Coping with transition to GS

[MARYS]

I am over the moon that my ds has got a place at our local gs. So proud as he is the first in our family to do so.
My concern now is how he would cope in gs. He has always been at the top of his class in his primary school and this has always been what’s motivated him. He is extremely shy but thrives on lots of praise and at doing well. However, I believe the transition to gs will come as a shock to the system. I am worried that he will lose motivation when he realises that he no longer belongs at the top of the class to maybe being at the middle or bottom end. I am worried how this will effect his confidence and that it could make him even more shy than he already is.
I know you can’t predict what will happen but what are your opinions for someone of this description, better to be at the top end of the class in an average school or at the bottom end in gs?

(I am so proud of him and I mean no offence to those who didn’t secure a place)

[scary mum]

If your son has qualified for a grammar school, they obviously consider that he can cope. Try not to worry (easier said than done, I'm sure). Just be there to support him if & when he needs you. Remember, even if he isn't at the top of the class, neither will everyone else. It is a big change for them, but hopefully one that he will embrace.

[Twinkle]

I managed each of my children's expectations at the outset when they moved to GS telling them that they should not expect necessarily to be at the top of the class at GS or at the top of the class in any of their subjects. I think that this helped with the transition and I would suggest that you consider doing this too. I also encouraged them to 'compete' with children who were of a similar a level of attainment to them. There was a very clever boy in one of my children's year groups who cried in Year 7 ( and possibly beyond) every time he didn't get 100% in a test. Very sad. I don't know if he was crying because of the pressure placed on him by his parents or because he had never not been top of the class / achieved 100% at his primary.

[Golden75]

Hi Marys, it's funny isn't it- first we worry whether our DC's will get into a GS and when they do, we worry how they will cope when they get there! My DD got a place in our 1st choice grammar and we are also over the moon. However, my DD has been bored out of her mind during Year 6 at her local junior school and I'm worried how intense Year 7 at a grammar school will be and whether she will be able to change gears from sleepwalking though year 6 into keep up at a grammar school. After she passed the 11+, I wanted to give her a break and haven't asked her to do any additional work except the homework she gets from school (which she finishes in a couple of minutes and doesn't find challenging at all). I hope she will find her motivation again once she starts Yr7, but I do worry that the demands of keeping up with her peers at a GS will come as a shock after she's had such an easy time in Yr6...

I'm sure our DC's will be fine, but just wanted to say that I know how you feel and I'm sure many parents must share our sentiments.

[Amber]

I think this may be an issue with how you are framing it - you are clearly very proud of your child getting into grammar school and being 'the first in the family to do so'; but really at the end of the day it is just another school and the transition for all children from primary to secondary is potentially tricky. We didn't even particularly refer to the whole 'grammar school' thing when ours went, just called it by the name of the school, and have never made any kind of big deal out of it being a grammar school, except occasionally to tease them if they do something stupid ('blimey, and you're at grammar school too', in a kind of sarcastic way).

I think if you build this up into a great big deal then it is likely to become one. The curriculum at GS is going to be pretty identical to that at any other school frankly, and my kids' friends at local non selective schools certainly got more homework than they did in the early years. It may just be me being peculiar (this I accept is very possible) but I would drop the whole grammar school rhetoric, stop worrying about whether he will be top of the class or not, and talk instead about secondary school, new friends, new subjects etc. As children get older they have to learn they are not going to get 'lots of praise' all the time, nor do well all the time - it is part of growing up. I imagine that as your child has got into the school he will be just fine, and while some parents are under the impression that pupils in GS spend all day every day studying intensely at high level, engaging in learned conversations, practising their calculus in their lunch breaks, etc, I think you might be in for a bit of a surprise when you see what really happens. Try to relax.

[Guest55]

Totally agree with Amber - children going to a GS do not turn into geeks/geekesses overnight. They get up to the same mischief as other children too.

