How to motivate my son to work hard for grammar school exams

[Leia2018]

Hi

I am attempting to motivate my 10 year old son to try harder to prepare for the eleven plus but from his point of view, it would mean a new school where he will not know anyone as it will be out of the local area. So I guess I can see where his lack of motivation comes from. He does the papers as he knows he will get to play on his PS4 afterwards. He is a bright kid hence why we are trying to sit the exams, and he has a good chance of passing. But I would be interested in finding out how other parents motivate their kids to put in the hard work at this young age? Especially if he is just an average kids in terms of his interests; likes football, cricket, PS4, being cheeky, not always doing as he is told...etc etc..
Appreciate any motivational advice

[PerpetualStudent]

Hi Leia2018,

Has your DS seen any of the schools you are considering? What's in it for him? Is the local comprehensive option impossible even given the advantages of local friends and easy access?

1.If you still think taking the 11+ is really the better option you will have to sell it to him i.e. Find a GS he likes the feel of, that gives him something he would really enjoy - better sporting opportunities perhaps?.
2. You can build in rewards for doing the work, as you are doing with things like time on his PS4.
3.Break up the study so it's only small regular bursts with lots of fun variations like word games, reading, everyday maths challenges eg working out the cost of something in the shopping.
4.Make it clear that any extra 11+ work he does now will help him regardless of the school he ends up going to so it's not just about getting into a GS at all costs.
5. A mock exam can help a DC get over the nerves of an unfamiliar situation. But getting the results could either spur him on/make him give up/lead to complacency - who knows?For some DC who are used to cruising through school it might be an unpleasant shock to find they don't do as well as they thought they would. Some are motivated then to do the work to fill in the gaps. Or not.

Ultimately though, if he doesn't like the school you want for him, or the commute, then it will be uphill all the way.

Good luck
PS

[Amber]

Is there a really good reason why you feel the grammar school is better for him? Are all the advantages of going to a local school with his friends really outweighed by this school? Be very clear in your own mind that it is worth it - grammar schools are only schools like any other, and if it is out of area (as in, you don't live in an area with grammar schools and most children don't go to them) then there must surely be good local alternatives.

[ToadMum]

Your earlier posts indticate that you are in Crawley and are looking to send your DS to school in any one of a few areas with which you are not yourself familiar? So presumably your DS is not at all familiar with them? Crawley must have its charms, despite the dearth of academically selective state schools, so is it surprising that your DS seems a little lukewarm about having to traipse off every day to an unknown school in an unknown area?

He might well be thinking, if grammar schools are such a big deal, Mum, why don't we go and live somewhere where they have them, then at least I would have local school friends to hang out with, like I would have if I went to school where we are now?

[Leia2018]

Thank you for giving another perspective on the grammar idea.
No he has not seen either schools selected yet, but we are planning to go on the open days.
My main reason for selecting grammar is that at the moment he is top of his class in both Maths & English, already hit GDS targets in Maths & English writing, hence I know he is capable. He has no one to challenge him in his class & has also said to me, “ mum I already know what they are teaching so I don’t really listen, I have no competition”.
My gut feeling is that if he was in a more challenging environment where the kids are more motivated, it would also rub off on him and he wouldn’t want to get left behind, so he would try to keep up with them. He started reading at age 3 and picks things up easily, guess just trying to give be him a good start in life. Not sure if he will thrive with new friends though, that is my dilemma.

[ToadMum]

Well, I don't think there is much danger of him not making new friends, wherever he goes, even if he just moves up to your catchment comprehensive school with every single other child in his current class. That's the nature of secondary school transition.

Whether he 'thrives' with those new friends is another question. He almost certainly will, but keeping up with them outside of the confines of the school day will be more difficult if the school is twenty odd miles away in the first place and those in his form / year group with whom he most 'gels' live another twenty miles away the other side of the school. It will certainly will take just a bit more effort than, say, agreeing in a group chat to meet up in town in half an hour to go to the cinema etc. How willing are you to drive him twice the distance from your home to the school so he can spend an afternoon with a friend whose parents also thought that the 'only option' for their DC was to send them miles away from home for school?

[Tinkers]

It’s worth bearing in mind that even if he does go to the same school as most of his friends, they may not end up in the same classes together and not really see much of each other any more.
One of DDs primary friends went to our local school and there were no other girls from her school in the same form. She knew no one. Despite the primary school sending a reasonably number there.

It will be worth asking at open evenings what the school policy is about keeping friends together or splitting them up.

[Amber]

He has no one to challenge him in his class & has also said to me, “ mum I already know what they are teaching so I don’t really listen, I have no competition”.

I wonder what your response is to this? I have read posts like this on here before and what people tend to find is that in fact the children do not 'already know' all the things the teacher is teaching at all, they think they do, and can come somewhat unstuck when they get to secondary school and realise that actually they are not the clever clogs they thought they were. If there really is nothing at all in the primary curriculum that your son can't already do, then I suggest a chat with his teacher might be helpful so she can appreciate this and offer some more challenging material to keep his interest.

I am also a little surprised that a 9 (?) year old is complaining of not having 'competition' in his class. Why does he want this and why do you think he will be 'competing' if he goes to grammar school? I am only asking this as I fear you may be falling into the trap which some people do of thinking that a grammar school, just because it is a grammar school, is somehow very different from all other schools and the children within it are all not only super-bright but are going to be very motivating for your son. Of course being taught with bright peers can lift the attainment of a lazy but competitive child; but it is likely also that if you are in a non-grammar area there will be other children as bright as your son (or even brighter) going to local schools as well.

If you are determined that it must be grammar school, then you have to take the hit of commuting and losing the prospect of his school friends being local. Only you know whether you feel that is going to work for you as a family. But please visit the schools first! The local ones and the distant grammars. Preferably at the time of day that your son would be commuting to get a taste of how the journey would be.

[anotherdad]

He has no one to challenge him in his class & has also said to me, “ mum I already know what they are teaching so I don’t really listen, I have no competition”.

I wonder what your response is to this? I have read posts like this on here before and what people tend to find is that in fact the children do not 'already know' all the things the teacher is teaching at all, they think they do, and can come somewhat unstuck when they get to secondary school and realise that actually they are not the clever clogs they thought they were. If there really is nothing at all in the primary curriculum that your son can't already do, then I suggest a chat with his teacher might be helpful so she can appreciate this and offer some more challenging material to keep his interest.

I agree. A wave of familiarity came over me when I read that comment. I was that child many years ago and came unstuck at grammar school. I also know someone whose child had exactly the same attitude and worse still, his parents indulged it and as the boy's level gradually slipped from being high-attaining with respect to his primary classmates, his parents blamed the school for not being good enough for him. They deemed state secondary education to be inadequate so sent him to a private school where the same pattern unfolded. He left with GCSE results below those he should have attained and has moved to the local FE college where he has finally grown up, realised he isn't God's gift to academia and is on for some good A levels in science and maths.

Personally, I think you need to address the attitude to school in general before you can work on motivating him to prepare for the eleven plus test.

[RedVelvet]

Have a look at a few books or articles on 'growth mindset'. I've never really found any of my children to be particularly motivated by me wanting them to do well, or by being best/top in the class. There's a huge difference between 'being the best' and 'doing your best'.

My eldest has just started his A levels and slacked off a bit (or a lot depending on your perception) during the run up to GCSEs. Nothing I said made much difference, but a five minute chat with the head of year at school pointing out he'd better look at an alternative to 6th form really hit the spot. It gave him something to work for that really mattered to him.

It's hard at 10 as it may not be that important to him, but a visit to the school may well help.