How much do you discuss exam prep with other parents?

[equilibro]

"Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom" - Thomas Jefferson.

"Perfidy thy name is woman" - with partial apologies to The Bard.

[copella]

I remember one mum telling me she wouldn't apply for a grammar school because it was full of swots and geeks, knowing full well my ds was applying. Imagine my shock when her ds told my ds about the amount of tutoring he was having and that they were applying to said school. Then when her ds did not get in, and she had to admit he sat as everyone had seen him, she ignored all those who got in and never spoke to us again, despite this being a tiny school and all of us knowing each other since reception. Very sad and taking it way too far!

[mystery]

I really don't understand why the eleven plus results in so much dishonesty. Maybe it's useful though - it helps you work out who the dishonest parents are if you haven't worked it out already.

[southbucks3]

The mummies at the gate will tell you their child is doing an hour a week with a next door neighbour who used to be a teacher, the children in the school will tell their peers they are doing two hours with a tutor at home every week and also being forced against their will to do eight hours of extra work at the kitchen table with mum watching over them like a hawk and withdrawing all fun. The truth will be somewhere in the middle.

Children do pass these tests in Bucks without much or any prep, they are rare beasties but I know of two genuine cases. One mum had a big panic after her son sat the practice test and reported his struggles, however he told her he had it sussed after the practice and he did pass. The other was not at all bothered, they were in catchment for a great upper, her eldest boys were already there, it was a natural progression, he passed though and will go to gs.

The problem is we are in awe of the parent who can be relaxed and jealous of their super bright child who can pass without practice.
We book into the clinic, have botox injected into our wrinkles and pretend we have naturally smooth skin. We down happy pills on prescription and pretend we are trouble free. We wear control knickers and pretend we have flat tummies. We have war and peace, or massive mark twain biographies on our bookshelves and pretend we have read them. We all strive to create a perfect life and family and then when we need help, or realise that perfection can be extremely hard work its really hard to admit it.

Sadly there is a lot of vicarious living going on too, I am not guilty of this from an education point of view, but you can betcha I pushed them into sports clubs because I never managed to achieve success in sport as a child and feel I missed out and was bullied about my clumsy attempts. Who wants to admit at the school gate, "well I was the last to be picked for every team in pe at school, so I forced all my children to do footy and cricket from the age of five to make sure they got a head start, even when they made a fuss and said they didn't want to go."

Vent on this forum, it's easier to admit you are as mad as a box of frogs to virtual people, we may judge but who cares, we are virtual.

[Peridot]

Love it sb3!

I never had any problems with discussion with the mummies as very few children from our primary applied to grammars, so the topic didn't really come up. What we did have a problem with was after results day when all the children know which schools they are going to and start to subtly or not so subtly shift friendship groups. For a while in year 6 my DD, who is of a sunny disposition and has always had loads of friends, was, along with the one other child who gained a grammar place, completely ostracized and branded a swot and a snob by said friends. Not by the parents may I add - just the children.

[Brainfreeze]

What a sobering post sb3. But a very frank and honest assessment of how life really is. We all carve such a perfect image of fulfilment and happiness when all may not be as it seems.

Only problem is as you imply, when someone is struggling it is difficult to reach out when eveybody seems to be 'getting life right' so effortlessly.

I think the reason a lot of parents get so secretive when it comes to entrance exams is that it's the first time you are putting your DC's head above the parapet, as it were.

Until this point you can come away from parents evenings and school reports and make all sorts of (perfectly valid!) claims of how bright and well rounded little Johnny is. Entrance exams are a straight pass or fail so you have to say it as it is.

Is scary to put the apple of your eye up for scrutiny so publically.

Results day is going to be awwwkward as pretty much most of the parents in my area consider GS.

I do think I need to watch what I say outside this forum because I have realised my words have more impact than I realise. I think when I mention I am making more of an effort to read classics to DS to help his vocab, people hear 'I am reading classics to my DS and you should be doing it too or your DC will fail'. It probably comes across as a bit smug?

Is difficult for me because I enjoy sharing my approach and hearing about others. If I hear a good tip from someone, I would just say 'Great idea, I may copy you'.

Like i say, our children are not competing with each other because we are in catchment and any child who passes will get a place.

There's nowt so queer as folk!

[equilibro]

Audi, vide, tace!

[Peridot]

Audi, vide, tace!

Except on here where we are anonymous, we hope. That's regarding the tace (keep quiet) bit anyway...

Currently seeing the benefit for my two of the schools they are attending, I'm happy to pass on bits and pieces of information that might help others. I appreciate though that it can be very different during preparation time, especially in areas where many in the same class attempt grammar exams.

[mystery]

I don't see other people in the class as "competition". I think that if they're all feeling like they're all working together on it and the standard of a group rises as a consequence they will all benefit.

[SleepyHead]

Just lie through your teeth! Just tell other (completely lying) mummies that you are doing absolutely NO prep except 1 x 10 minute Bond the day before, that you believe any child who is coached will struggle as soon as the coaching stops and that only non-coached children (the holy grail by the way, none exist!) deserve top be in grammar school. Ooh, any other chips I can offload from my shoulders?????

Don't discuss at all, it'll drive you (even) batty(ier)

Goodness - the mums at DDs school sing from this song sheet. No work, genius children that barely complete one paper a week and they're coasting into top tier independents. I've even heard the conversation about genetics enabling a child to gain a top tier school. Really, do your own thing and speak to no one unless you want to be lied to.