11 Plus Exams Forum

Hi, did any of you feel that your child was going to crack under the pressure of the 11+? Did you feel guilty about the pressure you may have put your child under? Would you have done things differently?

Tink2010 wrote:Hi, did any of you feel that your child was going to crack under the pressure of the 11+? Did you feel guilty about the pressure you may have put your child under? Would you have done things differently?

For all three DC

- no (none particularly felt necessary or applied - which isn't to say that we didn't occasionally remind them what was what, so to speak)
- no (see above)
- probably not.

(CSSE exams: DS1 2008 entry - good pass / DD 2012 entry - fail but later in-year place obtained, currently top set maths / DS2 2014 entry - very good pass (even though he says so himself )).

Not sure that this will have been what you were expecting?

No don't think he would crack under pressure, but he knew what was at stake and a little pressure is good for the adrenalin
There were the flicker of moments when maybe yes...but then I would remember that you have to work hard in life to get the good things, and he wanted it just as much if not more than me.
I would maybe have started the prep earlier, which I will with DS2... But DS1 rose to the occasion and delivered...so all worth it in the end...and we can enjoy the last few months of primary school and the summer!

I'm so envious. I'm afraid I will crack under the pressure, not my DS, he's not the type.

Yes.
One of mine showed enormous signs of pressure and I hated it. It manifested itself physically and was one reason we didn't really tutor or coach as we felt it was raising the stakes. We did give said DC the option not to carry on but that seemed to cause more stress, so a very kindly old teacher friend of mine did it very gently and just went through the techniques needed. I hate the system anyway and the pressure on children is one reason why I would love to see it go.

DS2 is a typical second child - breezy, easy going, happy go lucky - bright but lazy - he follows the Japanese JIT system - homework is always done just in time, with minimum effort. We had no worries about the process, he refused to go to a tutor so it was all pretty relaxed...we thought. When I told him back in October that he had got into the same GS as his older brother, he burst into tears - not just happy tears, real sobs. We realised then, that despite appearances, he was a lot more stressed about it than we thought. I think it is much harder for the second one as they always have their "older" to live up to. Like Amber, I hate the system, for so many reasons, but this pressure - overt or otherwise is one of the main ones.

I think it depends what you mean by crack under the pressure. My DD is fine about preparing (OK, she resents any weekend time which goes on it but is fine before school during the week). She's not bothered about what school she goes to either - she hasn't a clue what the various schools which are possibilities are like anyhow. This might change of course. In general she is fine about performances (tests, performing to an audience, dance exams) - does not get usually get nervous, sometimes loves the idea. However, she has started saying that she is worried that during the real test she will get in a flap and get things wrong that she could have got right.

I tell her it doesn't matter - it's the fact that she put an effort in beforehand and had a go on the day that matters and that it's a bit of a "luck" thing about whether you feel well etc on the day.

So, in short, my answer to your question is that I don't know!

DS led the process to a large extent and he said that he wanted to do the 11+ and try for the GS. He's a bit lazy and we tried some DIY but he's better in a school environment. He didn't once complain about going to his tutor lesson and only once or twice towards the end dragged his feet doing homework.

He loves tests anyway and was looking forward to it.

I still think that he felt some pressure, but I think that it was probably more from himself.

Every child is different. One thing to try for is to plan a complete day away from home where you do not talk 11plus and do very physical activities. Difficult but keeps the sanity.

Seems to me that kids doing competitive sport or music don't attract this fear of being broken by the stress of practising.

Honing reading and writing are surely just as worthy if not more-they will always be useful even if aspiring stars don't make it, unlike a good goal kick technique or D minor scale.

Yes maybe it is seen as optional but I am sure many kids feel just as obliged to do it for similar reasons-parent expectations either subtle or overt, or self motivation/competitive spirit. Pressure is part of life.