, and doesn’t appear to be getting taught anything markedly different from them. The pace of classroom teaching is slightly slower but they make up for that with reams of extra homework.

As for getting over it, well if I’m brutally honest our experience left me with an abiding hatred of the appeal system. But not of the 11+ per se, nor of the fact that DD does not go to a GS.

[Looking for help]

As for getting over it, well if I’m brutally honest our experience left me with an abiding hatred of the appeal system. But not of the 11+ per se, nor of the fact that DD does not go to a GS.

I do think we need to find some sort of therapy class, you know. We really really should be moving on

[push-pull-mum]

As for getting over it, well if I’m brutally honest our experience left me with an abiding hatred of the appeal system. But not of the 11+ per se, nor of the fact that DD does not go to a GS.

I do think we need to find some sort of therapy class, you know. We really really should be moving on

My middle sister 'failed' 11+ in 1976. My mother tells me you never quite get over it.

But then she also still blames most things on Thatcher snatching the free school milk so she has definite "closure" issues.

[Looking for help]

But then she also still blames most things on Thatcher snatching the free school milk so she has definite "closure" issues.

My daughter has been taught that Thatcher was the milk snatcher

I hadn't quite remembered that, myself, however, any excuse......

But seriously though, it is the measure of the size of the schools decision, that so many are unhappy, and still just annoyed after such a while

[push-pull-mum]

But seriously though, it is the measure of the size of the schools decision, that so many are unhappy, and still just annoyed after such a while

It's the about the only thing (thankfully) that we can't go back and put right for our children.

But it does work out in the end.
Promise.
Sister that didn't get the Grammar has ended up with a degree and a good job and a happy life and really doesn't seem any different from the rest of us who went to the Grammars.