Help..What should I do ??
Moderators: Section Moderators, Forum Moderators
Re: Help..What should I do ??
Well people we just did our first half hours work together (I really thought he would have changed his mind this morning !!!! 
).., and it went ok, he did an online synomon test and actually did quite well. He has even said he will have another go this afternoon.
So really looks this will be me on here for another year then
Really must get him to read more, so off to find him some books now.............oh he is busy playing on the wii !!
).., and it went ok, he did an online synomon test and actually did quite well. He has even said he will have another go this afternoon.So really looks this will be me on here for another year then
Really must get him to read more, so off to find him some books now.............oh he is busy playing on the wii !!
Re: Help..What should I do ??
..and there the dream ended..and reality struck !!
After having a battle with my ds to do his homework this morning, which he moaned about the whole time...I told him some home truths...that there was absolutely no way he would get into the grammar school, or even if he did by some miracle he really wouldn't survive in there.
As I thought all along...my two kids are sooooooo different, one loves to work, and will quite happily stay in her bedroom all weekend to do homework(which she is currently doing) the other likes to get by with the minimal amount of effort.
So anyway, I really think I am doing the right thing here my giving up.....I want my child to be happy...and the rest of the family...dont want a shouting match for the rest a whole year, as I dont beleive anyone would benefit from that.
After having a battle with my ds to do his homework this morning, which he moaned about the whole time...I told him some home truths...that there was absolutely no way he would get into the grammar school, or even if he did by some miracle he really wouldn't survive in there.
As I thought all along...my two kids are sooooooo different, one loves to work, and will quite happily stay in her bedroom all weekend to do homework(which she is currently doing) the other likes to get by with the minimal amount of effort.
So anyway, I really think I am doing the right thing here my giving up.....I want my child to be happy...and the rest of the family...dont want a shouting match for the rest a whole year, as I dont beleive anyone would benefit from that.
-
First-timer
- Posts: 698
- Joined: Wed Sep 23, 2009 1:47 pm
- Location: Essex
Re: Help..What should I do ??
You may be right. I just don't know. It does seem like a decision taken in anger, though. Maybe you both need some time to let things settle and have a serious two way discussion.
Lots of boys need more pushing than girls. It might be that you will need to harangue him in order to get him into the school that he wants. He'll thank you for it later if you do manage to help him there. If it does get too much for him, he needs to realise that for himself, otherwise he'll think you just gave up on him.
I don't envy your position and I don't know what your son's chances are but please don't do/say anything in haste. There are plenty of ups and downs in 11+ prep. This can be particularly so when you go down the diy route as emotions can get the better of you. Maybe you could try sending him to a tutor and see how he gets on then?
Good luck!
Lots of boys need more pushing than girls. It might be that you will need to harangue him in order to get him into the school that he wants. He'll thank you for it later if you do manage to help him there. If it does get too much for him, he needs to realise that for himself, otherwise he'll think you just gave up on him.
I don't envy your position and I don't know what your son's chances are but please don't do/say anything in haste. There are plenty of ups and downs in 11+ prep. This can be particularly so when you go down the diy route as emotions can get the better of you. Maybe you could try sending him to a tutor and see how he gets on then?
Good luck!
Re: Help..What should I do ??
Oh, Bustwinks..I've been there with both my boys . The first was fairly amenable to the work, but at times I did want to screech like a banshee in his ear and my current DS can be a nightmare at times and I feel like just jacking it all in quite regularly.I've told him there's no point, but then he will work well and really make strides and I feel bad for even contemplating not continuing. I agree with Firsttimer....it does sound like a decision made where you are feeling frustrated and fed up. How does DS feel ? You've only just started and now you've bought all the books !
It depends what the other options are...if you think he really might be suited to a different type of school, after all we don't know your son. I've got a feeling this year is going to cause some disruption to the family as a whole...but it will go quickly I'm sure.
Boys can need chivvying along. My DD actually takes all the 11 plus books and tries to complete them herself which drives DS mad. ...it does motivate him to work though, so maybe you can borrow her once a week !
It depends what the other options are...if you think he really might be suited to a different type of school, after all we don't know your son. I've got a feeling this year is going to cause some disruption to the family as a whole...but it will go quickly I'm sure.
Boys can need chivvying along. My DD actually takes all the 11 plus books and tries to complete them herself which drives DS mad. ...it does motivate him to work though, so maybe you can borrow her once a week !
Re: Help..What should I do ??
Thank you Scarlett and first timer for your comments.
