Gifts/Treats for kids if they pass

[Amber]

Amber, she does a lot of Bo Staff, and they need to be a specific length in relation to height. You can buy them but they are quite expensive, as she is still growing she only get a cut off broom handle for now.

You know when you have that feeling that everyone else knows something you don't?

I'm guessing this is not that thing where little girls march along with tassels on sticks wearing very short skirts and white tights (can't even remember what that is called now) but maybe some kind of armed combat. My daughter is lethal enough without a weapon...best of luck with that SD .

[stroudydad]

Do you mean majorettes? You think that's bad, at her leavers assembly she did a sword form...

[RedVelvet]

You think that's bad, at her leavers assembly she did a sword form...

I will worn my boys to be on their best behaviour if they ever date a stroudygirl! Seriously cool!

[Peridot]

I agree with everyone about rewarding effort, not attainment. Straight after the test my DD and two friends who also sat the GS exam had lunch out in their choice of restaurant with the three mums, so that we could all say phew, it's over, well done.

The saddest story I heard on this topic was that of a child my DD met at a mock test, who had been given a kitten and was told it would be taken away from her if she did not pass. What is wrong with people???

[Pumpkin Pie]

The saddest story I heard on this topic was that of a child my DD met at a mock test, who had been given a kitten and was told it would be taken away from her if she did not pass. What is wrong with people???

OMG......that's dreadful!

[UmSusu]

I don't see that there is anything wrong with buying them a present if they pass, if that is what you want to do. Yes, effort should absolutely be rewarded and any post-exam treat is well-deserved, but it is good to celebrate achievement too. How you celebrate that achievement is up to you: it might be a token celebration treat or a gift that they would remember was a result of getting a place/passing.

The only thing I would caution against is telling them in advance that they will get a particular gift only if they pass, as you might not get the result you expect. I gave both DS a treat and an expensive gift after they came out of their exams. After results, it was a family celebration and chocolate (and an app ). Had I not spent so much on the post-exam treat, I would have been happy to buy him a gift - without any form of guilt whatsoever.

[neveragain*]

When my daughter got almost entirely full marks and full ums at AS I gave her -

Drum roll....

A packet of Jaffa cakes ( she loves them) and a big hug.

What more can a girl want? After all, the reward was her success....and I'm keen for my children it learn inherent motivation......

Sits on hands, bites tongue along with others......

[KhadijahA-R]

Another side of this is not to play it down too much if your child does pass. I speak form bitter personal experience. I was made to feel guilty about doing well. I never showed off, but obviously I was happy about it. My parents never let me actually enjoy the good feeling of achievement.
It was upsetting and confusing.

[UmSusu]

Completely agree, Khadija. There seem to be a lot of people getting pleasure and a sense of superiority by sitting on their hands and biting their tongues though

The issue here was an OP asking about gifts/treats on passing an exam. Most of the replies still acknowledge they gave some sort of reward, even if it wasn't financial. So is it spending money on children that is the problem? Most parents are sensible enough to emphasise the effort side anyway.

Rewarding success does not equate to spoiling children or diminishing the reward of the success itself. Nor would it de-motivate them. The only difficulty is setting up a situation where there is no acknowledgement of effort or a reward is obviously witheld and makes a child feel like a failure. Whilst it does need to cost, there is nothing wrong with it if an acknowledgement of a success does cost money. When I was granted my PhD scholarship, it was definitely a reward in itself (both financial and non-financial), but what was more precious was when DH bought me a beautiful antique desk that I had always admired. It didn't diminish anything, it showed his support and encouragement.

Christmas lists and birthday presents are far more obvious ways of spoiling or creating a sense of entitlement and obscuring the message of the joy of that occasion, but it wouldn't bother me enough to bite my tongue or tell everyone I was doing so. I would respect that parents have decided to spend their hard-earned cash in this way and they have their own ways of teaching their children the significance of that occasion and the value of earning things for themselves.

[Amber]

When I was granted my PhD scholarship, it was definitely a reward in itself (both financial and non-financial), but what was more precious was when DH bought me a beautiful antique desk that I had always admired. It didn't diminish anything, it showed his support and encouragement..

Wondering whether to show this to my DOH . When I was awarded my PhD scholarship the reward was in itself and I walked round shaking for the whole day and kept on re-reading the letter as I thought I must have misunderstood. I had no presents from anyone and the very best thing I had was an email from DD was overseas doing voluntary work. It said ' I'm so proud of you'. For the pride to flow that way was one of the best feelings ever; and I can honestly, totally truthfully say that I did and do not wish to be bought anything at all - it would actually feel rather odd. I was also keenly aware that though it was I who would be getting the money, it wasn't just me who had earned it and I had a whole lot of people to thank who had helped along the way.

Agree re Christmas lists though UmSusu - I think they are nasty and add to a sense of entitlement that many children sadly have.