[Sparklecat]

We have been going through the published curriculum subject by subject, discussing them without turning it into a lesson. The idea being to acclimatise her and ensure there are no shocks when she hits the ground running. Nobody else from primary school is going there, so we have made links with other children who are going, or are already there. Hopefully she is seeing it is just another school doing school stuff. She is also bored silly in year 6 and really excited for a new challenge.

[MARYS]

Hi Marys, it's funny isn't it- first we worry whether our DC's will get into a GS and when they do, we worry how they will cope when they get there! My DD got a place in our 1st choice grammar and we are also over the moon. However, my DD has been bored out of her mind during Year 6 at her local junior school and I'm worried how intense Year 7 at a grammar school will be and whether she will be able to change gears from sleepwalking though year 6 into keep up at a grammar school. After she passed the 11+, I wanted to give her a break and haven't asked her to do any additional work except the homework she gets from school (which she finishes in a couple of minutes and doesn't find challenging at all). I hope she will find her motivation again once she starts Yr7, but I do worry that the demands of keeping up with her peers at a GS will come as a shock after she's had such an easy time in Yr6...

I'm sure our DC's will be fine, but just wanted to say that I know how you feel and I'm sure many parents must share our sentiments.

This is exactly how I am feeling.

I managed each of my children's expectations at the outset when they moved to GS telling them that they should not expect necessarily to be at the top of the class at GS or at the top of the class in any of their subjects. I think that this helped with the transition and I would suggest that you consider doing this too.

Yes, we’ve also had this conversation too, as I do not believe in placing any pressure on him and that it’s ok if he is not top of the class.

Thank you all. I guess I just needed reassurancing that gs should not be treated any different to any other school.

[Minniemooface]

My dd started at a grammar school last year. She was one of the brighter ones in primary. All children have their favourite subjects, and have strong skills/ weak skills in different subjects depending. My dd has been predicted A star or A star Grades for Art/Maths/Spanish, doing well in Geography. Middle for Science, History. Bottom for English/Music. She is aiming for the top set in Maths when they are set next year, also Spanish and Art. She knows for a fact that English is her worst subject, and she will be in the bottom set next year. It doesn't really bother her at all. Some of her friends hate Spanish and say they will be in the bottom set for that. Some of her friends , are way ahead of her in English and will be in the higher top sets. She doesn't really see it as a problem. She says they will all learn the same work, its just that the lessons are done in such a way, that if you are better at a subject or understand it quicker, they go through the information much quicker.

We feel it would be better to be placed in a set, where you can cope with the work, and actually learn,and enjoy the lessons, instead of being in the wrong set and struggling. Not every child will get all A star gcse's for all of their exams. Or rather grade 9,8,7 from now on. The school my dd attends is not a top superselective grammar, although I would imagine that the top grammar's in the country would expect all high grade 9's. Its results are some do get all top grades, but then the remainder get a mix of grades top grades through to grades 6 and 5.

I suppose it all depends on the child, and in the end, how much they want to learn and how well they study/revise when the exams arrive. Please do not worry about your child being able to cope and comparing himself to others. I think if you do this, it can cause more harm than good, because they could then think that they are not good enough/clever enough for the school. This can then make the children think they are stupid, when they are definitely not.

And at the end of the day, if they are finding a subject difficult, the teachers will help them. Or in the future you could get extra lessons outside of school to help them extra if need be.

Everyone in life is good at certain things/terrible at others etc. It does not mean we are any better/worse that anyone else.

[Minniemooface]

P.S Totally agree about them not turning into geeks overnight.

Dd reluctantly does her homework, only learns for tests in the subjects she really likes, and only does the minimum at the moment. (Hopefully, this will change as she grows up a bit).

She would much rather be face -timing her friends, on instagram, snapchat , and playing roblox , minecraft online with her friends.

I am sure that some children do study, but dd says most of her friends/people she knows, leave the homework until the last minute/ the night before, or even on the school bus on the way into school.