I haven't given up completely, I have said that I am more than willing to help him with some extra school work etc, and that we would review it again in March when his school report comes out. I told him that if his sat results improve (dramatically!!) then we will reconsider the grammar school option. As I have said there is no way I would put him in for the exam if I didn't feel he was up for it.
The trouble is down south here it is quite a tough test, with maths, comprehension, essay writing and VR...if it was just VR and NRV I might have felt different
Calm has been resumed in this house
I am not going down this route...sorry, in my opion if he needs turtoring then Grammar school is not the place for him.Maybe you could try sending him to a tutor and see how he gets on then?
Lol When I bought a couple of bond books back from the shop my DD was straight there with"oh Mum please can I do them, I love these books, why didn't you get me any!!"whilst DS was..yeah I'll have a look later.My DD actually takes all the 11 plus books and tries to complete them herself
I haven't given up completely, I have said that I am more than willing to help him with some extra school work etc, and that we would review it again in March when his school report comes out. I told him that if his sat results improve (dramatically!!) then we will reconsider the grammar school option. As I have said there is no way I would put him in for the exam if I didn't feel he was up for it.
The trouble is down south here it is quite a tough test, with maths, comprehension, essay writing and VR...if it was just VR and NRV I might have felt different
Calm has been resumed in this house
Re: Help..What should I do ??
The thing is , if it was just VR and NVR...he still has to do maths, literacy etc once at Grammar , so maybe there is another school he might be suited to if you feel he's not very strong in these subjects. What are the other options ? What are his sats ...grammar school material ? My boys sats were not great when they entered year 5 but they exceeded the expectations really quickly with the one to one and DS1 has remained at the top end and isn't struggling at Grammar. He does keep telling me about a boy who keeps getting 8 out of 100 in maths tests and I'm hoping it's not actually him !
Still, you know your boy...we don't so you will be able to see things we can't. Don't let huffy behaviour put you off though .My DS is the King Of Huffs but I just remain bright and breezy and he's learnt to keep it to himself
Still, you know your boy...we don't so you will be able to see things we can't. Don't let huffy behaviour put you off though .My DS is the King Of Huffs but I just remain bright and breezy and he's learnt to keep it to himself
-
First-timer
- Posts: 698
- Joined: Wed Sep 23, 2009 1:47 pm
- Location: Essex
Re: Help..What should I do ??
I'm pleased peace has been restored at home. My suggestion of hiring a tutor was simply to get around the issue of him huffing and puffing and you getting annoyed. Some children do better in a less personal setting. It's not really about him not being Grammar material if he needs to be tutored, as that is what you were doing with him yourself anyway. I don't know where you are, but in my area most of the Grammar pupils have been tutored, either by parents or by a paid tutor.
I tutored my DS myself and although I didn't run into any problems (it probably brought us even closer), I can imagine that I may well have done if it had gone on for a prolonged period of time or if I had an older DC to compare him to. I'm now starting the process with my DD and am being careful to point out that they have different strengths but that overall I think they are just as bright as each other (which is true). I think the stakes seem higher with a second/subsequent DC and it's easy to become unreasonable. I think we've all been tempted to blow our tops at some stage!
Another possibility is to enlist the help of your DD. Perhaps she could work through some papers with him? It's not something I've done and I appreciate it very much depends on the personalities involved, but it might be worth a try.
Good luck!
My suggestion of hiring a tutor was simply to get around the issue of him huffing and puffing and you getting annoyed. Some children do better in a less personal setting. It's not really about him not being Grammar material if he needs to be tutored, as that is what you were doing with him yourself anyway. I don't know where you are, but in my area most of the Grammar pupils have been tutored, either by parents or by a paid tutor. I tutored my DS myself and although I didn't run into any problems (it probably brought us even closer), I can imagine that I may well have done if it had gone on for a prolonged period of time or if I had an older DC to compare him to. I'm now starting the process with my DD and am being careful to point out that they have different strengths but that overall I think they are just as bright as each other (which is true). I think the stakes seem higher with a second/subsequent DC and it's easy to become unreasonable. I think we've all been tempted to blow our tops at some stage!
Another possibility is to enlist the help of your DD. Perhaps she could work through some papers with him? It's not something I've done and I appreciate it very much depends on the personalities involved, but it might be worth a try.
Good luck!
Re: Help..What should I do ??
Mmmmmmmm interesting. Have read the whole thing and sympathise. I can imagine doing the same thing myself ---- "if you don't do this homework now you'll never make it to grammar school, and you won't get a job, blah, blah, blah".
Maybe the fact you are so anti will make him want to do it more. I'm probably going to annoy you by saying this, but I don't quite understand your approach. Why would you not just let him try it? He might be a whole lot more intelligent than you think? Or is it a superselective and you have to have the highest score ever to get in? In which case there will be loads who bust a gut and don't get in, so still I can't see why you wouldn't let him try?
