stressed child

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At a crossroads

Post by At a crossroads »

Yes she is a great Head. Thanks for your support Guest55.
yoyo123
Posts: 8099
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:32 pm
Location: East Kent

Post by yoyo123 »

I really worry about the pressure that the 11+ seems to inflict on children, my 2 are now 19 and 15 and the kent test was just so much more laid back then. we did a few practice papers, looked at the ones they had found difficult and explained them.....

I'm not sure that would be enough these days.

I do feel for todays cohort, the pressure is amazing and they are so young...
Guest

Post by Guest »

Hi. I don't normally comment on these sites, but hearing your story, I just had to say something.
About 18 months ago, my daughter did exactly the same - pulled her hair and her eye lashes out (not through 11+ stress though). She had to wear a hat, to protect her bare scalp from the sun. Anyway, after various doctors appointment, we went to the local child psychology unit. To be brief, after several months, she was much happier.
BUT, I felt it was me who learnt the most. I learnt I didn't really have the excellent communication that I thought I had. Now we've learnt to talk with one another better. Although, one technique we learnt to do was to have a "worry box". I bought a pretty little (gift) box, which I gave her. If she had a worry, but couldn't talk to me about it, she would write it down & put it in the worry box, leaving the worry box in the hall for me to find. We would then talk about it, at the next appropriate time. She still uses the worry box, just not that often now. She's so much happier now, she's coping with the 11+, & her hair has grown back !
I do hope this has helped, even just to know that pulling out hair is not unusual.
Best wishes for you and yours.
Guest

Post by Guest »

Dear crossroads

I have only just seen your post about your son or I would have replied before. I just wanted to offer a couple of bits of advice though, even though your son's test will be over now. I also need to remain anonymous.

I had exactly the same problem myself over my A levels and it has persisted all my life. My advice would be not to mention the 11+ plus again unless he passes and you are offered a grammar school place when obviously he will have to make a choice. I guess he will probably go for the grammar school as it is clearly important to have caused him so much stress. The other is, if the habit persists to persuade him to have a really short haircut so he can't do it, which is a perfectly viable option for a boy, and hopefully he won't have had long enough to have become addicted to it. It really is an addiction, and eventually not just in stressful situations but all the time.

Hope this helps.
At a crossroads

Post by At a crossroads »

Thanks to Guest and Guest (Last two posts)
Yes, I confess it is also something that I have suffered with since the age of 13, I am now in my 30s. Trichotillomania is a horrible affliction and really embarassing. I am devastated that it is now something that my son now appears to have.

On a positive note, he has come out of the test fairly confident. Roll on March...
Guest

Post by Guest »

At a crossroads wrote:Thanks to Guest and Guest (Last two posts)
Yes, I confess it is also something that I have suffered with since the age of 13, I am now in my 30s. Trichotillomania is a horrible affliction and really embarassing. I am devastated that it is now something that my son now appears to have.

On a positive note, he has come out of the test fairly confident. Roll on March...
Don't worry, he can still be helped and you are in the best position to know how to do it. No doubt your parents knew nothing about it so weren't able to help you. Explain to him the nature of the illness and that the earlier you can intervene in it the better. He is not too young to understand and although he may protest about a drastic haircut there are far more boys with short hair than long, so no-one will think it unusual. Please don't give in to pleas to wait for the bald patch to grow back - that may be too late and it may even get bigger if he carries on. Good luck to you both.(Guest 2)
At a crossroads

Post by At a crossroads »

It's hard because when I started to pull my eyelashes out, as you quite rightly say, my Mum did not understand at all and used to shout about it. It made me feel very bad about myself just at that delicate teenage stage where one often feels self conscious anyway.
The problem now is that my husband feels we can handle my son's situation by gentle encouragement, a definite improvement on the situation I experienced. However, I know this is an addiction that, for me, has been impossible to stop. It is hard to see what I have felt as a flaw in myself being reflected back from my son-if that makes sense. I worry that there will always be something that he will pull out and this will make him a target for bullying or at least knock his confidence and make him feel different.
I shall talk to my husband about getting some help for him. thanks fo the advice and support.
At a crossroads

Post by At a crossroads »

OT
Having read the forum rules again, I realise I have started to wander off topic. I apologise.

Thanks to everyone for their advice and support.
guetb

Post by guetb »

Just read post and wanted to wish you all the best. My child had a complete meltdown last week and screamed at me for the best part of half an hour interspersed with hystercial sobs and shouts of "I don't want to go to the various grammar schools on offer." I felt really upset as we had tried not to mention it too much or pile on the pressure. Our problem is that my child has to score really highly to be in with a chance at really selective grammar which is only one we can apply to. OUr child is bright enough to do it or we wouldn't have thought about this option andw e have tried to play this down, but all the children in year 6 at the school are unsure where they are going next year, unless the parents are taking the private route. I think it must be incredibly difficult for the children to enjoy this year as they won't have any kind of closure until March when they have an idea where they are going. I did the 11plus myself many many years ago and it was nothing like this.....
At a crossroads

Post by At a crossroads »

Yes it's awful. My son has less of a chance of getting in as we are out of catchment so will definitely be rejected in the first round of offers. However he is so bright it was worth the risk - although hair pulling wasn't part of the calculated risk.
I sat the 11+ too and passed. Still had the long wait until March but it was NOTHING like this. No mention of private tutors etc. Those children who were deemed to be grammar school material were the ones to pass.
I think you are right about children not really being able to enjoy this year, then just as they receive their results they are hammered by the KS2 tests...and I should know, I teach in a primary school where children do very little new learning in Year 6, it is mostly preparing for the tests. AARRGGHH!!!
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