Is being obsessed with the 11 plus 'normal'?

[yoyo123]

Children are individuals. I have one child who is very self motivated, deterrmined and knows her own mind, the other is seemingly unable to organise himself at all and has yet to really settle down in anything. I have no doubt, however that when he finds that thing he will . They are both adults now, but I love them both equally, their characters are what make them, them. I wouldn't dream of micromanaging them, then or now.

[Catseye]

once one gets on the 11+ treadmill there is no getting off, Amber seems not to have ever jumped on, so can be sanguine in her opinions but for most of us mere mortals with less parenting skills ,it is much more difficult.

I have allowed my daughter to coast in yr 7 and thus far in yr 8 , and I see whats coming very similar to what poor GAOG seems to be going through.

If it all about parenting skills why are my 2 children sooooo different they have both had the same upbringing and share the almost identical genes though the genes/alleles have been shuffled somewhat differently(excluding the y chromosome)????

please explain?

[Amber]

Amber seems not to have ever jumped on, so can be sanguine in her opinions but for most of us mere mortals with less parenting skills ,it is much more difficult.

I don't think that is called for.
I am a mere mortal too with mere mortal emotions so please don't be unkind. I don't think I was.

[Guest55]

Catseye - that's quite rude - we need voices of sanity like Amber on here.

Developing independence in our children is very important and involving them in decisions about schools at 11 is part of that. I was allowed to choose my school at 11, my O levels, my A levels and uni - they didn't even object when I rejected an Oxbridge offer.

[Moderators]

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[Catseye]

i am not being deliberately provocative. that was not my intention .

but I did find Amber's comments somewhat sniffly and I rarely disagree with her.

I am not an expert on how to bring up one's children but I do know parents are in the best position to make judgement calls on their own children , on this I agree with Sbarnes and personally I have nothing against his/her opinion( though I rarely agree with them) but diverse opinion should not be offensive .

so I will apologise first, in good faith if offended anyone

[doodles]

A lot of GCSE support needed here for Ds1 but I know already DS2 will be different.

2 boys; same genes; same nursery, prep and secondary schools; same chances and experiences but two very very different people. Our job is to support and scaffold each child to achieve their best if it means more input for one and less for the other so be it. Every child is unique......

[Yamin151]

I think,we are getting mixed up here, or have different definitions maybe, of what is support and what is interfering. For me at least, I have no plans to withdraw support and suspect indeed that as children are individuals it may be thi at each child needs different support. I see that support as encouragement, maybe reminders to revise or whatever, but I don't see it as getting involved in university choices, beyond being a sounding board, or a taxi! Or telling my dc which a level choices would be best for them or even gcse. There is in my mind a big difference between being a sounding board and anything involving the word 'ought' or 'should'. But no one is suggesting that letting them get on with it means showing no interest or no support at all.

[salsa]

Well, it sometimes depends on people's viewpoints. One can be deemed a tiger mum and be accused of child abuse and others be accused of being at the other end of the spectrum and be thought of as neglectful parents.
What is true is that we cannot judge. Children are unique and they don't come with a manual. If I had to start again with mine, I hope I would make less mistakes. Who knows, we do our best and discussing ideas on this forum helps me.

[loobylou]

Nicely put salsa.

I have 2 children who could be from opposite poles in terms of how they approach things. Ds who is the younger one is incredibly focused on his future path and plans things meticulously - but is less focused day by day on the work required to get there. I can absolutely see myself having to help him manouvere his way through revision etc. But I don't see myself having to help him make decisions about subjects etc.

Dd is enormously self-driven and focused day to day. But she doesn't have such a clear vision of the future. She would happily choose a subject like Art for which she has no talent at all, bless her, but which she enjoys - without considering the impact of her lack of skill etc. I don't envisage having to help her focus on revision but I can imagine having to help her properly consider her choices. However at the end of the day I do see them as her choices but I want to make sure they are informed choices...