I haven't really understood why you are so opposed to him having a go if he wants to, even if he puts no work in. There's no entrance fee is there?
Message that comes across very strongly is that you think your son is pretty hopeless and there is no chance of change.
I feel the same about my children quite often!!
I'm sure you do not communicate this to your son. That's the worst feeling for him to have. I think a child should be able to do not a stroke of extra work throughout primary and still come out feeling they've got as good a chance as anyone of doing well, particularly if at some point they do start to work hard.
Maybe the fact you are so anti will make him want to do it more. I'm probably going to annoy you by saying this, but I don't quite understand your approach. Why would you not just let him try it? He might be a whole lot more intelligent than you think? Or is it a superselective and you have to have the highest score ever to get in? In which case there will be loads who bust a gut and don't get in, so still I can't see why you wouldn't let him try?
I haven't really understood why you are so opposed to him having a go if he wants to, even if he puts no work in. There's no entrance fee is there?
Message that comes across very strongly is that you think your son is pretty hopeless and there is no chance of change.
I feel the same about my children quite often!!I'm sure you do not communicate this to your son. That's the worst feeling for him to have. I think a child should be able to do not a stroke of extra work throughout primary and still come out feeling they've got as good a chance as anyone of doing well, particularly if at some point they do start to work hard.
Re: Help..What should I do ??
I have only just dipped into this thread BW but that phrase jumped put at me.bustwinks wrote:
I am not going down this route...sorry, in my opion if he needs turtoring then Grammar school is not the place for him.
Never underestimate what other parents are doing. Especially those who tell you that they are not tutoring. I learned this the hard way with DS1 whom I did not tutor. He did not get into the GS we wanted originally because of my ignorance and refusal to tutor. He is now in there, and flying high so there was never a question of his not being clever enough. The argument you mention is worthy - but it is not a level playing field. I now know that some parents are tutoring in one form or another as soon as their children start school.
By saying that if he needs tutoring he shouldn't be there you are failing to acknowledge that it will be a very rare child indeed who passes for GS without tutoring.
Which isn't to say do it - he's your son and you know best what will or will not suit him.
Good luck.
Re: Help..What should I do ??
Hi Mystery
I have just looked at his end of year 4 sats...not good, 3b for reading and writing and 3a for maths...just seems such a huge mountain to climb...!
Really annoying as he was at level 3 in his year 3 sats..did complain to the teacher that he seems to be going backwards
I really know I mustn't compare siblings, but the whole reason I put my dd into Grammar school was simply because I knew it was where she belonged, she was always at the top...worked hard...eager..blahh blahh....by the end of year 4 she was at 4a !
Perhaps it is just a boy thing AGGGHHHHHHHHH
Anyway to update...I have told him as long as he is willing, I will with him...have bought some books...but he has to try 100% at school, and that when the next parent evening comes up I want the teachers to tell me that he has worked really hard, I also said that I needed to see his marks rise.
My god I sound like such an ogar
...good so far as for the 1st time in ages he got 10 out of ten for his spellings.
I think my biggest problem with him is he hates reading novels....he just wont/cant do it. However give him an Asterex cartoon to read and he's gone for ages, also for his birthday we bought him the Tin Tin books...he loves them.
Right rant over again for a while...housework is calling
This is exactly the reason !Or is it a superselective and you have to have the highest score ever to get in? In which case there will be loads who bust a gut and don't get in,
I have just looked at his end of year 4 sats...not good, 3b for reading and writing and 3a for maths...just seems such a huge mountain to climb...!
Really annoying as he was at level 3 in his year 3 sats..did complain to the teacher that he seems to be going backwards
I really know I mustn't compare siblings, but the whole reason I put my dd into Grammar school was simply because I knew it was where she belonged, she was always at the top...worked hard...eager..blahh blahh....by the end of year 4 she was at 4a !
Perhaps it is just a boy thing AGGGHHHHHHHHH
Anyway to update...I have told him as long as he is willing, I will with him...have bought some books...but he has to try 100% at school, and that when the next parent evening comes up I want the teachers to tell me that he has worked really hard, I also said that I needed to see his marks rise.
My god I sound like such an ogar
...good so far as for the 1st time in ages he got 10 out of ten for his spellings.
I think my biggest problem with him is he hates reading novels....he just wont/cant do it. However give him an Asterex cartoon to read and he's gone for ages, also for his birthday we bought him the Tin Tin books...he loves them.
Right rant over again for a while...housework is calling
